Not inviting children to wedding. help!

ellay864

My PC is running so slow now I cant do searching but there are other threads on this. I'm with you on not inviting children - the only reason I have bent my rule is that my brother and partner had their first baby only in April and are travelling nearly 300 miles for the wedding. They can't ask my mum to babysit as she's also at the wedding.
I think it's totally fine to exclude children but do remember that you should also respect the decision if somebody chooses to decline your invite if they can't bring children. Even with notice there are many reasons why they may choose to stay at home with their children - especially if it would involve a very long day or overnight stay. Remember it is YOUR big day, but your guest will always have their child as their priority (and rightly so). I totally support any bride/couple wanting to exclude children but, as a mother who's been in the at position as a guest, it makes me angry when the couple then get upset if I decline. It is an invitation, not a royal command but the way some brides can be you wouldn't think so!

Kaye1

I have no problem with this- but I wouldn't attend your wedding. Not in a big, drama way, but for various reasons, I can't leave my little one with other people, so I just wouldn't be able to come. You have also to be prepared for people throwing a huff (idiots!) or people who genuinely won't be able to attend.

I think that as it is your special day, you should do whatever you want!

chunkychocky

We had lots of children at our Wedding and it was lovely. They all had a brilliant time and made this magical celebration of us joining together as a 'family' all the more special. We didn't have our own children at the time but I couldn't have imagined not having children at the wedding (even though to be honest I'm not really a big fan of other people's children). Children are full of laughter and their main aim is to have a good time so as long as everyone is quite chilled out they don't cause a fuss and ruin things.

I have also had to turn down a Wedding invitation because my 6 week old son who I was breastfeeding would not have been able to attend (we had nobody to leave him with even if the feeding hadn't been an issue), and when they realised that I genuinely couldn't leave him they made an exception, but I wouldn't have been offended if they hadn't and we couldn't go. After the Wedding they said that it was great having him there as it dawned on them that one of their main reasons for getting Married was to start a family and therefore banning families from their Wedding had been a bit short-sighted.

I'm only trying to put in another perspective, not trying to say that you should invite children. But you will need to make it clear that they specifically aren't invited.

kmmr

There have been a few threads on this, and I think the general advice is that you can decide what works best for you. My OH was very against kids (I was quite against it, although not as vehemently as my OH) so we made it clear to everyone that kids weren't invited.

Almost without exception most people have been really happy about it, and some have said what a great excuse it is to have a night out without the kids. My advice would be - don't lie in the reason. Don't say it's for cost or venue capacity etc, as it may be clear that this isn't the case. Or people may offer to pay for the kids then what can you do! Also some people may not come (not an issue for me, although a few have left husbands behind who I am not too close to anyway) and the odd person will just bring their kids. In my case there will be a few tiny (under 6 month) babies which I have been promised will 'quiet I am sure'.

I have decided not to worry about it. If people grumble, which they won't, I would just shrug my shoulders and say what could I do! I am not going to stress about it. A hard line may cause trouble, and I just didn't want 40 1 and 2 year olds. The odd one who appears resolves my issue, and if other people grumble then they can grumble, but I refuse to worry. You can't please everyone.

There was going to be an immediate family exception, but my SIL has decided she can't come with her three kids, so that issue has gone away. They were the only ones likely to say they wouldn't come if the kids weren't invited. But as it's my brother, I think the other guests would understand. She's not coming now only because it's too far from Australia - so I never had to get into the discussion.

In terms of how we approached it, I wrote a short personalised note to each person with kids. Saying 'While we would love xxx to come to the ceremony at the church, due to the sheer number of kids these days we have decided we would rather not have kids at the reception. We hope you understand, and there are babysitters available at the venue if you need. Please get in touch if you have any questions, and we may be able to link you up with other parents to share babysitters." Or something like that.. I don't have the exact words.

mrssmiff_2

chunkychocky wrote: »

We had lots of children at our Wedding and it was lovely. They all had a brilliant time and made this magical celebration of us joining together as a 'family' all the more special. We didn't have our own children at the time but I couldn't have imagined not having children at the wedding (even though to be honest I'm not really a big fan of other people's children). Children are full of laughter and their main aim is to have a good time so as long as everyone is quite chilled out they don't cause a fuss and ruin things.

I have to say, that the majority of weddings that I have attended have openly welcomed children - after all a wedding is a joining of 2 families as well as 2 individuals. I must agree with the above sentiments, as I feel that our wedding family's weddings would not have had the same atmosphere without the younger cousins, nieces & nephews and even grandchildren.

At our own wedding (and of our sibling/cousins of the same age) we found that certain older and younger guests left at set stages of the day/evening (ie after the ceremeony & photos for the very fraile & young, and after the meal & first dance etc stage before the serious partying began into the early hours).

I appreciate that everyone has their own reasons, but you have not stated why you do not want children to attend. I don't know how many children would be involved, but I presume that certain family guests would normally ask grandparents or aunty/uncle to babysit, which could restrict the childcare options. (As an example, my mum looked after our neice that night so that my brother and his wife could continue to join in the celebrations late into the night.)

All parents have some idea of how their child will react in most situations, and will usually have a plan B (ie what to do in times of a tantrum) to take the child outside rather than have your ceremony interrupted.
If you are worried about children spoiling the ceremony, maybe some guests could attend the evening reception only, which maybe a more relaxed environment.

Whatever you choose to do, you will never please everyone - at one stage we had guests saying that they wouldn't attend because they wanted a chinese meal rather than the italian restaurant option! Wishing you all the very best.

purple.sarah

Say of course her kid is well behaved but they're not all like that so it wouldn't be fair if you played favourites.

Tell others by putting 'adults only event' on the invites so there's no room for confusion.

flirtythirty76

Think you have just got to be 100% clear in the invites that its no children allowed but obviously put nicely.
Also you have got to be prepared for people to not attend with you saying no children as there usual babysitters are probably at your wedding.
Good luck.

Beetle_lover

mrssmiff wrote: »

I
I appreciate that everyone has their own reasons, but you have not stated why you do not want children to attend. I don't know how many children would be involved, but I presume that certain family guests would normally ask grandparents or aunty/uncle to babysit, which could restrict the childcare options. (As an example, my mum looked after our neice that night so that my brother and his wife could continue to join in the celebrations late into the night.).

My reason is purely because I've been to too many ceremnys that have been interrupted by screaming babies, one of my friends got her wedding video back last week and you can't even hear her and OH makng their vows.

Me and OH don't have any babies in the family and to be honest it's not a bug family wedding just parents and brothers, we aren't really close to any of our other family snd we want the daytime to be quite intermate. So it's just friends, there isn't really any children either just babies.

Totally understand if people can't come because of it, i think most people will be fine, a few of their other halfs may not be coming to daytime anyway so hopefully it will work out.

Thanks for the great suggestions everyone, so have people successfully gone through with it without upsetting too many people? Lol

Minimoo24

as a mother i feel quite offended people dont want my Son, because he is part of me and i hate leaving him, especialy for the whole day and also because i work so i dont get that much time with him, but i would also look foward to tkaing him to somthing like that, but its up to you, its your wedding . xx

Beetle_lover

MandyMoo22 wrote: »

as a mother i feel quite offended people dont want my Son, because he is part of me and i hate leaving him, especialy for the whole day and also because i work so i dont get that much time with him, but i would also look foward to tkaing him to somthing like that, but its up to you, its your wedding . xx

I don't understand why people get offended though, do kids even really enjoy weddings??

I have a puppy that I have to get looked after but I don't expect people to invite her to weddings.

Surely if it was one of your good friends that doesn't have children you would understand?? I don't want people having to miss the ceremony because their bored child is kicking off.