Depression

Sazbo

rose07 wrote:

awww huggles for you

mwah mwah xxxxx

lol just was getting down offa chair and bang me !!!! no i got a sore !!!!, lmao

ok anyone here got a pc?

LOL I told you to be careful!

feelinggood_2

rose07 wrote:

ok will put it politely me bum :rotfl:

my room a totall mess now :rotfl:

My house is spotless Scrubbed the kitchen with bleach and a toothbush the other day :rotfl:

Sazbo

feelinggood wrote:

My house is spotless Scrubbed the kitchen with bleach and a toothbush the other day :rotfl:

Didn't that take ages?! :think:

feelinggood_2

Sazbo wrote:

Didn't that take ages?! :think:

I didn't scrub all of it hehe. Just the bits that needed doing - windowsill, sink, tiles on the wall, the cooker. I've got nothing better to do!

rose07

Sazbo wrote:

LOL I told you to be careful!

i know, i dont think areful is in my vocab

just fell over a box, :rotfl:

god feelie you wanna come here and do me room? :rotfl:

i do the bathroom when i am rota down i do the taps and the sink, scurting board it all,

trying do the works with ma room but got lots to do :rotfl:

but once it done i can relax and paint got lots a canvases to paint

feelinggood_2

Big hugs to all from our lovely matey Stenny -
Hes thinking of you all and sending lots and lots and lots of hugs over for you all

Sazbo

feelinggood wrote:

Big hugs to all from our love matey Stenny -
Hes thinking of you all and sending lots and lots and lots of hugs over for you all

Aww, thanks for thinking of us, big hugs to you Stenny
Sazxx

Miroslav

geminilady wrote:

Hi Miro,I know writing it down does not change things but hoped it helped a little.As you say you cannot escape your own head the only thing that will make things easier is time.I know it does not help you at the minute but the pain WILL get easier.I do know how you feal every minute seams like an hour and an hour like a day and no matter what you do "s" is still there in your head.As you said you already know the answer she got scared and you are right it does not make your pain any easier.You say moving on is not an option at the moment but you can try keeping yourself busy,working out,going for walks,housework,whatever you normaly do.That will help.
Not sure i agree with the councellor saying "s" wants you to chase her,if she suffers from stress and anxiety that will be the last thing she wants.I don't know if it was just one message that your flatmate sent but maybe she could wait a week or so then send another "s" may respond to that.you said how will you deal with it if "S" and your flatmate remain friends,i suppose thats up to you and what you want when your emotions are not so raw,maybe seeing her would be too hard,if so i am sure your flatmate could arrange to see her somewhere else so you do not have to have contact.Or maybe you could settle for being friends just not in the boy/girl way? or maybe "s" does not even want that?from what you have said i don't think she knows what she wants.

I am trying to keep busy, it's just very hard.

Knowing 'S' like I know her, she craves attention. I'm not thinking she wants to be chased, but as my flatmate says, right now, she'll be feeling really bad. So bad she can't even contact flatmate.

Flatmate only left one message, and in reality, flatmate doesn't like 'S' that much at all. I didn't realise how much 'S' annoyed my flatmate, who thinks she has no manners and rubs her up the wrong way. In reality, 'S' was spoilt when young, and still acts like a spolit brat at times. You daren't challenge her on anything, not even the time! The only reason flatmate was seeing her, was because of me, she'd had enough of 'S' before this fallout but was 'keeping the peace'

I would love to be just friends with 'S', just to be there for her, knowing how badly she struggles, just to look out for her, but she wants nothing, or at least she says she does - in reality, my flatmate and I know she wants to be with me, so has left me before I could leave her.

'S' knows what she wants, but is too frightened to go for it, because of all the other failures - I know the feeling, I now feel that no girl will like me again, I can't even stay in a relationship longer than 5 hours!

Miroslav

Tiff wrote:

Hi miro hun!:hello:
Thanks for posting angel. We've missed you. I'm sorry you're feeling so low miro.

Miro hun, from the start you have been a gentleman as you say, you've been kind and thoughtful and you've done everything you could to make this into a romance.
From the synopsis you posted, the ups/downs and on/off relationship you had with s, are clear and we've been there with you all the way through your happiness and your sorrow.
We've seen the pain and pleasure that trying to establish a relationship with s has caused you.

But it wasn't to be sweetheart.
You have done nothing wrong angel.
And the hardest thing of all for you to accept, is going to be, that it is not her fault either.
Sweetheart, it will be no consolation to you now, but it is her mental ill health that is purely to blame.
She is a very poorly young lady.
You've said yourself how very ill she is and you didn't know if the relationship would work, & yes, I know how much you wanted it to work.

She can't be what you wanted her to be hun.
Even though you made no demands on her, she understood how you felt but obviously couldn't face being in any relationship - not just with you miro. She doesn't seem able to maintain relationships of any kind because of her illness. Her illness stands in the way of many things for her and she is trying to accept this.

If there is any kind of comfort angel, at least she was very honest with you that she is not well enough to deal with anything.
You've said how much she lies but she took a big step in opening up to you and being so honest. And although she knew you'd do whatever it took to make things work, she was telling you that it couldn't happen.
That took a lot of doing for her hun.

I know you feel heartbroken but at least you found the courage to try. And you will again with someone else.
It is not an all-or-nothing situation.
You'd started to get more upbeat and were thinking of charity work, you were told you were attractive to 8 other women - hun, there are positives in your life, but your pain stops you from seeing them. Give yourself time to heal.

I wouldn't pursue this any further angel, as hard as that sounds.
I know how much you care and want to help her hun but she's got a different path to follow than yours. You can't save her hun - she's not ready for a knight in shining armour. It's not what she needs.
If you press her any further, no matter how gently, it may make her health worse.
She'll feel under enormous pressure hun. She doesn't see things as you and flatmate do.

She's made her choice and was open with you in the end.
She probably thought at the time that it might work hun, but that seems to be part of her illness. I don't think she was being deceitful or meant to hurt you.
She can't help herself, she's not ready and she needs to get better angel.
It would not be fair to her, to prolong something she can't manage now.
She's telling you from her heart how she's feeling.

Travel on miro hun - see the opportunities in life and love that exist for you when you are ready. You have shown what a warm, caring person you are. Everything changes hun - nothing, not even this pain, will last forever. And it's because of this, that your wounds will heal and you'll go on.
Let down your barriers just enough so that you can allow chances to appear angel and be able to see them. The barriers you said you put up may be the reason why there's only been 3 relationships in 15 years hun and maybe it's time to bring them down a little.

Right now, take care of yourself hun - cry, rant, do whatever it takes to let the pain out. I so feel for you angel and I know how much you are hurting. I know the nightmares you've faced and I truly admire your courage for being the survivor you are.:T
Live life now for yourself, build a structure for yourself hun - and watch the world fall into place.
As blinky would say...
Here for you as always hun.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

I know it's no-one's fault. I've done my best, and her illness has got in the way, and I wouldn't do anything to hurt 'S' - EVER!

BUT, my flatmate doesn't believe it's the end, knowing how erratic she is, and I will always be there for 'S', if she ever wanted to be friends again.

I am confused myself - I care about 'S' so much, I neglected my own life. I think of her as someone to love in many many ways, but I do realise, a relationship right now, possibly ever, would be too much for 'S' - I just want to be someone in her life, to look out for her, to be an ear, to be someone to hug her when she feels like poop. She is so vulnerable, and I don't want anyone taking advantage of her.

She was honest with me, and to be honest in return, it's the one of the only things she was honest with me about.

The really sad thing that I have come to the conclusion, as well as flatmate has - she does care for me, she does want to be with me, she does have feelings for me, she doesn't want me to find someone else, BUT she feels she is too unwell - which is very very possible, and she won't let me hang around and wait for her, like I said I would - so she has booted me, maybe to stop seeing me move on.......I don't know, but I don't accept she doesn't want me, because even unconfident Miro knows it was all there, if it wasn't for that damn illness!

I've let my barriers down and i've been hurt - not hurt because I have been rejected - hurt because someone wants me - but can't because of illness, that is so painful

I'm not sure what to do, I know I have to carry on, but I honestly believe no-one will ever care for me again, it's just not my life.

I can't cry anymore, It just won't happen.

I don't think I will meet anyone again and i'll hang around just incase 'S' comes back one day. I won't live for that, but knowing 'S', this may not be the end........although i'm going to have to live as if that is the case....but i'm open to a return, although next time, I will not put my feelings on the line as much as I have this time, I need time to heal, and it may be a long time.

Miroslav

Sazbo wrote:

Miro sweetheart, you are very brave to post when you're hurting so much - I just wanted to say I admire you for that. I don't think there is a lot more I can add to the excellent posts by kronas, gemini and tiffy. It's desperately sad that S being honest and facing up to her own problems would entail causing pain for you. Obviously that's not what anyone would want to happen by choice. But clearly she had no choice. Your feelings were, sadly, in the line of fire, but her decision wasn't directed at you personally.

As hurtful as this has been for you, I know you care enough for her to accept that you wouldn't want her to prolong a situation that was not helping her, even if you felt it was right for you. As tiff says, she needs to follow a different path than yours. She's faced up to that painful truth and (for her sake and yours) so must you, as best as you are able to, my dearest miro.

Believe me I haven't enjoyed posting this any more than you've enjoyed reading it. But I have always told you that I wouldn't sugar-coat an uncomfortable truth because that would be a betrayal of the respect I have for you. It is all the more important that I hold to that now.

We're always here for you.

Much love,
Sazxxx

I know it wasn't at me personally. She could have done it better though. I deserved more than a note through my door.

I don't believe it's the end, maybe it is, I don't know, but I feel one day maybe. People are telling me, she will come back one day, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe next year, but they feel it's not the end. I won't live for something that may never happen, but I will always leave the door open for her, for she is a very special person to me, and it's her illness that has pushed me away. She made me feel really good, like no-one else has, for a long time.

I shall move on, in my own time, but 'S' will always be welcome back in my life, albeit I will be a bit more backwards if she comes back. I know she wants to be with me, and I don't envisage anyone else wanting me, she just can;'t right now. I'm not waiting for her as such, as I must move on slowly, but moving on doesn't mean I shall not leave the door open.

I have applied for voluntary work in a local Charity Shop - painful as that was - trying to move on.

I hope one day this pain will stop, it's more of a sad pain, knowing someone cares about me, wants to be with me, but can't.......i've been rejected before, but this isn't out of hate, this is someone saying "I'm too ill, I can't ask you to wait, you're better than me"

Yes, she may be too ill, but I can wait and i'm not better than her, even if she thinks i'll only leave her anyway.

I will move on, but she can jump on the Miro steam train, whenever, she is ready to come back.