Depression

queensway_boy

I thinks there needs to be some friday HUggy's

Sazbo

queensway_boy wrote:

I thinks there needs to be some friday HUggy's

Yay! :j :j :j :j :j

learning_to_drive

Where are all my debts going?:j :rotfl:

Just paid off my laptop, and paid off the small C card too, so thats two positives there (£-500 though!!). Ive passed the HBOS contact centre phone interview and have been invited to a assesment centre on the 26th feb, I must say this isnt my first choice of job, but If im keen to get normality back, and pay off this loan then I must take a higher paid job, HBOS offers that!

Carcraft have sent me the cheque for £500 (system error apparently) so I have to bank that a.s.a.p so it will be in my account, at the start of play (payday) I had £2k clear in my account, I dont have an overdraft anymore so its money that is physically mine. Once I have paid off the other large Mint C Card debt then I will work out a budget and go from there.

Its much easier to budget, Ive managed to reduce my outgoings properly now mobile, broadband etc etc etc. all I need is a proper job with a salary (asda fluctuates depending on overtime et al)

With regards to depression, I think it was Conditional, or something to do with outside factors such as job etc etc etc. I look back on my times at Dewsbury and feel regret that I didnt make the best of an excellent opportunity, I dont regret anything, but I look back and I could have really made a name for myself. It wasn't to be, this has happened for a reason, this sounds daft, but I said to a lass Im kinda seeing had I been with her, I would have stuck at it because of the support that she would have given me. Put simply, I couldn't afford the car and had a poor attitude to money, then I got caught in the vicous circle that is debts, jobs, depression.

Another thing that it has made me realise is the outstanding friends I've got, I always have had a close network of friends and being a bit of a leader with them, but their support when I was going through rough times never wavered, ditto with my ex work mates, who were there for me too!

This sounds strange, but hey ho, I always said to myself, If I was going to go back into retail, and I was single / or as soon as I was single, I would go work for Morrisons because I would be able to crack the hours in and really make a good name for myself and reach the heights that I had done before, I was talking to the Groc manager of my local store in Walkabout on Sat night, he gave me his number and told me to ring up or come in for a job, because of my experience etc.

With regards to the ex, I think a lot of people reading must have not understood why I didnt just end it there and then, I should have done, but at the time I was waaaaaay too depressed to do anything, I couldnt bear the thought without her, but now, Im fine. Completely fine, and if anything annoyed at the way she treat me when I effectively lost it all. She couldnt understand why I got so worked up about it all when it was only tins of beans and stuff. It was my life for 2 years.

We all reflect, nightshifts are an excellent time to reflect certainly for me, I've applied for that many jobs because (between you, me and bill gates) I really hate working nights, I thought it was something I was willing to do, but its putting my life really on hold, working days I can do with working 10-12 hour days, but nights, no way, it fooks me up. As many of my colleagues say to me, you can either do it, or you cant.

I feel a bit embarassed sometimes, because I let myself get into such a state, but at the same time, I had no idea what the problems were, everything changed in September (apart from family and where I lived) so it was hard to find the source of the problem when everything had changed. Work was the first one to change, but that wasnt it, then it was g/f etc etc, I really miss Sainsbury's If i'm being absolutely honest, I really miss it still, and I was thinking last night, its not depression or anything, its like I miss the systems and the fact that I was doing really well and stuff, I knew it inside out, so had gained an advantage on everyone because I read all the company memos and reports and communciations and briefs so therefore knew it all. I cant seem to get motivated for ASDA, its a very different management style and as a result its not something that I can see myself doing, Im more of a people person, and I can see why people spend all their career at one retailer, because they get used to it, Im a "Sainsburys" man, its pretty obvious in the way I think and stuff, I dont know, ramblings!

Depression is a scary thing, the worst thing is no one knows about it, or understands it apart from those who have been there, and I've been to the depths of despair, now I just want to get my life back on track. A problem with me is that I really do focus so so hard on things, and drive myself to do better, mainly because we are only here once, if anything that can only increase the pressure on me. So when the JS thing came crashing down, I had no plan B, the support (unwavering) from senior management up toRegional and Zonal level disappeared.

I guess my return to Sainsbury's would be something in my nature, I've always sought to prove folk wrong, I was told I would be no good at CTS, people were waiting for me to fail, when I started to succeed, they got at me for other things (arrogance, not going to tills etc) then when I got my management promotion, most were happy, others again were sniping, claiming I was up the !!!! of management hence why I got it, because I only had to pass one module of my assesment because I was leaving, people then claimed I was given it because I handed my notice in. A lot of bitter people.

I like to prove people wrong, in the face of adversity and all that, this was never intended to be another JS wannabe rant, just its been in my thoughts a lot recently, I feel like Im getting back to my normal self after the issues, I will never do credit again unless its necessary (mortgage) Ive cancelled all overdrafts and once Ive paid back my credit card, im cancelling that too.

Situational depression, caused by change / different circumstances, it all added together and made my life living hell for 4 months. Ive sorted it out now, made some tough decisions and turned it around in the early days of 2007, looking back once again on jobs, FD were good, its something that maybe I would have been good at, but I was in no fit state to be there, similarly with I.R. but I was treated disgracefully.

I was advised to write a letter complaining, wish I had, I would hate anyone else to go through what I had to go through, threats of sacking etc. Pushed me to tears. It was a disaster and then I had further issues, I do wonder how I coped with the constant chatter in my head, worries about nothing etc.

I dont know what this has achieved, at all, not a rant, just some thoughts, more to come no doubt. Im a capable guy, I dont want to waste my time in life, I want to work hard and have a good life for me and my family (one day). That is all I want.

Miroslav

A quick hello to all :wave:

Hope everyone is doing okay with everything.

Feling very low right now, 'S' has returned the freeview box we leant her to flatmate's voluntary workplace (just left it there with a note - I think she gets the message flatmate doesn't want to be friends right now) and that has just added to my depression - it's almost like every time she does something it makes me feel worse. Stupid girl, could have had someone to look after her, but as per usual she messes things up. She'll never find anyone to stick with because she is incapable. I feel so unloveable, what with not being able to hang on to someone who wanted to be with me - yes I know it was her, but i'm not exactly a good catch anyway.

I've finished with the charity shop already. I couldn't handle it to be honest, so soon after what has happened, and I was constantly on 'S' watch/alert. Plus they relied on me too much to run the shop on my own so soon after joining. I wanted to work with people, not do it for them.

Forgive my rant, i'm very low at the moment and don't see any future. My mouth doesn't hurt now, but still has problems. My last dentist messed it up so much, it needs more work than I can afford, and it's hardly going to attract anyone to me.

I feel ugly and useless, which is what I am.

Anyway, I hope you are all okay, I hope to come back here more often if/when more able to do so.

Thinking of you all.

Miro :wave:

Miroslav

rose07 wrote:

Miro, where have you gone hun? I hope you are ok and know your second family are here if and when you need them, I will let ya have a smartie lol , seriously hope you ok hun

Thanks for the mention Rose. Not spending too much time here at the moment as feel too low.

I could do with a smartie

Sorry to hear you are going through alot, good to see you posting here. Sorry about your 2 friends Losing 1 is tough, but 2 at the same time is just not fair

learning_to_drive

Miro,

Please dont be hard on urself fella,

I feel ugly and useless, which is what I am.

but i'm not exactly a good catch anyway.

Both statements are utterly false, I understand that your depression will make you think this is absolutely spot on, but let me assure you it isnt.

Please dont hold onto these feelings, dont let one girl out of 300,000,000,000,000 change your attitude to yourself!

learning_to_drive

Plus your statement seems to be contradicting, you say that she wont let anyone be with her who could look after her, then you sayd you couldnt get someone who wanted to be with you.

She didnt want to be with you, but that is her loss and her problem, not yours, you did everything you could, dont take her problems and issues as failings on your part.

Miroslav

learning_to_drive wrote:

Plus your statement seems to be contradicting, you say that she wont let anyone be with her who could look after her, then you sayd you couldnt get someone who wanted to be with you.

She didnt want to be with you, but that is her loss and her problem, not yours, you did everything you could, dont take her problems and issues as failings on your part.

She wanted to be with me, but still isn't, which kind of makes it worse. I can't even hang onto someone who wants to be with me, and it will never change.

I know it's mainly her, but in reality, it's a big failure on my part too.

I still miss her alot and I don't ever see things improving.

My thanks button isn't working

Miroslav

learning_to_drive wrote:

Miro,

Please dont be hard on urself fella,





Both statements are utterly false, I understand that your depression will make you think this is absolutely spot on, but let me assure you it isnt.

Please dont hold onto these feelings, dont let one girl out of 300,000,000,000,000 change your attitude to yourself!

Sadly they are both true.

I've always been down on myself, it's nothing new. One girl just managed to make me feel a little better for a short while.

Not sure how many women in the world.........but none for me sadly.

gillette147

Hi all,

Just got in from the last day of course. I am Terry Fied with how much to learn in less than 3 weeks. It bounces off my head and doesn't go in.

So
I have decided that I need to avoid this site since it is too tempting to read/post and not do work. I must make a sacrifice and get on. This is too important a part of my future to c0ck-up.

I love you all and my thoughts will be with you the whole time. But I won't read back (It would take forever by then). I will be back on 10th March when the exam is over.

My sister has been taken into hospital with gallstones (one as big as a gobstopper) so I am driving up to brum @7pm and back tomorrow night to see her and family and study begins on Monday. I will get to see my great-nephew (still no name - but Harrison is in the lead).

Again,
Take care you wonderful people (great to see Rose back btw) and I will be back after my ordeal is over.

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