The Modern but Old Style Homemakers Club

lollyfin

Hi HoneyB17
i am another one whos OH works offshore (im sure there are quite a few of us on here just never met any so thats why I have pounced on you soz)
How do you cope with the routine change from him being here to not, because I find it quite difficult
I have my routines (kind of!) for when hes away and then when he comes home it all goes out the window the house ends up a bomb and the budget is blown
Thing is I feel that I have to let him enjoy himself when he comes home (basically do what he wants) as hes been stuck on the rig doing a quite stressful job for however long, I have missed him and hes "allowing " me to do what i want which is stay at home
I think its my guilt at being at home when i could have a job and just being glad to see him that means I kind of spoil him like a kid and we treat his time at home a bit like a holiday
thanks for any advice from anyone
lollyfin

tooties

hi can i join please?
just lost a couple of hours reading the thread now going to check out the chatty one,
will be back sometime to introduce myself etc
tooties

Margaret54

Hi I would love to join too please. i had to retire through ill health in 2006 after a R.T.A and the children all grown now are in their own homes so just me and my dh. i do feel lonely at times, so this would be so nice.

monnagran

Where is everyone? Have you all abandonned this thread in favour of the other one? I feel lonely.

oldtractor

I'm here. I've had a really bad day. the freezer arrived this morning and apart from being pleased about that and going to the shops for a few groceries i've been really down. cant motivate myself and theres even a pile of washing up waiting to be done. it was snadwiches for diner. had a couple of days like this this week. hope it doesnt last.

juliapenguin

I'm here too - I thought everyone had disappeared too! I've missed posting on here.

I've had a very difficult and up-and-down few days. My last supply teaching contract finished a week ago, but I've had a couple of private lessons this week so I've earned a small amount. My niece came to stay overnight yesterday, which was lovely, but I've found myself very low and demotivated to do the sort of things which keep my mental health good, like reading, doing crafts, keeping on top of the housework etc. I've been watching Jeremy Kyle re-runs and endless Judge Judy episodes - a little bit of fluff TV is good for me when I'm working long hours, but when I'm at home I just sit there like a moron getting more and more depressed.

Next week I'm going to turn over a new leaf and learn to treat homemaking and mental health improvement as a sort of job, with a loose timetable and a task list. I've got one week before we go on holiday to Germany - I haven't flown for five years as I can't cope with crowded airports, so I'm going to need to be in good shape mentally before we leave. If I have a good week at home before I go I think I'll be ok - I've got various strategies for coping with flying this time, so I'm reasonably optimistic that I'll be ok.

I'm glad this thread is back up and running - I'd like to post on here about getting a homemaker routine going, if anyone wants to give good ideas about how to avoid the Jeremy Kyle trap!

Chaos_Monkey

Hi Juliapenguin and Oldtractor - sorry to hear you are both feeling down this week - big hugs

Juliapenguin, the way I stop myself from wasting the day watching rubbish daytime telly is to not put it on at all but have the radio on instead. Instead, I while away my days on MSE and emailing, which isn't much more productive, really! But still, I get to read about moneysaving tips and feel a part of the community that the telly doesn't give me, so it call be all that bad, can it?!

Oldtractor, I also had a (big) pile of washing up sat for about 4 days this week and had to think up 'one pot wonder' meals so I didn't need many pans etc! I also forgot to make DH's lunch sandwiches one day this week, so he had to buy something out. Try not to beat yourself up for having a bad couple of days, I'm sure everyone has them sometimes. This week I've been totally off kilter. But, it's the past - nowt I can do about it now!

I recently bought myself a nice new 'To Do' notepad and had a right old time of it writing down my list of jobs and ticking them off as I did them....the novelty wore off after about a week though! :rotfl:
Will get back to using it again this week, as it really did help me focus my mind. That said, I don't beat myself up (too much) if I don't get everything done - most things will wait another few days without causing any harm.

Right, off to ignore the new washing up pile and think about going to the craft shop

Hope everyone feels better next week

CM

Rowan9

Funny isn't it - I've also had a low couple of days. Maybe something about the seasons changing? I love autumn but can get a bit low in winter and last year used a light for the first time, which helped a lot.
Julia- I think one way to help the TV watching is to split each hour into bits - 15 mins or 30 mins doing an activity then move on to the next - so, 15 mins of washing up, 15 mins hoovering, back to 15 mins washing up then 'reward' of 15 mins own time - you can do what you like then - watch Jeremy Kyle or go on MSE or knit, crochet, sith with feet up and cup of tea, then start again when the 15 mins is up. This has worked for me, especially when I see a pile of dishes and the sight of them drains any energy. The point is, don't let it drain your precious energy because you don't have to do them all, just little bites of that elephant. I list, say washing up, and then put a tick beside it each time I've done a few more dishes. All those ticks are very satisfying!
I feel drained when I spend too much time on my laptop. I think my brain is secretly thinking of all the other things I need to do (like experience life instead of reading about other people's!) and I waste energy feeling guilty.
Hope you all have a good weekend.
W

juliapenguin

Thanks for the hugs and advice - I'm also struggling terribly with menopause symptoms. I think this is why my mental health is so awful at the moment, and I've got a weird disorder called cholinergic urticaria which has recently become a hundred times worse because of the hot flushes. My GP said I could have three years on HRT but that would only delay the inevitable return of the symptoms, and we agreed that I would wait and see if I can manage as I am - so I'm reading everything I can find about natural ways to beat the worst of the symptoms. I'm trying a magnetic device called LadyCare which sounded ridiculous when I first read about it, but there have been a couple of quite convincing clinical trials and I'm giving it a go. I know that taking good care of myself and staying positive are really important - at all times but especially now when I'm feeling so low - so I'm going to take all your good advice and try to have a positive and organised week where I treat myself with real care and respect - this includes taking care of my home as I'm very sensitive to mess, dirt and disorder!!

juliapenguin

wmf wrote: »

Julia- I think one way to help the TV watching is to split each hour into bits - 15 mins or 30 mins doing an activity then move on to the next - so, 15 mins of washing up, 15 mins hoovering, back to 15 mins washing up then 'reward' of 15 mins own time - you can do what you like then - watch Jeremy Kyle or go on MSE or knit, crochet, sith with feet up and cup of tea, then start again when the 15 mins is up. This has worked for me, especially when I see a pile of dishes and the sight of them drains any energy. W

I always used to do this but have recently got out of the habit, so thanks for reminding me. I've just done a 15 minute stint using my timer - unfortunately being busy for that long gave me a massive attack of urticaria, so I think I'm going to see whether 10 minute stints are better. When I first started following FlyLady I was stunned at how much I can achieve in 15 minutes, and even 10 minutes will make a difference, I think.

I might do 10 minutes of physically active jobs, 10 minutes of sitting down household jobs, then 20 minutes of rest and reward time.

My problem is that if I can't be perfect I don't want to do anything! Not very helpful and I need to learn to adapt to what I can physically and mentally cope with. The urticaria is driving me insane (I get covered with an itchy rash - the antihistamines barely touch it but it's even worse without them) so I have to focus on keeping as cool as possible - not easy when you're menopausal!