Horns of a Dilemma

Prudent

wageslave wrote: »

I am going to buy her a cook book and a slow cooker.

She sounds spoiled doesnt she.

Trust me she isn't. Her life has been anything but easy.

I worked hard, she spent her formative years clutching a latchkey and things got better.

She is the best of girls. Really. She never complained, until she could.

I want to secure her short term future. Give her a decent start.

I just dont know what to do for the best

I can relate to that. I have a daughter who must be a similar age to yours. For reasons similar to those you allude to, she has been through a lot too. My dd is not at uni (she has mild learning difficulties). She has just left college and is really struggling to get work in the tough local job market.

I have enough to buy dd a flat, but she would need to pay the bills so a job is essential. This money though could also allow me to work part time and I have been very ill with an ongoing health problem.

I am biding my time. I get a cooked lunch at work and am now insisting dd prepares her own dinner as I am exhausted at the end of the working day (part of the health issue).

I do wonder if perhaps guilt comes into play - a way of compensating for tough circumstances. Yet many successful and happy people overcame adversity.

wageslave

lostinrates wrote: »

Is there anyone in the family that can fix it for you? save that expense?

Wageslave, I think that your attitude is perfect. BUT I also agree that this is your very loved girl's time to ''learn''. If the money is earmarked for invest it someway for her now, but perhaps don't let her know just yet.....she'll be better off than most of her peers at the moment by virtue of not having a loan and presumably not having to work. At 18/20 £40k can seem like a life changing amount that risks nipping endeavour and independance in the bud, leading to trouble later....in her mid twenties it really could be a real boost to the lifs she's making herself. Invest it for a longer term but for her.

Well too late for that.

LIR we are talking about my family. Nothing is secret or sacred.

I don't know that I want her to learn. She has already learned enough lessons. I want her to be free of the past.

As to the kitchen, I really just need to spend the money but it frightens me. Spending anything more than a months income gives me the heebyjeebys:o

I spent so long stealing toilet rolls from work.

It is scarey when you have kids and it is only you.

neverdespairgirl

wageslave wrote: »

It is scarey when you have kids and it is only you.

I'm sure it is - I'm scared enouhg being a mother with OH around!

lostinrates

wageslave wrote: »

Well too late for that.

LIR we are talking about my family. Nothing is secret or sacred.

I don't know that I want her to learn. She has already learned enough lessons. I want her to be free of the past.

As to the kitchen, I really just need to spend the money but it frightens me. Spending anything more than a months income gives me the heebyjeebys:o

I spent so long stealing toilet rolls from work.

It is scarey when you have kids and it is only you.

£40k doesn't erase the past. You know that. She knows it too I bet...she's not a fool if she's your daughter, but she might be a little impatient . But she's doing well for herself. Cosset her too much you risk capping her chances of success herself. Or making her dependant on another person...if not you...who?

Now, unlike some I think the money for her, especially considering the other circumstances with the little girls, is not a bad choice...its just how you do it.

People say ''give them a start''. The start is the easy but essential bit of success to acheive alone , its the maintaining it thats hard. That's why I think a longer term investment is a good idea...to give her something after she;s begun establishing herself...HERSELF. Also, I think halls or a flat share, socially, are important parts of the experience....learning to rub along with peers, what your personal level of grime tolerance is, learning to live with others who are not your family and take a fair shjare in chores but not be a pushover....these are all things she is currently learning. Don't deny her that opportunity ..personally i think it can lead to a happier home life later.

wageslave

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I'm sure it is - I'm scared enouhg being a mother with OH around!

We are both rich mens daughters. Just from opposite ends of the social scale.

Your Da was a QC, mine sold fish round the doors. When my lot got a council house the neighbours got up a petition to get us evicted.

I want better for my daughter.

I cant give her what you had, that can't be bought. But I can give her better than she was born too.

Isn't that what my father worked for?

myhouse_2

I think this is an appalling time to be buying into property (and I should know - I'm looking to buy).
Why not look after yourself for now and let your bratlets start off their youth under their own steam - giving them a helping hand is great, but you don't need to set them up with houses or huge sums of money.

lostinrates

wageslave wrote: »

I want better for my daughter.

I cant give her what you had, that can't be bought. But I can give her better than she was born too.

Isn't that what my father worked for?

she's already got better. A mother who supported her education, aspiration, and set her an example of independance, acheivement, humanity and love.

From what I know of you you;d be a good enough parent for me or mine, that can't be bought either...she was born to someone just fine if you ask me.


Has she enjoyed her first year?

wageslave

Prudent wrote: »

Yet many successful and happy people overcame adversity.

You dont need to suffer to be successful.

You certainly dont need to suffer to be happy,

What kind of idiot philosophy is that?

lostinrates

wageslave wrote: »

You dont need to suffer to be successful.

You certainly dont need to suffer to be happy,

What kind of idiot philosophy is that?

You need motivation to be successful and you need to have appreciated unhappiness to really appreciate happiness. I guess thats why we don;t always eat all sweet or all savoury food too. Its not idiotic at all.

wageslave

Right LIR, we have a bright !!!!! girl at university. She is two generations away from illiteracy and a horse and cart.

She hated her first year.

She thinks they are dirty and they think she is hanging out of her clothes. Both are probably right.

I have another two girls watching her with interest. I have a lot riding on this.

I still intend rescuing her at her the end. I just don't know what best to do with the cash to achieve this