Depression

Tulip

slowlyfading wrote: »

hey,
is it okay if i join on this thread? Having the worse week ever and feeling
sf x

Of course it is ok to join on here SF,welcome


Katie

gillette147

Enjoy the black out tonite folks.
Hugs to you all
xxx

Tulip

Well I am off before the board is closed for a while.

I will chat tomorrow and have a nice night

Night Night everyone,

lots of love,

Katie

juno

I'm now crying because my boyfriend ate my chocolate bar

Tiff_2

mclaren wrote: »

Self confession

This basicly a self confession.

For the past few years, I have been lying to myself, and to everybody around me – telling them and myself I am okay when I am not. I hate to be aburden to anybody, and I hate of people to think I am weak and or mentally unballanced. When i am at the point where i feel i need to let it all out, i push people away and dont let anyone near me.

It all started, when I was about 14. At school, I got bullied day in day out – by both pupils and teachers. Both mental and physical. Anyway, decided when I was 14 that I could not stand it anymore. Each day I came home, I would be so depressed, crying, and very fustrated at how i could not stop it all. I thought about “doing it” to get out of the pain. For a solid 4 months, I kept going, but one day, I came home and I smashed my head of my door. I knocked myself out for about 3 mins and had a hell of a bump, but it did help.

I then left school at 14, as I just could not cope with it. Finally, I went to a special school (not residential) and went there for 6 months until I was 16. There, is where I was actually diagnosed with learning difficulties – aspergers (tho got proper diag with clinical psych) and dyslexia.

From the age of 16, I became a carer – which added more stress to me but I coulnt moan.

Over the past 3 years (since 18) I have been depressed quite sevear, I have done so many things. Ive cut myself (one severar) but mainly smaller, taken OD (had 3 boxes of trazadone AD’s there) hit myself, hit head of brick wall, door, attempted suaside, and a few other things. (Think I have posted before saying, but cant remember) and I have had some visions of me as a 3rd person flying out of the window…..

Anyway, So for the past 8 years, I have been like this, on and off.

I have never asked for help (apart from when I realised I was hitting the edge and texted rbk) but over the 8 years, ive never asked for help. I have been to GP (when was 18) andhe started with meds (suffered alone from for 4 years)….. from then, I have been on and off them.

Ive never really admitted it outright – so here goes

I am depressed.

I never ask for help, because I don’t want to be aburden to anybody, and I never tell people how I feel, even on here, as I know everybody has their own problems to deal with. I hate to be selfish and take up a post that could help somebody else (why am i doing this now? i dont know!).

One thing I have never though, has been locked up in psych ward but I have been close before. TBH I don’t want to go in to one. I have to go near one when I go to the psych but never inside the actual hospital.

When I am asked – how am I feeling or how I am – I will ALWAYS say I am okay or im fine – even if I am not. Why? Its because I don’t want to be a selfish pr!ck. Also, if somebody else is down, I would like to help them rather than talk about me me me.

I am going to the GP on Tuesday at 10:30AM, and I have written things down to discuss including depression and paranoia (yes, I actually do feel that people in the street talk about me, laugh at me ,etc…) makes me  (depression or paranoia?)

I do hope nobody here will judge me bad for this post. I just thought I should be honest with people here. Tiff said that you guys wouldn’t mind – and she is normally right about things. I feel really bad about posting this.

Sorry if this post has made you - I didn’t mean to lol

Truth being – at the moment, my mood out of 10 (10 best 0 bad) is about a 3.

I have periodically asked myself If I being selfish – most of the times I say yes but I am not the kind of person to be selfish, so I don’t understand it.

Thanks for reading, and if you did fall asleep during this, i dont blame you

***WAKE UP NOW***

Hi mac hun!:hello:
How are you angel?

I know we've pm'd about various help options and about posting on here over the last couple of days - and I know that was really hard for you to do. So I want to say thank you for trusting me and opening up to me.

I want to say well done for posting your situation on here hun.
I know how much it has taken for you to take this enormous step in baring your soul to the board mac. after all you've been through.:T I know how scared and worried you were angel, as we all are to begin with.
But look around hun, there have been no lightning bolts or nasty comebacks to your post. People can be very compassionate and you're as entitled to compassion as much as anyone else.

If I know them at all, I know that you will only receive positive comments and support and hugs from the guys here on the board. We don't judge each other mac - we help each other. You are finally opening starting to open up hun, and I am truly proud of you!

When you feel ready mac, you could print out your post and show it to your gp. This would save you feeling so awkward or embarrassed - neither of which you should be!

I think it'll be good to tell the gp angel because then you can be re-assessed by him and maybe some of your diagnoses would change. If they don't know the whole story hun, it can make such a big difference to the treatment you get. There's no point, for example, in being treated for asthma if you've got diabetes, which is basically what happens when our drs only get part of the story. I'm so glad you're going to see your gp angel.:T

You come on here mac, despite your own illnesses, and you make people smile, you're friendly and you're helpful to others. That's amazing when you have had all this to deal with on your own.

I think you've shown great strength and courage with your post and I admire that honesty angel. It must be such a relief to start to share such a heavy load hun.;)
I hope you know that we all understand and care. I believe help and support should be unconditional and I truly feel that on this board.:T :A

Remember hun - you are so much more than your illnesses. You are not a diagnosis - you're a real person and it's okay to be yourself.;) You're still part of the family.
Your post won't make me feel any differently about you hun.

You're still the same mac you always were! :T

Good luck with the dr tomorrow angel and you know where we all are if you need us. Keep us posted. Bless you hun -thinking of you.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

queensway_boy

Huggys for everyone



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blinky

Blinky , where you been recently, busy with R? I hope you both are doing ok. You both look soo happy together. Its soo good that you have found someone hun. We can wait a lifetime for the right person, but it all comes good in the end. x

Hiya Rose :wave: :hello: :hello:

You've been busy over the last few days. Thank you for the lovely poems

Sorry I don't spend as much time hear as I used to. Far too busy (work, moving house)

Yes, both myself and 'R' are very happy at the moment

Take care

Paul

Big hugs to all

Let_Robinson_Sing

Hello Folks!

Off back home from staying at my gf's. Whenever i get ill I always see her, she is the only one who i can talk to about things. I have NO other friends back home, I guess thats my own fault, i've never been a social person. I just cant !!!!!!! wait until my exams are over, it is creating so much stress and so much hurt at home, I just want to fastforward the next 6 weeks.

slowlyfading

Good morning everyone
Let_Robinson_Sing, what exams are you doing? I'm in the middle of my 2nd year exams, and I know all about stress at the moment! Hang in there, it'll all be over before you know it.
Feeling much better today, but maybe that's because the sun has made an appearance this morning Have a list of things to do today that's a mile long, so I'm trying not to panic that I overslept this morning.
sf x

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,

Just a quick message this morning as I am off to the hospital very soon for my EEG as you all know I will report back as to how it went later on.

Mclaren You are an inspiration to us all,thanks for sharing all that about you yesterday

RBK Hope you are ok

Karrie Hope you are alright too and have a lovely week

Tiff You are a great person just remember that and I always like to read what advice you give to people

everyone I havent mentioned sorry as it would make this post longer and I havent time to write you all down but you are not forgotten

well got to dash now and chat tonight,

lots of love to all,

Katie xxx