He doesn't want to marry me anymore

CRANKY40

If he really wants to give up the game, he can make a start now. One night a week, have a "date night". It can be a different night each week, but you date like you were still living apart. Arrange to go out together, or stay in and one person cooks for the other but makes an effort. Doesn't have to be expensive, it's the quality time together that counts.

notatvstar

I must admit - I game.

I do it because it's the only time I have for myself. I don't go online though... The OH tweets a lot and he has his blog so it's fair do's. Also - I have this problem that I can't 'lie-in' - I have to be up at 6am every morning (including weekends!) - so I game or do housework until the OH gets up.

I work long hours in a stressful job, so gaming my way of unwinding... Because I'm physically knackered I prefer to have 'special cuddle' (or if you will, to 'get jiggy') in the mornings rather than late at night. The OH still pokes me in the ribs at midnight, but I can tell him to b*gger off as he knows the chances are that I'll go 'bouncy-bouncy' later on.

... everything is a compromise.

delain

I'm sure someone will already have said this but I'd be pointing out that there'd be more time for sex if he wasn't on his online game all night.

That aside, he doesn't sound like a bad bloke, I hope things work out for you both

getmore4less

Change the times you have sex,

does not have to be nights when the gaming wit the US is a big distraction

jenhug

download a virus or cut the plug off the comp!

Lotus_Elise

Faerie wrote: »

No, it's not warcraft it's Anarchy Online. He's been playing for 10 years, he says the majority of his online friends live in the US which is why he stays up late to do things with them. I'm happy for him to stay a member so long as he can have a normal life at the same time. I like playing on the computer too but I will only spend an hour or 2 max. He will even read the game forum on his iphone whilst in bed! He's not renewing his online subscription but that runs out in April next year, and even then he can still play most the site as a free member. I'm not convinced he'll be able to quit.

Gigglepig, I think you're right in saying he didn't want to upset me. He looks heartbroken when I get upset but I just wish he had the balls to say it months ago instead of letting me plan the wedding and buy my dress. I'm trying to sell the dress at the minute but he wants me to keep it for when we do get married. This is where he confuses me further. He said yesterday that he thinks we're still engaged as he wants to marry me 'eventually' he says he wants to sort our problems out and then get married. I told him that in my mind, him saying he doesn't want to marry me yet and talking about splitting up, and me giving the ring back means we're no longer engaged. I know he loves me, I love him but I'm so confused right now. I feel like the one person I thought I could rely on was lying the whole time.

In the past I have even tried to 'get started without him' lol but sometimes I just get ignored! He was in the middle of a big raid apparently on his game so couldn't just stop. Huh?! He will want me later but by that time I feel massively snubbed and would rather just go to sleep.

I've told him that I need to get on with my life, go out with friends, go shopping, go visit my family instead of waiting for him to wake up because he's spent all night on the computer. I know it's not all his fault though and I need to make him feel wanted too, I need to initiate sex more etc. I need to work on my confidence, loose weight for myself, force myself out of my comfort zone but at the minute I just feel so down and don't want to pretend that everything is ok.

This sounds like my situation, although I'm sorry to say I am on the verge of splitting up with my partner after 15 years together, partly due to his online gaming addiction. I know that my partner's gaming is used to escape from real life due to depression, but while he has been escaping, I have had to deal with everything for him and I am so tired of it. I deserve a life as well! I have also been told by OH he can't do something or go somewhere due to having to be online for a raid!

We also went through the wedding avoidance, where he would refuse to discuss getting married or made excuses. When I had my heart set on getting married abroad, he then had the perfect excuse of his Mum being scared to fly, and he didn't want to get married without her, then he said that we couldn't afford it. I finally got him to look at a couple of venues after a year of being engaged. Unfortunately his other problems have culminated in me now not wanting to get married and seriously thinking about splitting up.

Your last paragraph I quoted is the one that really hits home to me. If he really cared, then he should make the effort to go to bed earlier at least a couple of times a week and get up and spend time with you. That hasn't happened in my situation and after a few days of my partner saying he will spend more time with me, he is back on the game... if your partner doesn't address his issues, then sadly you may be where I am now, contemplating a future without him because the game ruled his life...

Pee

Do you think you are in love with him or you just love him as a friend, too? If you don't want to have sex with him then maybe it has settled into a friendship. How about some regular date nights, weekly or fotnightly, to try and get the spark back.

Gavin83

I do happen to think he's done the right thing delaying the marriage, after all you don't want to be making such a big commitment if your relationship is anything but perfect as the problems will remain afterwards!

I don't think the answer is to ban him playing games but it is clearly an issue, he needs to consider his work/life/gaming balance. I play games and it doesn't affect my relationship and I'm sure many men could say the same. I'd suggest maybe having a few nights a week for time apart where you can do what you want, so he could play his games and you could do whatever you want. On the other nights of the week you spend it together.