Depression

blinky

Have a good weekend all :wave:

Sazbo

blinky wrote:

Have a good weekend all :wave:

You too Blinky hun! Have a lovely time :wave:

Sazxxx

learning_to_drive

Hi guys, still unsure about everything, dont know what to do really about anything, looks like I will have a loan for the car sorted, then I will sell the car, hopefully recouping £3,000 (loan for £5,000) and using half to pay off other debts and half to go on overpaying the loan.

Thats the plan, as for the depression / anxiety, hopefully I will get through tonight and then push on, but Im wary of wanting too much too soon. I just think there has to be more to life than this lot.

learning_to_drive

Sorted, parents getting a loan for me (£5k) and I am going to pay off the car, then sell the car to a dealer or somethig, thus using that money to pay off HFC (29.9% - £515) and Mint Cards (£900 16.9%) and possibly my catalogue debts too. Any spare, I will put £500 away for a used car when I am sorted a bit more, and there is some small outgoings with car insurance on my dads car (old corsa so not too much).

Saving £360 a month (taking away minimum payments / petrol / car insurance etc etc)

Feel better now, obviously not 100% right but on my way, looking at taking a job that involves day working at Natwest, was offered it in the new year but couldnt take it because of my problem with having the car but not being able to use it (public transport only).

CVID

Further to my post yesterday, this is just to say thank you for the pms and I'm trying to get through answering them all!

kronas

had another miserable day, was in and out of consciousness all night, thirsty all the time, must of drunk litres of juice, some water, then had to get up early, i then proceeded to throw up old bit of food from the night before eww, it tasted absolutely digusting, retched some more, got dressed, threw up some more then went to the sorting office for royalmail (see last post) i got there and it wasent a parcel (as i though it was) it was a big jiffy envelope with.....FREE ENVELOPES!!! they couldnt post it through the letter box!!!!???

so i then had to wait a bit for my mate to go and pickup the DHL parcel, i was already in a bad mood, i was feeling like my internals were being surgically knifed every so often with the pain, so i went in and said 'im here to pickup a parcel' he took the card the driver left came back with the parcel a minute or two later...

then i just proceeded to say 'the driver never rang the doorbell as someone is nearly aalways in, especially at the time, he didnt knock as well, im quite disappointed by that'

he said, 'im sure our drivers always try to make contact to deliver parcels, on lieu, they are busy'

i said: yes i know they are busy i have read the stories about your firm!

he just smiled:

then i said: i was going to use you guys for a few heavy shipments (true thing) but i think i will change my mind now.

he said, why let one bad experiance judge us

i said one is enough and as i said i hear the stories!

he said, you dont need to complain to me i just work here not a driver!

i said, fair enough... your quite right!

by this point he took a look at my ID noted it down, i signed and thats it, thanks bye...

to be honest he was smiling the whole way through it...

so all day i have had 2 piecs of chocolate and four slices of bread with a spread on, some water and thats it.

i still feel worse for wear!

Miroslav

Well, I'll write what I write.......i'm not sure why I'm writing this, it won't make a difference to how I feel.....I can't escape my own head and no-one can change anything. At the moment I feel lost.

It's been 1 week since I last saw 'S', for the very last time.

November 29th, was the date she had a go at me in a restaurant. I thought i'd lost her, but when we made up 8 days later, things just got better and better.

New Years Eve she came around to my place, and I couldn't do it anymore - I had to tell her how I felt - she responded well, telling me she had feelings for me, that she would be gutted if I found someone else and that we would take it slowly, that I had treated her better than any guy she has met. I was so happy.....

5 hours later 3.30am - she backed off. She mentioned how her mental health problems would get in the way, how she thought I was too good for her and that she couldn't ask me too wait.

She didn't want to talk about it again.

On the Thursday, 4th, flatmate went out for a coffee with her, and she talked about things. Flatmate told me she said she was scared and thought i'd only find someone else, but she liked the idea of dating me, holding hands etc etc

I turned up last Friday, 5th, scared but excited. She went back on all what she said to flatmate and told me she just wanted to be friends. I was frustrated and upset, we talked for about 90 minutes, then she got upset with me and told me to go home and walked off.

It was the last I saw of her.

Sunday 7th, a note through my door saying how she feels we shouldn't see each other anymore. How I was attractive, had a good future and I would meet Miss Right.

She said how her stress and anxiety got in the way and she had to get better, ending the note with how she would give flatmate the money she owed me.

I was distraught, I was visibly shaking - i'd lost a big part of me.

I text - no reply. I responded via a note - no reply. Flatmate left a message on her phone - not even she has had a reply.

I'm stuck - i've heard nothing, I don't want to push anything, yet i'm broken. I feel lost, have no concentration and feel worthless.

How can someone want to be with someone, have feelings for them, be gutted if they found someone else, yet tell the same person they don't want them in there life? It doesn't make sense.

Everyone seems to think she ended it with me, before I had the chance to end it with her. But that's not right, I wouldn't have ended it with her......i'm not like that.

She says she never meant to hurt me, but she has. I have no idea what to do now, she was the first person in 5 1/2 years, and only the third in 15 years to get past my barriers. I don't want to lose her and I can't believe this is the end, even though I feel it won't change and she won't come back.

My flatmate is angry and annoyed, but if they do remain friends somehow, how do I deal with that?

I'm hurt, confused and I have no idea what I am going to do. She is on my mind 24/7 and I keep having dreams/nightmares with her the prominent figure.

She has no-one else close either. I don't understand why she has done this. I've always treated her well, she says all nice things about me.....why push away the nicest guy she has ever met?

The obvious answer - she got scared - sadly, it doesn't help me.

My counsellor said it sounds as if she might want me to chase her - but I'm not a stalker! What can I do? Time? Time is bloody hard! I can't just sit and wait for something that may never happen, but then moving on is not an option right now.

I'm lost......i've lost

kronas

hey miro, i know im saddened by the fact that she seems to have distanced herself, the samething in that respect has happened to me, i still sometimes get dreams of the girl i love, even if i dont really think about her, not as much as i used to.....

the point of my post is you need to move on, yes it hurts, it hurt me so much for a long time, life goes on, she will progress in life and so will you, you need to take opportunities to create new freinds, you will make them, but you have to control your feelings, for a while it was hard for me, so many people gave me a lot of advice but ignored them for a long time...

then i suddenly woke up and said, why am i feeling sad ? what have i lost ? nothing that i didnt have before, yes you may love someone but you will always find someone else, you just dont go looking for it or wait, you just 'be natural' in life when it comes to finding a girlfreind/ partner, you have to build bridges to make new friends and continue with existing ones.

these days there is a lot of pressure i feel on young people who want relationships, but i say this, relationships come and go, but your life also goes on too, so why sit around and mope all day and night, why have that feeling of disappointment, hurt and non-fulfiment, GET OUT AND DO THINGS, it really does help, the most important thing to remember is 'time is a great healer'

geminilady

Miroslav wrote:

Well, I'll write what I write.......i'm not sure why I'm writing this, it won't make a difference to how I feel.....I can't escape my own head and no-one can change anything. At the moment I feel lost.

It's been 1 week since I last saw 'S', for the very last time.

November 29th, was the date she had a go at me in a restaurant. I thought i'd lost her, but when we made up 8 days later, things just got better and better.

New Years Eve she came around to my place, and I couldn't do it anymore - I had to tell her how I felt - she responded well, telling me she had feelings for me, that she would be gutted if I found someone else and that we would take it slowly, that I had treated her better than any guy she has met. I was so happy.....

5 hours later 3.30am - she backed off. She mentioned how her mental health problems would get in the way, how she thought I was too good for her and that she couldn't ask me too wait.

She didn't want to talk about it again.

On the Thursday, 4th, flatmate went out for a coffee with her, and she talked about things. Flatmate told me she said she was scared and thought i'd only find someone else, but she liked the idea of dating me, holding hands etc etc

I turned up last Friday, 5th, scared but excited. She went back on all what she said to flatmate and told me she just wanted to be friends. I was frustrated and upset, we talked for about 90 minutes, then she got upset with me and told me to go home and walked off.

It was the last I saw of her.

Sunday 7th, a note through my door saying how she feels we shouldn't see each other anymore. How I was attractive, had a good future and I would meet Miss Right.

She said how her stress and anxiety got in the way and she had to get better, ending the note with how she would give flatmate the money she owed me.

I was distraught, I was visibly shaking - i'd lost a big part of me.

I text - no reply. I responded via a note - no reply. Flatmate left a message on her phone - not even she has had a reply.

I'm stuck - i've heard nothing, I don't want to push anything, yet i'm broken. I feel lost, have no concentration and feel worthless.

How can someone want to be with someone, have feelings for them, be gutted if they found someone else, yet tell the same person they don't want them in there life? It doesn't make sense.

Everyone seems to think she ended it with me, before I had the chance to end it with her. But that's not right, I wouldn't have ended it with her......i'm not like that.

She says she never meant to hurt me, but she has. I have no idea what to do now, she was the first person in 5 1/2 years, and only the third in 15 years to get past my barriers. I don't want to lose her and I can't believe this is the end, even though I feel it won't change and she won't come back.

My flatmate is angry and annoyed, but if they do remain friends somehow, how do I deal with that?

I'm hurt, confused and I have no idea what I am going to do. She is on my mind 24/7 and I keep having dreams/nightmares with her the prominent figure.

She has no-one else close either. I don't understand why she has done this. I've always treated her well, she says all nice things about me.....why push away the nicest guy she has ever met?

The obvious answer - she got scared - sadly, it doesn't help me.

My counsellor said it sounds as if she might want me to chase her - but I'm not a stalker! What can I do? Time? Time is bloody hard! I can't just sit and wait for something that may never happen, but then moving on is not an option right now.

I'm lost......i've lost

Hi Miro,I know writing it down does not change things but hoped it helped a little.As you say you cannot escape your own head the only thing that will make things easier is time.I know it does not help you at the minute but the pain WILL get easier.I do know how you feal every minute seams like an hour and an hour like a day and no matter what you do "s" is still there in your head.As you said you already know the answer she got scared and you are right it does not make your pain any easier.You say moving on is not an option at the moment but you can try keeping yourself busy,working out,going for walks,housework,whatever you normaly do.That will help.
Not sure i agree with the councellor saying "s" wants you to chase her,if she suffers from stress and anxiety that will be the last thing she wants.I don't know if it was just one message that your flatmate sent but maybe she could wait a week or so then send another "s" may respond to that.you said how will you deal with it if "S" and your flatmate remain friends,i suppose thats up to you and what you want when your emotions are not so raw,maybe seeing her would be too hard,if so i am sure your flatmate could arrange to see her somewhere else so you do not have to have contact.Or maybe you could settle for being friends just not in the boy/girl way? or maybe "s" does not even want that?from what you have said i don't think she knows what she wants.

Tiff_2

Hi l-t-d!:hello:
Hope you are well hun. I'm glad your parens are in a position to help and hope you've all thought it through to cover all possible eventualities. It sounds like it's a great weight off your mind.:T The priority don't forget, is that you have enough money for food, heat, light and transport first before paying anything else off.
Right hun, here's where Tiff gets her muzzle smacked!:eek:
I would seriously consider staying where you are at Asda angel. You were full of positives about working there. I noted though hun, that you felt the same about the other jobs. When you were feeling very low yesterday, you said you felt that you couldn't hold a job down. You've said before that you've had various jobs for only a few days. All these things made you very low, in addition to the financial problems. A week or two's pay from switching jobs and being unable to pay your bills - or eat!;) - was one of the problems you listed.

It's only been a couple of days hun. May I suggest sticking it out for a whole month - if not two? When you had the other banking jobs, you said you felt it wasn't for you and left, saying you preferred retail. I'm in no way preaching angel, but if you're going to get the stability you crave, don't you think you should maybe try and stay where you are? Switching jobs so much was causing you anxiety. I know you've been very low since starting but was that a culmination of many things and not just one?

Hun, give yourself time to settle in if you can. Making a place for yourself at Asda and keeping an eye out for a higher position at Asda could be a good idea imho. If you can't work there then you can't - but at least you will have tried to put some roots down. Plans only work if you stick to them hun!;)

The grass always looks greener on the other side angel, but you can't see where the cow pats are!:rolleyes:
Take care hun.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

learning_to_drive wrote:

Sorted, parents getting a loan for me (£5k) and I am going to pay off the car, then sell the car to a dealer or somethig, thus using that money to pay off HFC (29.9% - £515) and Mint Cards (£900 16.9%) and possibly my catalogue debts too. Any spare, I will put £500 away for a used car when I am sorted a bit more, and there is some small outgoings with car insurance on my dads car (old corsa so not too much).

Saving £360 a month (taking away minimum payments / petrol / car insurance etc etc)

Feel better now, obviously not 100% right but on my way, looking at taking a job that involves day working at Natwest, was offered it in the new year but couldnt take it because of my problem with having the car but not being able to use it (public transport only).