The Modern but Old Style Homemakers Club

Confuzzled

juliapenguin wrote: »

Discussion on this board over the last day or two has suggested that there are lots of us out there who spend lots of time at home even if we're not/no longer caring for children.

i'm self employed and home educating, i've never done the 'done thing' for any length of time, never suited me, i tended to find the better i was at something the worse i was treated (or taken advantage of) so working from home is brilliant for me

my daughter tried normal school (in two countries even!) and found herself of a similar mindset to me so i promised to home educate her which she has taken to brilliantly. having been the smart kid that got picked on for just being intelligent i can understand why she enjoys home education more!

i do miss a bit of adult conversation from time to time as it is only the two of us and whilst she is far beyond her 10 years in many respects i wouldn't burden her with all my concerns whilst others here might be able to advise or make suggestions that would help me. so i'm hoping i too can join the group despite having a child, my situation is not at all the norm and i sometimes feel a bit ostracised, in fact we try to avoid going out during school times just to avoid the nosey and often rude comments, i could do with a bit of commraderie from others that probably are also on the end of some pointed remarks that are 99% of the time totally inappropriate and rude at best!

Confuzzled

juliapenguin wrote: »

To cut a long story short (for those who didn't see the other thread), I'm an English Language teacher but have long-term mental health problems and am struggling to find a job with a small number of hours - most employers want you to teach a minimum of 15 hours a week

i feel for you there, i have bipolar disorder and whilst i now, after 25 years of suffering have it well under control, i could NOT work outside the home

office politics are one of my major triggers and i don't suffer fools well so well you can imagine what the average office job would do to me

i also have phsyical limitation due to back and knee issues, i use a cane, i walk slowly, can't stand for too long but can't sit for hours on end either and i have a daughter in school (currently home educated but if i worked outside the home i'd have to work only inside school hours as i'm a single mother) so i have so many limitations i can't imagine working outside the home now, though personally i've found something i love now and working for me is the only kind of employment i've ever been happy at

i do get the people thinking i'm sitting on my backside at home all the time but i blow them off, it rarely bothers me anymore, i actually took those sorts of things harder when i was a stay at home mum with my daughter when she was wee which seems more acceptable to most yet i still caught flack, some people just can't keep their noses out of other peoples business so i just try not to let it bother me

as long as you're managing to get by and feel ok within yourself don't let other peoples nasty comments or looks concern you, you can't do more if you're under so much pressure you can't even get a chance to breathe let alone heal emotionally, it took me a long time to manage my illness but if you give yourself some space to breathe i'm sure you can get there in the end *offers a big hug*

Confuzzled

life_in_termoil wrote: »

Haha

Unfortunately I married a toy boy and would never have 1 again.

Maybe a sugar daddy!

AMEN Sister!

the only way you'd get me to marry again is if it were for money :rotfl:


i have had a lot of 'poor woman' looks especially when i tell people i'm so glad to finally be single but hey if they can't believe that a woman can actually enjoy NOT having to put up with someones bs just so they don't have to be alone let THEM live that life and i'll go on enjoying being single :rotfl:

i'm all for relationships when they work, i just get tired of people acting like i'm fundamentally flawed cuz i don't want to jump into another one!

monnagran

I'm with you 100%. I have nothing against men in general, in fact I know some super specimens, but the two I have lived with, (not at the same time.......tut...what are you like!) seemed to think that my sole purpose in life was to look after them and polish their egos. Hopefully I have brought up my sons to respect the individuality of their wives and to pull their weight around the house.

Confuzzled: Is there no Education Otherwise group in your area? It might be worth finding out, you wouldn't feel so isolated and your daughter would have companions.

Chipps

Confuzzled wrote: »

.....i sometimes feel a bit ostracised, in fact we try to avoid going out during school times just to avoid the nosey and often rude comments, i could do with a bit of commraderie from others that probably are also on the end of some pointed remarks that are 99% of the time totally inappropriate and rude at best!

No School today??

What about Socialisation?

:rotfl:

We home educated for 10 years - I don't miss those sort of enquiries at all!
Confuzzled - monnagran is right, do you have a local EO group, even if for just some occasional day trips?
When we first started we had 2 other HE families nearby, but they moved away by the time our DS1 started college, so from having a great support group round us, suddenly it was just DS2 & me. But we found the EO groups in the area - it was helpful because we could join in with things that DS found comfortable & avoid any he wasn't so keen on (although I did persuade him to do more guided visits to the National Gallery than he would have chosen, because my mum & I enjoyed them :rotfl:)

PixieDust

Try not to allow yourself to feel ostracised for home-edding We, too, did it for 10 years. I didn't really mind the comments....much of the time, I found that if I remained patient, and was willing to explain, but not defend myself, then some people were genuinely interested in this alternative lifestyle. The children learned to answer the throwaway "no school today?" with a smile and a polite "no". If more questions were asked, then they were answered - much of the time it was just a conversation opener In the early days I did feel nettled by other people....but I soon learned to grow a thicker skin, and to "stand on a higher plane".....people feel threatened when you talk about "not going to school", especially if they have children who are at school - they feel that their choices are being questioned (which they are not), and will respond by going into "attack" mode. I eventually learned to head this off at the pass, but it was hard in the beginning. Sometimes, I knew I was on to a losing battle - but aren't we all sometimes with our life choices?

To the socialisation question I would sometimes smile, shrug, and say "well, you can see them, you decide"........or if more was required, I would say that they can ask for what they want, join in with a game they want to play and decide whether or not they want to get into trouble quite well by themselves, thank you

People in the real, grown up world, generally have to shop, manage money, live and make decisions about their behaviour and morals....most of those fundamental things are learned within the home anyway.....if mine can do that, then I'm happy. I saw my role very much as "learning facilitator and thwarter of hair-brained schemes"...it was my job to teach them how to learn - once you do that, the world's their lobster as far as education is concerned

THIRZAH

May I join too? My children are grown up and have left home but I never went back to paid employment after they were born. I work two days a week as a volunteer in a charity shop but enjoy being at home the rest of the time.

DH is self employed and works long hours. He wouldn't work any less if I did go back to work but would probably feel that he had to help around the house more.We like to go out walking every weekend so I do as much as possible during the week so we are free then.

Confuzzled

Chipps wrote: »

No School today??

What about Socialisation?

:rotfl:

We home educated for 10 years - I don't miss those sort of enquiries at all!
Confuzzled - monnagran is right, do you have a local EO group, even if for just some occasional day trips?
When we first started we had 2 other HE families nearby, but they moved away by the time our DS1 started college, so from having a great support group round us, suddenly it was just DS2 & me.

i'll have to have a check again, i did check about a year ago and nothing was close enough to be feasible for more than 1 or two outings a year. my daughter didn't like the idea much as she wouldn't see them often enough to get comfortable (she can be a bit shy)

she does have friends in teh neighbourhood and plays with them and goes to swimming lessons each week so she's fine, me, well to be quite honest i'm fine with the rare face to face visit with people and actually prefer my friends online, maybe i'm just becoming more of a hermit as i grow older but i have always been a bit of a happy solitary person and i genuinely don't need a lot of outside company to thrive (another thing other people just refuse to believe *sighs*)

i do make an effort for my daughters sake, though i do sometimes think she' like me in that respect. saying that though we actually genuinely enjoy each others company and have great laughs together but i try to push her to go out and play with her friends more if for no other reason than to toughen her up a little for when she goes to uni and into working life

Confuzzled

PixieDust wrote: »

Try not to allow yourself to feel ostracised for home-edding We, too, did it for 10 years. I didn't really mind the comments....much of the time, I found that if I remained patient, and was willing to explain, but not defend myself, then some people were genuinely interested in this alternative lifestyle. The children learned to answer the throwaway "no school today?" with a smile and a polite "no". If more questions were asked, then they were answered - much of the time it was just a conversation opener In the early days I did feel nettled by other people....but I soon learned to grow a thicker skin, and to "stand on a higher plane".....people feel threatened when you talk about "not going to school", especially if they have children who are at school - they feel that their choices are being questioned (which they are not), and will respond by going into "attack" mode. I eventually learned to head this off at the pass, but it was hard in the beginning. Sometimes, I knew I was on to a losing battle - but aren't we all sometimes with our life choices?

To the socialisation question I would sometimes smile, shrug, and say "well, you can see them, you decide"........or if more was required, I would say that they can ask for what they want, join in with a game they want to play and decide whether or not they want to get into trouble quite well by themselves, thank you

yep most of the time it doesn't bother me, well now after 2.5 years, i really enjoy it when this doesn't come up til after they've commented on how bright she is, i love the look on their faces when they find out she's home educated then :rotfl:

my answer to the socialisation thing is, she has friends in the neighbourhood she plays with, goes to swimming etc, if they keep pushing i tell them that the socialisation she got at school consisted of bullying and being left aside because she was so intelligent, THAT normally shuts them up!


today i took her into town around lunch time, i had to i had a time sensitive issue to deal with and afterwards i took her to lunch at our fav little cafe, we had our 'usual' (we have a lot of 'girls' rituals this is one of them!) and though it was packed not a single soul gave us 'the look' and not a single comment was made, it was very uplifting. i do think people around here are starting to know she's home educated and perhaps that helps, as more of them get to see what a bright well adjusted child she is perhaps i'll get less of the comments

i worry less about the comments for me and more for her but i am dead honest with her about how the real world works and have explained to her why a lot of people act that way and so now she just smiles and blows it off too.

i agree about teaching kids to live in the real world. we have something i refer to as 'life lessons' this includes baking and cooking lessons, learning to manage money, how to do online shops, how to do food inventory so we can do some meal planning, how to modify recipes

we have also done things like how to read bus and train timetables, how to book airline and train tickets and find good deals on things etc etc. these skills are so fundamental to grown up life yet a lot of people leave home not knowing how to do them at all, can you imagine having to struggle with only the basics on top of all the other things you suddenly get dumped on you when you finally leave home?

my approach to life is fairly laid back and we have no real schedule though i have a plan in my head that i compile each morning before getting out of bed. that works for us and in a way, teaching her how to NOT have to live on a schedule and be flexible depending on what needs doing most urgently is another life lesson i'm teaching her

working from home and home educating my daughter has been the most fufilling work i have ever done in my life. my daughter tells me she loves it so much she doesn't want to grow up, she wants to stay a kid and stay with me forever even with having to do lessons in a way i kinda feel the same way, so i guess we must be doing something that's right... for us at least

WeegieWumman

monnagran wrote: »

,
Would I have done the same thing again? I can't really say, I suppose everyone has to make a decision based on their circumstances and their inclination. I think it would have nearly killed me to pass my babies on to someone else every day, but if you have to do that I guess you somehow find the strength.
Well, that's enough wittering on for now.

My DH worked away from home for a period. Even when he was here he always worked awkward hours. As newlyweds, we agreed that if we had a family I'd stay at home unless there was no other choice.
Until my eldest was ten, finances were tight but they eased somewhat thereafter. I didn't work until my children left home. Afterwards I was lucky to have a good job which I loved.
If I had to do it over again, I'd make the exactly same decision.