DreamerHelen's New Diary - "Ad Astra per Aspera"

DreamerHelen

Thanks Beccie....good to have you here again

Well right now I'm feeling a little defeated before I've even started....I have to make £273 before the Cut-Off on Sunday night and I'm not entirely sure I can do it...

I mean, I know I CAN do it...but it just feels very very impossible right now...

Tonight I'm aiming for £123 which still feels like a lot...but I'll get there...I just have to...no choice!!

Anyway....I'd better get on with it....Catch you all later xxx

DreamerHelen

Okay....so it's now 7.55pm and I'll most likely be Working until 5pm tomorrow

But it's my fault....I ended up sleeping last night...and now I'm still exhausted but no nearer to my Target...

I've got to earn £144 before the end of the Pay Period which is tomorrow night at Midnight....

I'm freaking out slightly....But I have a plan which means most likely working until 5pm tomorrow Evening...but if that's what I have to do...then that's that...

Apart from that....Still haven't started saving for my MASSIVE Day Out in November (somewhere slightly risque so I won't mention the name of the Exhibition)....but I'm still determined to take at least a little bit of money there with me so I can treat myself to a couple of things...

I'm off out to a Burlesque Evening this coming Friday evening....Am going with my Ex....difficult cause I still want him but also want to be Friends with him...and we DO get on really well....so it should be fun...and we're going for a Meal first...so I'm just going to focus on that for the next few days...

No savings....but still a couple of things to look forward to...

So that's me....I'll try to catch up with you tomorrow at some point....

DreamerHelen

Okay so some major Budget Tweaking later and I only have £20 more to earn today....

I don't usually Work on a Sunday as it's supposed to be my Day Off but today I HAVE to Work which is my fault for sleeping most of the Week away...

I know I've said this before but this coming week (the Pay Period starts at midnight tonight) I'm darn well going to earn what I set out to earn....Thats a promise that I am going to make to myself...

I think it's about starting the Week out properly...and that's what I'm going to do....Start with a bang tonight and I'll get there!!

Sooooo, £20 still to earn which should take about 3-4 hours....and then I'll relax.....get some sleep and start all over again tonight at Midnight....

I also want some Bacon Sarnies this Afternoon so I'm looking forward to those

Catch you all later....Love and Hugs, Helen xxx

DreamerHelen

So today I feel exhausted....

I'm off to the Course tonight and when I get home I have to Work....ALL NIGHT.... But hey, I just have to remember that this Work is getting me exactly where I need to be!!

I'm not sure I'm going to be able to save much up for the Exhibition in November....I haven't got ANY money as of yet....Part of me wonders if I shouldn't just sell the Tickets and be done with it and simply go next Year but I really really really really want to go THIS year!! I guess we'll see what happens over the next few Weeks...

I can't believe it's nearly November already!!

I have had to borrow money from my Ex again And I'm soooooooooo mad at myself....after the last time I promised myself that I wouldn't borrow anymore money from him....

But all I can do is remember one thing - Onwards and Upwards!!

I can only start as I mean to go on....

Love and Hugs, Helen xxx

robsmum_2

Hi Helen, thanks for posting on my thread. Have found and just read your diary. Will subscribe and we can jolly each other along.
You are working so hard and doing well to fund your course.
Don't be so hard on yourself - difficult lesson to learn but I eventually almost learnt it and have felt better for it.
Baby steps all the way and when they're too much babycrawls!

DreamerHelen

Aww thanks Robsmum....it's nice to see you in here....and you're right, baby steps...or, as I prefer to say "softly softly, catchy monkey"

It's very very hard to fund the Course but I just have to finally learn my lesson when it comes to my Work....No one else is going to push me except ME...And I have to just learn that lesson, no one else can teach it to me...just me...If that makes sense...

I went to the Course tonight as well as Therapy (which is a requirement of the Course)....and it all went really really well....

But I have felt really really nauseous all day long...and it's not much fun travelling on the Tube when I feel sick...All I can do is listen to my MP3 Player and try and think of something else until the Journey is over...It normally takes about an hour to get to College....So obviously that's an hour there and an hour back....Feels like a long hard slog sometimes!! But I know it will be worth it...

This really IS the long haul for me...

But next Year I want to treat myself to a short 1 Week Holiday away in Florida....I used to work at SeaWorld in Orlando and it's a place that is never far from my heart...so I want to go back and see old places and rekindle my lust for Life and Travelling again...

It will mean saving £50 per week from January until August next Year....which is quite a lot extra to earn...but I hope I can get there....I don't mind working that little extra if it means I get a Week in Orlando...

So that's me right now....

I'm sat here and it's just after Midnight...Need to do some Budget re-jigging...again....:p

And then I'm off to bed!!

Catch you all tomorrow...Love and Hugs, Helen xxx

robsmum_2

Hi Helen,
£50 a week is a lot to save but it sounds like your very determined, so good luck.

Working in Sealife at Orlando - wow that would be one of my neices dreams. She has just finished her Masters on animal behaviour and did her degree on Marine biology and zoology.

Hope you had a good sleep and can work well tonight.

Kepp

Hi Helen,

Have finally properly caught up with your diary!

There's a few things that stand out, hope you don't mind me saying?

It really seems that you need to change your job. I picked up somewhere that to make what you need you need to work 75 hours a week? That's a lot! I work 60 to 100 hour weeks so I know how hard it is and I don't have to study on top of that! The fact that it seems so hard to motivate yourself to do it suggests that maybe it's not ideal. I think you would feel better in yourself if you didn't have to work overnight therefore putting your sleep pattern out and it's also not a sociable job. Working long hours always seems better when you can have a laugh with the other people that you work with.

Health is important. It's good that they are testing you for coeliac's etc. I've been tested for all that too and in the end it turns out I have IBS (have for about 12 years now) and it goes through 'attack' phases which do feel worse. Eating well, sleeping well and keeping stress levels down are all things that will help if it's something stomach related that you have wrong. Losing weight is crucial. I had become about 2 stone overweight and really began to suffer a lot - constant pains, bad stomach, being sick and terrible skin. Always tired as well. Since Feb I've lost that again and it is hard work but I feel so much better again. I still live on anti-nausea pills and do still actually vomit (sorry, gross!) maybe 3 times a week but it's still a massive improvement. What I'm trying to say is that hard as it is getting a handle of your weight is more than worth it. Saves a fortune on takeaways too!

Getting organised is key too - stop worrying about saving for trips next year and make sure you're good to go on rent etc. Then just save for the thing that's closest ie the exhibition (by the way, I've been too and it's so much fun!). Once that's done, aim for the next one. You'll feel so much better as you achieve each goal.

Keep dreaming! I'm also in love with travelling (one of the reasons for my debt ) and I truly believe that there is nothing better in the world than to get out there and see it. My thing is going abroad and doing volunteer work with animals and I can honestly say that is the happiest I am in my life. Which is great motivation to keep aiming for!

I'm sorry if the above sounds harsh it's not how it's meant. Cause the other thing that really comes across from your diary is that if anyone can do this then you can. I think you are much much stronger than you realise and that you can and will get to where it is that you want to be xxx

DreamerHelen

Thank you Beccie....Thank you for Posting and for Posting such well thought out comments...

I HAVE thought about changing Jobs but this is the only thing that I can do from home....As I'm not well enough to go out to Work right now....and it IS stressful but it WILL change as my Course progresses...

The way I want it to Work is that as I carry on with the Course I will be more qualified to see Counselling Clients (who will obviously pay) and then I can do less of the Work from home....so the scales will weigh more heavily on the Counselling Clients and less on the Work from home....if that makes sense....It will just take some time....

I still haven't been diagnosed with whatever this Illness is....They are testing me for all sorts of things....And I have a Doctor's Appointment in a Couple of Weeks which will hopefully give me some news.....

It could be IBS as well....Right now I take Buscopan for the Gut Problems and it seems to help a little....but not too much....

The only thing I'm saving for this Year is the Trip to the Exhibition at Olympia....and that's all. Next Year if I break it down week by week (since I get paid weekly) then I only have to earn a small amount which will mount up across the Year...if that makes sense....I just have to have some self-discipline and that's what I struggle with!!

I DO love to Travel but I've put that on hold for at least another Year....I had hoped to go to Orlando next Year for a Week but I don't think I'll be able to....not until I've got my Work sorted out and I need to make sure that I'm self-disciplined to earn what I NEED to earn every Week...

Yesterday was really really great....I worked lots and earned more yesterday than I did last Week in the whole Week!! So I'm really really pleased...Feels like I've finally got it into my thick head...LoL

Thank you for your Comments Beccie...I try to remember that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for....but sometimes I really really struggle....but I'll get there...

Today I'm at College ALL Day and I'll be back home around 11.30pm tonight....But I enjoy being back at College because it means that I feel like I'm working towards something....and it's something that I've wanted since I was 16...so it's really really important to me!!

Anyway....I'd better go jump in the Shower...I'll catch you all later on...

Love and Hugs, Helen xxx

robsmum_2

Thought I'd pop in and see how you are doing. Glad you seem a bit more upbeat.
I like your plans for the future - increase your counselling work which will of course increase your earning capacity.
Hope you had a good day atcollege.