He doesn't want to marry me anymore

elvis86

Faerie wrote: »

In the past I have even tried to 'get started without him' lol but sometimes I just get ignored! He was in the middle of a big raid apparently on his game so couldn't just stop. Huh?! He will want me later but by that time I feel massively snubbed and would rather just go to sleep.

I'm not suprised! I would've been bl00dy LIVID!:mad::mad::mad:

Lotus-eater

Faerie wrote: »

In the past I have even tried to 'get started without him' lol but sometimes I just get ignored! He was in the middle of a big raid apparently on his game so couldn't just stop. Huh?! He will want me later but by that time I feel massively snubbed and would rather just go to sleep.

:eek: No wonder you're not feeling too good about yourself.

You should be saying to him that you're not getting enough sex!

Tish_P

Hang on - he can't ask you to initiate sex more AND turn you down because he is busy with his computer game! And it's hardly surprising your confidence is low after that kind of treatment!

Eton_Rifle

There's almost zero chance of him stopping the game playing in six months time.
He might be telling himself that and giving you a date when everything in the garden will be rosy but we all know that he's really buying himself more time.

the_cat

Faerie wrote: »

He’s stopped his game subsription so he’s only got 6 more months to play ? I don’t know how to get over my own mood to give the relationship a chance.

Why should you be 'getting over your own mood' when he is not prepared change his behaviour?

If both of you are committed to change, why on earth does he need to continue playing the game. Regardless of how long his subscription is left to run he needs to show his priorities NOW.

He needs to meet you halfway at least to show his commitment. Set an agreed time of night for the pc to go off. It is no wonder that playing second fiddle to a virtual world has left you less than enthusiastic!

elvis86

Essentially this is something you need to talk about. Trying to lure him away from the computer by giving him a flash of your p***y isn't going to solve this, and by the sounds of it is only making you feel worse.

He needs to decide what he values more. You, or the computer game.

If he picks you, then the computer needs to move out of the bedroom (I'd be tempted to say out of the house!) and some rules should be imposed such as a time that you will both go to bed (without his phone, if that's an issue).

j.e.j.

It sounds like it's the online games that are the issue here. Gaming for hours at a time is kind of do-able (even if not exactly recommended) if you're young free and single. (Think teenaged dweeb on the computer for hours in his bedroom )

A man who's on the bloomin' thing for hours until dawn is not 'husband material'. He needs to give it up if he's that hooked on it. To complain to you that he's not getting enough sex but at the same time not to come to bed till 3 or 4 am because he 'has' to meet and play games with his online friends seems a bit unreasonable!

Welshwoofs

Perhaps he doesn't want to get married full stop and has been avoiding the whole issue by falling back on something he's been doing for 10 years?

There seems to be a lot of focus on the whole marriage thing and ultimately, marriage is irrelevant. You can be with someone for life without a piece of paper and a white dress.

Personally I'd suggest having a talk and saying "Look, let's just forget the whole marriage thing - it's not important - and focus on fixing the issues which are wrong with the relationship."

Tish_P

But what if marriage is important to the OP? She can't be expected to put her wishes on hold permanently. I think she's handling this with a lot of grace and level-headedness by bringing it all into the open and trying to work towards a solution. I only hope the chap in question realises what side his bread's buttered before it's too late!

Welshwoofs

Tish_P wrote: »

But what if marriage is important to the OP? She can't be expected to put her wishes on hold permanently. I think she's handling this with a lot of grace and level-headedness by bringing it all into the open and trying to work towards a solution. I only hope the chap in question realises what side his bread's buttered before it's too late!

Well the OP would need to ask herself what it is she wants - is a marriage more important than a relationship? If so and if she's with someone who simply doesn't place importance in marriage, then it's a case of compromising or moving on. I would question how solid a relationship is however if anyone could ever consider ending it because they can't get married (unless, of course, it's important for religious reasons).

I do think that marriage can place a lot of un-necessary strain on relationships. In general, men simply aren't interested in all the clobber about dresses, bridesmaids, what colour invitations will be, where receptions are held, what cake you have etc etc etc however women often are. There's therefore a danger that the actual act of getting married becomes almost bigger than the reason for doing it - it becomes about the spectacle and women indulge in months (even years!) of build up to the 'big day'. It's probably one of the reasons divorce rates are so bloody high because nothing is ever going to live up to the expectations some people place on a wedding and once the grand spectacle is over with all you're left with is the reality that, in fact, your relationship hasn't changed at all and now you have a whacking great debt too.

From what the op is saying, the question of marriage crops up again and again...when they are going to get married, whether they're still going to get married, how much interest he has in the actual act of getting married. If there is other problems in the relationship (and clearly sex and online games ARE other problems), then adding an over-priced ceremony into the mix is only going to add to the strain.