Sympathy Flowers - Help Needed

tesuhoha

chewynut wrote: »

I think donating to the air ambulance would've been a really touching and meaningful 'gift' if you couldn't find any flowers.

Bikers do a great deal for the air ambulance as that is what usually saves their lives after accidents. I know I've started donating after my dad got a motorbike. Just in case.

Maybe I will just do something like that as they don't want flowers at the funeral, just family flowers I think. Everyone in casual clothes>

tesuhoha

Errata wrote: »

I seem to have misunderstood your OP, I read it that you wanted to give flowers to the family and send a wreath for the funeral as well.

Sorry I realise what you were getting at now. Yes that was the intention but have been told its only family flowers. So I am glad we sent the sympathy flowers to the family.

tesuhoha

Thanks for all your comments. I have spoken to my friend three times on the telephone in detail about the accident and everything else. I asked her again last night if she would like to see me and she was very definite that she would like me to visit her after the funeral. I actually said to her 'what sort of a friend am I not coming round?' and she said that she's finding it hard to cope with visitors and appreciates me giving her space. She has her whole family with her, husband, other son and daughter, mum, plus extended family and I think that they want some privacy to grieve.

She said she would love to see me after the funeral but I don't know maybe I will pop round to give her a quick hug next week, I haven't decided yet.

tesuhoha

squibbs25 wrote: »

Hi OP,
Condolences on you/your friends loss.

If your friend is feeling overwhelmed by all the visitors at her house, how would she feel if you offered her an escape route at yours for half an hour or so for a cuppa and chat?
That way you get to see your friend on 'her' terms (meaning shes in control of how long she stays whether it be 15 mins or an hour) and be able to 'step away' from the thick of it - its not going to disappear but just having some time out, where she isnt expected to put the kettle on and console everyone who's coming to the house can be so draining on top of an already highly emotional time.
Maybe the idea of a quiet cuppa where she can talk about what ever she wants might appeal.

I'd like to do this but its a bit of a drive for her.

tesuhoha

helphelphelphelp wrote: »

A day or two after my brother died my friend came round, not with flowers but with photos of my brother with me and my daughters. These had been framed for me. Meant so much more than flowers and long after I would have had to have thrown those away, the photos now have pride of place on my wall. Really appreciated the thought that went into this.

When you visit, can you not just say you are not stopping, just calling in on your way home so you wont be invited in and then ask her to contact you when she is more up for a visit?

You have given me an idea. Somewhere in the loft I have a photo of him with my daughter playing in our garden when they were around three years old. Its a lovely photo and if I can find it I will see if I could get it enlarged and framed. The only problem is I'm not sure if his wife would like it as he dated my daughter before he went out with his future wife. I'm not sure if I have any other photos but will look.

SUESMITH_2

i think that's a lovely idea, I'm sure your son's wife wouldn't mind as it was when they were tiny children not from when they went out

Mojisola

tesuhoha wrote: »

Thanks for all your comments. I have spoken to my friend three times on the telephone in detail about the accident and everything else. I asked her again last night if she would like to see me and she was very definite that she would like me to visit her after the funeral. I actually said to her 'what sort of a friend am I not coming round?' and she said that she's finding it hard to cope with visitors and appreciates me giving her space. She has her whole family with her, husband, other son and daughter, mum, plus extended family and I think that they want some privacy to grieve.

This happened with a neighbour of ours. Her adult children were very caring and thought they were doing the best for her but their constant presence and invites to stay with them got too much for her.

She said she really needed some quiet space to come to terms with her husband's death and to get used to being alone. She also wanted to give way to her feelings when they overwhelmed her - it's very hard to let yourself howl with pain and grief when you're staying in someone else's house.

Respect her feelings - there will be a lot of times after things start to settle down that she will really appreciate your company. All the attention will reduce soon and that's when she'll be grateful for someone to spend time with her and talk about her loved one.

helphelphelphelp

Any new photo I am sure would be appreciated. For me personally I wouldnt mind who else was in the photo as it would feel as though I was getting a new memory of a loved one that I had lost (if that makes sense?)

And dont feel bad about not going round if that what your friend wants, maybe just send a text now and again saying thinking of you. Just so she knows she hasnt been forgotten but also putting nothing in the message that requires her to answer

I hope you friend manages to get through this awful time