Free bar restrictions - right or wrong?

sammy_wheeler · 23 August 2011 at 1:37PM

amazing clearing- that is brilliant- well done you!

clearing_out_my_pockets · 23 August 2011 at 1:44PM

Fortunately she took it very well. Apparently she and FIL had both been wondering when I'd start actually being myself around them rather than being on my 'best behaviour'. To be clear, I wasn't being rude, and I wasn't being bridezilla-ish, it's just at that precise point in time, I didn't want to have to think about what would happen when our wedding day was over!

DirtPoorGuy · 23 August 2011 at 1:48PM

Another option to consider as an alternative to a free bar is a subsidised bar, in my family it is quite common for the after wedding venue to be in a hired hall with a bar usually run by a few friend of friends who get paid to run a bar where the drinks are discounted so in effect the only profit the bar makes is to cover costs and wages.

poet123 · 23 August 2011 at 2:49PM

Ravenlady wrote: »

If I had those replies aimed at me I would have been pretty darn angry about it too, some of you ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

I understood her post immediately and cant see how on earth anyone got confused about the point of the post, there was no need to start sniping and making personal comments.

I jist I got was 'oh isnt it a shame they wont be coming' I sense there will be no love lost.

If that was how it read I doubt anyone would have commented.

It read as though she had deliberately decided to serve a dish they could not eat and which therefore excluded them from coming to the meal. It then read as if because they like a drink, and she doesn't drink, she was deliberately only doing things to cater for the non drinking section of her evening guests. The whole tone was petulant and spoiled. There was no confusion, just comments on a post on a forum as it came across.

Ravenlady_2 · 23 August 2011 at 3:19PM

Has anyone thought maybe the non alcoholic free bar could be cultural?

poet123 · 23 August 2011 at 3:23PM

Ravenlady wrote: »

Has anyone thought maybe the non alcoholic free bar could be cultural?

Of course it could, but that wasn't the point.

Dekazer · 23 August 2011 at 4:07PM

I thought I'd bung my tuppenceworth in, just in case it helps anyone. probably won't, but ho hum

OH and I have certain ideas about weddings - the main one being that if we're invited to a wedding we go. The only thing that would stop us attending would be a funeral or similar family emergency/event (illness etc). We always attend, even if it costs us money, because we think that it's important to honour our friends by attending. Others may disagree, but that's how we feel.

BECAUSE of how we feel, we expect that a number of our friends might feel that they *ought* to attend our wedding *because* they have been invited. (Some won't, but some will. I hope they also want to attend, but I can't deny that some might feel they have to.)

THEREFORE, we want to reduce any financial burden attendance might impose on our guests. To this end, we have given early Save The Dates, so people can exploit advance cheap travel/accommodations deals, we will not be having a gift list, and we will be having a free bar.

We view our guests as guests, and ourselves as hosts rather than guests-of-honour. We wouldn't expect people to come to ours for dinner and pay for their booze, so we don't want them to do it at our wedding.

I've no doubt that some people will take advantage, but others won't partake at all, so it'll even out. I think our guests respect us, and will behave accordingly. Our decisions have meant that we are compromising on other aspects of the wedding (e.g. venue, transport, clothes etc etc) but hopefully our guests will all have a great time and not feel too much burden from coming.

(When I was single, I used to feel a bit miffed about having to spend money going to expensive weddings - the couple were already the lucky ones because they'd found each other - why couldn't they buy me a nice present? Yeah, I was bitter.. :rotfl:)

Oh, and finally, the majority of weddings I've attended have had a free bar. Strangely, the cost of drinks at a wedding does not seem to correlate to the wealth of the families - some of the posher weddings I've been to have had an expensive cash bar, and some of the poorer/cheaper weddings have had a subsidised/free bar. No rhyme nor reason!)

Cheers all :beer:

split_second · 23 August 2011 at 5:57PM

the venue we are looking at (2014 wedding) gives drink for the toast, drink with the meal and everything else the guests pay for themselves, there will always be the 'drink the bar dry' brigade and me and my fiance are not big drinkers at all (i have a kidney condition and fiance had 1/4 of her liver removed last year)

never seen a free bar at a wedding and never knew anyone expected it