The Modern but Old Style Homemakers Club

Rowan9

juliapenguin wrote: »

The urticaria is driving me insane (I get covered with an itchy rash - the antihistamines barely touch it but it's even worse without them) so I have to focus on keeping as cool as possible - not easy when you're menopausal!

JuliaP -there's a really helpful thread in families and relationships called menopause matters (hhhmm at least I think that's what it's called - my brain seems to be scrambled today!). Lovely ladies on there. Sorry you are going through a rought time with it.
W

life_in_termoil

Oh no is the other forum down?


eta its back up now

red_devil

yep we are always going, and always looking for new members if anyone wants to join.

Emmala

letitsnow wrote: »

That matter is a (repeatedly made) comment my mother. She often says being a SAHM is harder than going out to work AND looking after children. I just can't get my head around this. Her logic is that at work you can have a cup of tea/lunch break etc. She will not accept that this is not the case in my line of work and whenever I look after my very young neices and nephews I find it a treat - albeit I've only done it for max 2 days at a time and I do admit it is tiring! Added to this I consider the pressures of getting children ready for childcare, in the morning, the knowledge that X hundreds of pounds would be going to someone else to look after our children, the guilt of not seeing them enough.

Anyway, what I'm interested to hear is your response to my mum's comment. Is being a SAHM harder? Or are the pressures just different? I saw a few people mention the stigma attached to it and loneliness?

I got this far on the thread and felt I had to reply, so apologies to anyone who has already commented and who may disagree with what I am about to say......I can only offer my opinion, based on my personal experience....

I agree with your mum :eek: there, I said it!! I am a SAHM to three children aged 8, 6 and 3. I was a secondary school teacher and went part time when I had my eldest. I felt pulled in both directions - full on career woman at school, until the bell went and I picked up my lovely boy, at which time I wanted to be with him all the time. And, I was still head of two departments, working three days a week, and the only reduction in my workload was losing one class (3 lessons!). Anyway, when I had my daughter I gave up (retired????) and decided that having about £100 a month left after nursery fees wasn't worth the stress of the working week......however, I think it's different for teachers than some other jobs because of all the extra work involved, plus parents evenings etc, so it's harder to walk away from the job at the end of the day, there's always something to take home/prepare for.

I love being at home full time, though the house is always a mess and my husband laughs at my lack of organisation.....the complete opposite to the 'teacher' me!!!! Being at home full time means that you can go to school assemblies, you're there if they are poorly, you can get them to cubs, swimming lessons and so on and yes, there is no guilt at paying someone else to raise your child/ren. It also means that you NEVER get a day off......in fact, a friend of mine went back to teaching a day and a half, earning LESS than it cost for childcare, just to get a break and be able to go to the toilet in peace!!!!

The holidays....well, yes, some of my working friends had the hassle of arranging childcare BUT they got a day or two a week CHILD FREE!!!!!!!!!............I had my three at home 24/7 for six weeks.....no child free time for me at all. (and I'm not complaining, but it's HARD WORK!)....the other morning, I was in the downstairs loo and there was frantic banging on the door, so I'm shouting to the kids to leave me alone and I'd sort them out in a minute, only to be told that it wasn't anything to do with them...it was the bloody CAT!!!:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:


So, I would say that working with kids is a hassle, it is hard to get everyone out in the morning, you will feel bad paying someone else to have your kids, you'll know that you are missing some of the one off stuff, and your kids will be the ones on mum's day at school saying 'when's my mum coming in?' 'er, she's not, she's at work..' ......but you'll also be able to keep your house tidier (because no-one's in it all day messing it up!!), you'll have some time to yourself, and might even be able to have the radio on in the car without worrying about the bad language little ears are picking up on......

It also depends on what your DH/OH does......if he can be involved to pick up/take to swimming etc, working part time can be an option, and less stressful than it would be in my situation...my DH is a sales director who travels all over the place, here and abroad, so for my sanity, being at home is logisticallly easier than it I tried to fit in work as well!!! Also, I have many friends who work part time because their parents/in laws do all the childcare !!!!!! not an option for us, and I resent paying for someone else to have my kids.

Like I said, that's just my opinion, seen from both sides of the fence, but they grow SOOOO quickly that I would advise anyone to have as much time at home with them as they can.....they don't stay cute and pliable for long, you'll soon be waiting for them to leave home!!! :rotfl:

monnagran

I feel really bad. I complained about everyone absconding to the other forum and don't think I have posted here since!

I am interested in the debate about SAHM v Working Mums and here's my two penneth. I had my children late 60s early 70s and it was common then to stay at home with your children at least till they started school. Child care was almost non-existent in those days so there wasn't really a choice. I am very glad there wasn't as I'm sure my ex, who could out-scrooge scrooge, would have had me working with a baby in my apron pocket.

Life was tough with very little money, at least very little coming my way, so we were very OS of necessity. Everything was home made, food, drinks, clothes, furniture, toys,(I was very proud of my orange-box garage, both boys played with it for years) and if not HM was almost certainly second-hand. Well, probably not food and drink! The astonishing thing to me is that my children have no recollection of being deprived or worse off than any of their friends, which they most certainly were as we lived in a very affluent area. I can only suppose that because I was there all the time and we had time for a lot of fun, it made up for the lack of the sort of material goodies that other children had. The only time I wished things were different was one Christmas when the 3 neighbouring children came zooming into our garden on their new ride-on toys. My youngest, aged 3, came to me in tears and asked why Father Christmas hadn't brought him a ride-on truck, hadn't he been good enough? I did want to rob a bank at that moment.

Yes, it is hard work being at home all the time, and very boring a lot of the time. Under 5s conversation is not altogether stimulating, but the rewards outweigh the downside. Now, in their 40s, they always say that they had a magical childhood, and all their friends wanted to come and play at our house. So in retrospect I think it was a very good thing, although it didn't always feel that way. I'm glad I didn't have the choice because I may well have made the wrong one. When I went back to full time teaching, when my youngest was 7, life was never quite as relaxed again, although the financial position eased a bit. Or at least it did until they became teenagers, but that's another story.

Would I have done the same thing again? I can't really say, I suppose everyone has to make a decision based on their circumstances and their inclination. I think it would have nearly killed me to pass my babies on to someone else every day, but if you have to do that I guess you somehow find the strength.
Well, that's enough wittering on for now.

red_devil

just to bump up and say we are still going strong, and welcome new members. The more the merrier. We also welcome stay at home wanabees as well.

Cheapskate

Just rediscovered this thread - sorry I've missed so much chat! Will go back and read it all, promise.

I feel like I'm much busier generally now than when our older children were little; I help DH with stuff for his business, work very PT, dabble in a couple of voluntary groups, am a taxi for DS (19), and I hate all the rushing about. When the others were small, our home was cleaner, I cooked more, we seemed to have more spare time at the weekend, etc.... Don't know quite how it's come about, but I'm determined to change it, as I feel very strongly that the two youngest aren't always happy about being dragged all over the place!

I'm also a childminder and have a child on my books, very part time and only for a few more weeks, but also want to stop that - really feel like we're all suffering a bit simply because I feel under pressure time-wise. Don't know how that sounds to others, especially as I only work an average of 10 hours or so a week!

Moan over, off to try and catch up on the thread. Hope you'll still have me along!

A xo

deb68_2

Hi
Havent been on this one for ages as i forgot about it i have to leave notes around the house for everything (except going the loo,lol)
I worked as a play schoo, helper,a waitress a chambermaid,i helped run a golf course, i worked for operation sport,worked in a chemist
in a chippy,a restaurant,was a manager at an ice cream parlour yummy
i ran a kitchen cooking etc,loved it

my last job i was a carer in an old peoples home i loved it,i loved listening to thier storys of thier lives how they managed in the war
looking after them i did an afternoon for them of bingo, i would bake bis as prizes or buy small soaps etc i excpected nothing from no body for doing it i enjoyed it they loved it.i did chair excercises for them they would have me in such giggles we never got much done.

I felt for them when it was time for me to take them to the toilet the other workers would just stay in the room,i always asked if they would prefer me to stsnd outside the door,they did an were so thankfull for it,the same when it came to washing an bathing them
i couldnt leave the room when tehy were in the bath incase they hurt them selves so i would tell them all about my 3 boys an hubby,it prob did take longer for me to do it than the others but so what it made them feel more at ease me just chatting about my life they would always thank me for letting them hear about my family life,i would take my boys to see them

i maybe took the job too much to heart but i would want any body looking after any of my family never to forget thier dignity
In the end i had to leave my job as i was diagnosed with something i wont ever get rid of,an the people in the home were helping me walking rather than other way round
i couldnt look after them as i believe they deserved
im now at home with hubby he had to leave work to be my carer,i find that really hard having to be helped to go to the toillet.walk well when my legs want me to i think tey jsbe gone off on hol without me,i dont have much vision in left eye,an im constantly having spasms
99% of the time im in horrendous pain i do my best not to let my kids see it,not easy at times,
i have chairs/stools round kitch so i can do some batch cooking takes me ages tho but i try
at the mo well not right now obv im talking to you lovlies im learning to sew again i used to be able to sew but the sasms in arms an hands make it diff ive been doing a patchwork for ages an i mean ages
but again im trying thats all i can do is try

i love comming on this site sometimes i dont feel i have the right to make a post maybe thats just how im feeling dont no
thank you all listening to me whittering on

my name is Deb im 43 i live in Wales

juliapenguin

I've not posted for ages on here, as I thought everyone had gone over to the other forum.

I've had the happiest couple of months I can remember, learning to enjoy and value homemaking again, and I'm determined never to get too frantically busy again. I have, however, been offered a few hours of teaching at three different schools, and I've decided to go back to work after all. I absolutely love teaching, and hope that doing one class a day of 2-3 hours will not be too draining or stressful. If it is, I'll cut back again. It would have been nice to just do a couple of days, but the fact that none of the classes clashed with another and that I'd been approached without me applying for the work made me decide to give it a go.

My priorities have changed so much while I've been off work, and I don't plan to go back to my old stressed-out life.

pollyanna_21

I,m with you all the way, Good Luck