Depression

kronas

hey all, i sat down two days ago and went in to a 'thought mode' i like to call it, its when my mind is at its clearist, free of any improper and negative thoughts, so i sat down (after alot of pacing up and down) and started to go in to my self consciously with where my thoughts would lead me to my unhappiness about everything, including myself, it all boils down to simple everyday things, for a lot of people these things can be minor, but for me they are an intricate part of life, im not talking about other people annoying me etc, im talking about the faults in me, what i want and miss that i dont have, its not money etc, just extremely personal to me, i think the few problems that i have attributed towards my downfall have become incredibly simple, they dont solve everything, but solve the majority of my problems, sadly i am powerless to change these things

Tiff_2

Good morning guys!:hello:
Hope everyone is safe and sound.
Tiff hugs


to sazzy, elona, blinky, ethel, qb, stenny, miro, gilly, feelie, rose, gemini, beer, goldy, l-t-d, williamo, kronas, bunnie, flis, mrs.a, et al.
Good luck to all those with appts today (me too ). Howling wind and rain here - it's only because I'm going out!;) Absolutely crackered...
Had ex-DH turn up last night!

His OH had gone to a works outing & he was saying he didn't want to be left on his own with her adult DS and could he come over. I said yes - not had this situation for a few years - and he had dinner with us and then he and DS went on the computer. Said there's some problems because of her DS and as my ex is on holiday and her DS is at home due to an injury, they are around each other 24 hrs right now.

There's nothing between ex & I at all, on either side. In fact, I find it hard to see what I ever saw in him which is kinda sad. Hindsight is a wonderful thing huh?

It's taken years to be free of him and I find it hard to feel any sympathy after what he's put me through. I always took responsibility for him and for making him happy. We live in the same town and DS goes to see him every other weekend. Whatever happens, he's not going to be using my spare room - before I'd have felt obliged to say come over until you get yourself sorted & those words nearly fell out of my mouth.:eek:

But you know what, I shut my mouth and detached myself from the whole thing. His OH knew he was coming over and picked him up at 11.10p.m. She knows that there's a problem between him and her DS. She's a nice person. Her DS doesn't speak, ignorant etc. according to my ex ... much like ex was to me and my family actually!:D So what goes around really does come around, as they say!:rotfl:

I felt good about taking control of myself and realising that my life is on enough of a see-saw without providing him with an ear or a bolt hole. I won't let him come again for dinner - not going to allow this to be a precedent. It sounds so cold-hearted but I'm not like that.

It would be so easy to fall into the trap of helping him out all the time - just like I always did. I have finally let it sink in that he is responsible for himself and I've got my own life to find. And I couldn't help but remember all the pain he'd caused and how DS and I had left due to domestic violence (mainly emotional cruelty) and lived in a shelter. For 2 years after that, I helped him (money, stopping in the spare room to visit DS because he only lived in one room) because I felt guilty for leaving him. But he just took it all for granted - he was working fulltime, I was ill and on benefits and when he came over, he just kinda took over the house.
I didn't go through all that just to let it happen again.

Well, that's the Tiff news for now.:rolleyes:
I don't want to go out today - will someone check and see if our miro is doing a rain dance somewhere please?;) I hope you all have a good day.
Take care guys.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

kronas wrote:

hey all, i sat down two days ago and went in to a 'thought mode' i like to call it, its when my mind is at its clearist, free of any improper and negative thoughts, so i sat down (after alot of pacing up and down) and started to go in to my self consciously with where my thoughts would lead me to my unhappiness about everything, including myself, it all boils down to simple everyday things, for a lot of people these things can be minor, but for me they are an intricate part of life, im not talking about other people annoying me etc, im talking about the faults in me, what i want and miss that i dont have, its not money etc, just extremely personal to me, i think the few problems that i have attributed towards my downfall have become incredibly simple, they dont solve everything, but solve the majority of my problems, sadly i am powerless to change these things

Hi kronas!:hello:
I'm sorry I've not been able to get to know you recently and offer up Tiff advice, but as I've posted, there's a lot of things going on for me right now hun. I just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you or that I didn't care.;)
Sometimes it's good to take that trip inside ourselves if we can stop and take stock honestly of what we've been through (see my post above :rolleyes: ). I think imho that when it becomes truly clear exactly what the problems are angel, there is always a path away from them. Finding the path is the hard part. It is indeed a part of our mental ill health to believe that it's all our own fault and that there's no way out. There is always an answer to be found. You deserve happiness too angel.

I don't know your history hun but I hope you have support of some kind. I'm sure you know you can open up and share here as little or as much as you like. Even if we are responsible for things that have gone wrong, it's in our past - not necessarily our future. Sorry - I'm not trying to preach angel but you sounded so desolate in your post that I decided to reply. Please post on here if you need an ear - they're good folks on this thread.
Wishing you all the best and some peace of mind.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

elona

(((((tiff))))

((((fg))))))


Sazzy

I used to be useless at making rolls - what i do now is make the dough in the breadmaker - place it in roll shapes on greased oven tray - cover with clean tea towel and leave for over an hour at least for the rolls to rise and then I bake them.

Tiff
Would love to have you round.
If it were not for the slow cooker and breadmaker I would be lost - I tend to be a "Bung it all in and leave it" cook.

When i feel really useless making soup in the slow cooker and leaving it - makes me feel I have done something - stops me picking at rubbish - and is a really cheap way to get the best out of simple ingredients.

Dried peas, carrots, onions, potatoes and some veg cubes or ham hank make a soup that has DH a happy bunny and feeling spoiled - even DDs will eat my soup now!

You forget how eating "real food" can help.

Hugs to everyone.

blinky

Big hugs to all

geminilady

Tiff wrote:

Good morning guys!:hello:
Hope everyone is safe and sound.
Tiff hugs


to sazzy, elona, blinky, ethel, qb, stenny, miro, gilly, feelie, rose, gemini, beer, goldy, l-t-d, williamo, kronas, bunnie, flis, mrs.a, et al.
Good luck to all those with appts today (me too ). Howling wind and rain here - it's only because I'm going out!;) Absolutely crackered...
Had ex-DH turn up last night!

His OH had gone to a works outing & he was saying he didn't want to be left on his own with her adult DS and could he come over. I said yes - not had this situation for a few years - and he had dinner with us and then he and DS went on the computer. Said there's some problems because of her DS and as my ex is on holiday and her DS is at home due to an injury, they are around each other 24 hrs right now.

There's nothing between ex & I at all, on either side. In fact, I find it hard to see what I ever saw in him which is kinda sad. Hindsight is a wonderful thing huh?

It's taken years to be free of him and I find it hard to feel any sympathy after what he's put me through. I always took responsibility for him and for making him happy. We live in the same town and DS goes to see him every other weekend. Whatever happens, he's not going to be using my spare room - before I'd have felt obliged to say come over until you get yourself sorted & those words nearly fell out of my mouth.:eek:

But you know what, I shut my mouth and detached myself from the whole thing. His OH knew he was coming over and picked him up at 11.10p.m. She knows that there's a problem between him and her DS. She's a nice person. Her DS doesn't speak, ignorant etc. according to my ex ... much like ex was to me and my family actually!:D So what goes around really does come around, as they say!:rotfl:

I felt good about taking control of myself and realising that my life is on enough of a see-saw without providing him with an ear or a bolt hole. I won't let him come again for dinner - not going to allow this to be a precedent. It sounds so cold-hearted but I'm not like that.

It would be so easy to fall into the trap of helping him out all the time - just like I always did. I have finally let it sink in that he is responsible for himself and I've got my own life to find. And I couldn't help but remember all the pain he'd caused and how DS and I had left due to domestic violence (mainly emotional cruelty) and lived in a shelter. For 2 years after that, I helped him (money, stopping in the spare room to visit DS because he only lived in one room) because I felt guilty for leaving him. But he just took it all for granted - he was working fulltime, I was ill and on benefits and when he came over, he just kinda took over the house.
I didn't go through all that just to let it happen again.

Well, that's the Tiff news for now.:rolleyes:
I don't want to go out today - will someone check and see if our miro is doing a rain dance somewhere please?;) I hope you all have a good day.
Take care guys.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Hi Tiff,I meant to reply to your post yesterday but time has been running away with me lately.I have not been going to bed till 2 or 3am so have been getting up very late with just enough time to pop on here and get ready for work.It is nice to see you posting when you are going through a hard time worrying about your mum,we will never have another mum,lost mine 10 yrs ago and still miss her suppose i always will.No matter how old we get there are still times in our lives when we just want our mum,nobody else will do.
It is lovely you had such a nice time on her birthday with all the family around.Please don't think you have to be bright and bouncy all the time.That would be impossible with what you are going through.We are here if you just want to sound off.You are such a support to everyone on here and we are here for you to.
Well you did have a unusal evening last night lol.It was very good of you to let your x come for dinner considering all he has put you through.It was good to hear you felt nothing for him,that is when we know we are really over someone when all the love and hate is gone.I do think he had a bit of a cheek in asking though surely he has a friend he could have gone to or even taken your DS out to the cinema or somewhere.I am glad you have decided not to let him come again.He is not your responsability not that he ever was,relationships are supposed to be a two way thing and it does not seem like yours ever was.
I must just mention one thing and i am not getting at you in any way just being me,if something bothers me i have to speak my mind.In yesterdays post you made a joke,i think it was to Ethel,someone who is getting a cleaner,saying she had better lock up her jewels.I know it was a joke but as i am an office cleaner lol it hit home.Of course you have to be careful letting ANY stranger into your home but just because someone is a cleaner it does not mean they have lesser morals than anyone else.Its funny a while ago something went missing at the place where i work and the culprit was found to be one of the security men,the very people supposed to protect the place!
Please don't be offended i am not having a go at you in anyway and i do know it was a joke.

geminilady

blinky wrote:

Big hugs to all

Hi Blinky,What would we do without your hugs? How are you today?

blinky

Bit tired, busy for once at work

Seeing 'R' tonight though :j :j :kisses2:

gillette147

Has everyone taken a night off then?

Or has there been a fire drill and you are all at Assemby Point B?

CVID

The worst times come at night, when I can't get to sleep and I'm so tired of feeling - and being - ill.