Depression

rose07

Tiff wrote:

Make that three please Rosie! :hello:
And if there's any catnip on offer...

Hope you're feeling better hun. Glad you're staying on the list hun.
Hun, don't anticipate what help they may give you this time. Well done for confiding in your dr about sh.
And even if you did go into hospital for a short while hun, look how much good it did you last time!:T
Now you take care ok?
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

here ya go hun

one for you too



there we go ya can share them lol

sounds like ya DS is keepin ya on ya toes :rotfl:

I am a slightly !!!!!! off rosie today, my meds have been changed by my psychiatrist locum i dont know why they have changed and i dont know why he changed them :mad:

and he sat there saying you just have to be positive wake up and smell the roses, the !!!!!! !!!!!! , askin me questions like are you married, nope i aint why that important.

and also my afternoon has just been mad , my friend that went missin rang me , says he is in love with me and wants to marry me and have sex, great!!!!!

so im

much love to all

xxx

EthelBloggs

hiya barcode.. welcome aboard.. I can relate to many of the things you are saying..

I'm on citalopram.. wonder if it's the same thng with a diff name? doesn't matter anyway, lol

I had similar experiences to you as a child.. except I can't remember the ages it started and stopped, in my case there were two separate people (both family friends) and when I mentioned it to my mum, she told me not to be so silly, they wouldnt do things like that.

I also had a drunken abusive father and my mother didn't drink but she worked so hard to keep our house etc that she didn't really have time to spend with me.

The upshot is that I have very few childhood memories, and even now I have a very poor memory and struggle to remeber things even from a day or so ago.. a psychologist I was seeing suggested that it was a defence mechanism, that i used to block things out as a child and I've just carried on doing but I block out too much now, lol

I too have very vivid, terrifying dreams.. one of which is me on an operating table with the surgeons all around me and because the anaethetic hasn't worked I can hear them saying they're going to cut me into "matchbox sized chunks" <-- always that phrase is said :eek: I also have a lot of dreams where I'm being chased or persecuted in some way, b/f often wakes me up cos I'm crying or talking in my sleep.

I'm also accused of being distant, I dont like being hugged or a lot of physical contact either, and people often think I'm quite a cold person.. I'm not, I just find it difficult to be any other way.. that's probably partly why my daughter is so messed up.

Not sure why I said all that.. but just know that you aren't alone and you can share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with here

Sazbo

Hugs Ethel hunnie. Sazbomberxxxxx

learning_to_drive

there are drop in centres for the samaritans, its not something i was aware of but you can go into them, Im sure there will be one near you.

https://www.samaritans.co.uk

Barcode

Hi Ethel,

In a strange way, it's reassuring to hear your post (not that I wish any of it had happened, please don't misinterpret me).

I think citalopram is the same thing. Prior to this, I had zispin which turns you into an extra from Return of the Living Dead, xanax which did the same, prozac which bizarrely did nothing, and others I forget. It really does seem to be a case of trial and error.

I don't know why people live in denial. It's very unusual for a child to invent a story like that, and I think in the vast majority of cases, their words should be taken at face-value. What makes it difficult is that it usually tends to be somebody you know. Our next door neighbour was well-liked on our street, and he was good friends with my step-mom, hence our going round there whilst our parents were working, or on holiday.

Something that I find difficult to accept is that, sometimes, I don't remember it as being traumatic. I remember it as expressing affection, he used to say things like, "when you're sixteen, we'll be able to be open" and "you're making me do this by wearing those clothes" (seriously). When I reported him, everybody was incredulous thinking that I wanted attention or to get something out of it. He even called up my Dad (we had moved to the I.o.W by then) to deny it.

What is difficult about my father is that when he was not drinking, he was the nicest man in the world, and I do have some good memories. But then, I remember him holding a gun to his head and saying if any of us left the room, he'd kill himself, I remember him beating up my step-mother who went to hospital a few times, I remember having my head smashed against the wall leaving me with fractures, I remember him pointing the guns at us on more than one occasion, and I remember him chasing my step-mother with a knife, and holding it to her throat saying if we misbehaved he'd kill her. These sorts of things were commonplace whilst growing up, and I don't think I can pretend they have not affected me.

Sometimes, I think having fewer memories may be a positive thing.

I talk to my father occasionally, but it's brief and perfunctory, I think he must know why I can't stand to have in my life, but he won't admit that he did anything wrong. Sometimes, it's not so much what went on, but the complete lack of responsibility that astounds me.

My mother is the same, all of her children (with the exception of me who was raised by my grandfather, the man I call 'Dad' mentioned above) have been adopted. She blames me, because one night, when she threw herself down the stairs whilst several months pregnant, I called the police, and it all went from there. At the time, I didn't forsee the consequences, but I'm still glad I did, better for my siblings and I to be seperated than to put up with her psychotic behaviour. Another tactic she employed was calling me up and saying she had taken a bottle of pills, or she'd get drunk and start smashing everything up, the t.v, windows, you name it. This all went on throughout high school.

It's difficult, as my mother and grandfather have calmed down nowadays. I don't know if they realize the extent of their actions, if they care, if they think it was fine since there is no acknowledgement. It's really difficult for me to fathom.

Another thing she did recently, my 19 year old brother wrote her a letter to explain he had cancer and she should get tested as it was a genetic mutation from her. To my brother, she's still his mother as he was adopted at 11. Well, she went to the trouble of writing back saying SHE DID NOT WANT TO KNOW. That really hurt my brother, as I think he still thought they might reconcile on some level (despite everything), and he started acting out. My anger at the situation seems to grow on a daily basis ...

O.k, I'm going on now ....

learning_to_drive

Not at all barcode, the good thing is that once you start talking about it, loads of people have really suffered with it all. Its amazing really how many people are under medication for it !

CarolnMalky

Welcome to the thread Barcode, talking here deffo helps, I am the resident fairy...feel free to ask some fairy dust any time :kisses3:

geminilady

Tiff wrote:

Hi gem!:hello:
Don't ever lock yourself up hun - that's what gets us into this situation.:o You're a great support here gem and we all help each other.:T If anyone is going to understand our problems, it's the great team on here angel!;)
A problem is called a problem because it's a problem...... - I know what I mean!:rolleyes:
Hope you're feeling better gem.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Hi Tiff,You have a very good insite,i do lock myself up.I find it hard to talk about myself also i have never had much support in my life so tend to believe the only person to rely on is myself,it is a lonely way to live.I am glad i found this forum,the people on it come across as real people something i have not found before in this virtual world.I know they are real but on some message boards ect it does not come across,hope that makes sense.I have been reading your post from last weekend it is not often you post about your own problems you are always busy helping others and it is easy to forget that you have your own.It must be hard having health problems as well as head ones and i think you are a much stronger person than you think you are or you would not be such a support on here.Have you heard anymore about the convalescence in Harrogate ?I hope you are able to go a break will do you good.How did your trip to Asda go?your fainting spell must have shook you up a little but hopefully it was a one off and you must try not to let it put you off going out.Unless you fainted because of a health problem it proberly will never happen again.I have only fainted once in my life when i was pregnant and that was due to a sudden drop in blood pressure quite normal in pregnancy.Now thats a thought lol.You had a night on the tiles you havn't told us about?:D

stenny_2

Hello you lovely PPL.

Still not had time to post, so just on to give BIG huggzzzz.
Hope the weekend is going good for ya all.
I have just this minute stopped cleaning, so ready for the intruders tomorrow.

xxx
:A

rose07

lol, tis quiet here

huggles time




xxx