Do dad's have any rights?

Zoetoes

I haven't read the whole thread but I'm assuming the drugs and sex goes on when the kids aren't there? Probably when they stay with their dad? If this is the case then it's not affecting the kids and their mum is a grown woman who can lead whatever lifestyle she pleases, it's her choice if she wants to snort coke and hump the world really. It doesn't mean she cares for her kids any less than a mother who doesn't do any of that.

It must be hard on your brother, it will get easier in time, the relationship with his kids is clearly important to him. I hope things go well for him in the end.

dirtysexymonkey

Zoetoes wrote: »

I haven't read the whole thread but I'm assuming the drugs and sex goes on when the kids aren't there? Probably when they stay with their dad? If this is the case then it's not affecting the kids and their mum is a grown woman who can lead whatever lifestyle she pleases, it's her choice if she wants to snort coke and hump the world really. It doesn't mean she cares for her kids any less than a mother who doesn't do any of that.

It must be hard on your brother, it will get easier in time, the relationship with his kids is clearly important to him. I hope things go well for him in the end.

yes it does. if either 'parent' thinks a druggie scummy lifestyle is compatible with children then they care more about their own selfish pathetic needs than the innocent children they will be harming. drugs are not something that can be compartmentalised - they will affect all your life. only a druggy would claim different.

make_me_wise

I must admit I agree that if any parent is taking drugs it will have an adverse effect on the children. Even if the kids aren't subjected to seeing the drug taking, they will experience the fallout from a parent with an addiction. Taking drugs effects your moods, personality and judgement. The kids will suffer because of it.

clearingout

There is a need to be very careful when making the jump from mum who lives with husband and two kids and is (presumably?) a decent mum, to mum who's making up for lost time, sleeping around, drinking and drug taking recreationally to drug addicted mother unable to care for her children.

We do not suggest that mum's who smoke or regularly drink a reasonable amount of alcohol and get tipsy/drunk are 'bad mothers'. Nor should we suggest that a woman who drops the occassional 'e' or smokes the odd spliff is 'bad', providing she isn't doing it in front of the children (I accept smoking and alcohol are legal, and drugs aren't so a line needs to be drawn but other than that, the damage done by all of these is well documented and very similar).

What we can watch for are signs that the smoking, drinking and drug taking are having a negative impact on how the mother cares for the children by listening to what the children say, by observing their behaviour and by looking for more overt signs like dirty clothes, being late to school, not having homework done etc.

I am not sure that the claim above, that any drug taking will have an adverse affect on the children, is therefore correct. If we say that, surely we can't smoke or use alcohol around children?

Zoetoes

clearingout wrote: »

There is a need to be very careful when making the jump from mum who lives with husband and two kids and is (presumably?) a decent mum, to mum who's making up for lost time, sleeping around, drinking and drug taking recreationally to drug addicted mother unable to care for her children.

We do not suggest that mum's who smoke or regularly drink a reasonable amount of alcohol and get tipsy/drunk are 'bad mothers'. Nor should we suggest that a woman who drops the occassional 'e' or smokes the odd spliff is 'bad', providing she isn't doing it in front of the children (I accept smoking and alcohol are legal, and drugs aren't so a line needs to be drawn but other than that, the damage done by all of these is well documented and very similar).

What we can watch for are signs that the smoking, drinking and drug taking are having a negative impact on how the mother cares for the children by listening to what the children say, by observing their behaviour and by looking for more overt signs like dirty clothes, being late to school, not having homework done etc.

I am not sure that the claim above, that any drug taking will have an adverse affect on the children, is therefore correct. If we say that, surely we can't smoke or use alcohol around children?

Exactly right.

Zoetoes

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

yes it does. if either 'parent' thinks a druggie scummy lifestyle is compatible with children then they care more about their own selfish pathetic needs than the innocent children they will be harming. drugs are not something that can be compartmentalised - they will affect all your life. only a druggy would claim different.

Let's say for example, the woman is doing a line of coke a month while the kids are at their dads, how is that harming innocent children?
How about she has a glass of wine while the kids are at their dads, is that harming innocent children?

make_me_wise wrote: »

I must admit I agree that if any parent is taking drugs it will have an adverse effect on the children. Even if the kids aren't subjected to seeing the drug taking, they will experience the fallout from a parent with an addiction. Taking drugs effects your moods, personality and judgement. The kids will suffer because of it.

There is a massive difference between recreational use and addiction, kids may well suffer if a parent is an addict, they are highly unlikely to suffer if a parent is is having a line of coke on a night out.

Zoetoes

clearingout wrote: »

There is a need to be very careful when making the jump from mum who lives with husband and two kids and is (presumably?) a decent mum, to mum who's making up for lost time, sleeping around, drinking and drug taking recreationally to drug addicted mother unable to care for her children.

We do not suggest that mum's who smoke or regularly drink a reasonable amount of alcohol and get tipsy/drunk are 'bad mothers'. Nor should we suggest that a woman who drops the occassional 'e' or smokes the odd spliff is 'bad', providing she isn't doing it in front of the children (I accept smoking and alcohol are legal, and drugs aren't so a line needs to be drawn but other than that, the damage done by all of these is well documented and very similar).

What we can watch for are signs that the smoking, drinking and drug taking are having a negative impact on how the mother cares for the children by listening to what the children say, by observing their behaviour and by looking for more overt signs like dirty clothes, being late to school, not having homework done etc.

I am not sure that the claim above, that any drug taking will have an adverse affect on the children, is therefore correct. If we say that, surely we can't smoke or use alcohol around children?

Alcohol is a bigger problem than drugs, it costs the NHS a hell of a lot more money than drugs do.

A pregnant woman seeking treatment for heroin addiction and alcohol dependency - which is the priority to treat? Alcohol.

That legal substance that nobody seems to bang on about because it's legal.

dirtysexymonkey

Zoetoes wrote: »

Let's say for example, the woman is doing a line of coke a month while the kids are at their dads, how is that harming innocent children?
How about she has a glass of wine while the kids are at their dads, is that harming innocent children?



There is a massive difference between recreational use and addiction, kids may well suffer if a parent is an addict, they are highly unlikely to suffer if a parent is is having a line of coke on a night out.

druggy addicts will say anything to convince themselves that they arent doing any harm by having the 'odd line of coke'.

peachyprice

Zoetoes wrote: »

I haven't read the whole thread but I'm assuming the drugs and sex goes on when the kids aren't there? Probably when they stay with their dad? If this is the case then it's not affecting the kids and their mum is a grown woman who can lead whatever lifestyle she pleases, it's her choice if she wants to snort coke and hump the world really. It doesn't mean she cares for her kids any less than a mother who doesn't do any of that.

How very naive.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Only thing I would say is that a perfectly normal teenager will have weird sleep patterns, mood swings, tearfullness, anger and all the behaviours that in a younger child would suggest they were suffering.

But at such an age, it is likely that a custody battle would be pointless, as it boils down to what the teenager wants, which could be done for free just by asking them. It's pretty hard to pick up a stroppy teenager and carry them back like a two year old if they don't want to go anywhere, after all.