sob. MIL being really insensitive UPDATED

globetraveller

kacy1988 wrote: »

bit of back story.. MIL's partner isn't OH's dad. he has a daughter thats the same age as OH who is getting married at the weekend.
MIL & her partner want to get married but are waiting as he didnt want to get married this year and step on his daughters toes.

!!!

but they are both happy to step on her son's toes.

MrsDrink

What is your OHs relationship like with his mum? The reason I ask is because this would have some say in how I would handle the whole honeymoon thing. There is no law that states you must jet off as soon as your wedding is over. I would exercise some caution over being stubborn by going on honeymoon and not going to their wedding just because they have arranged theirs so close to yours. (Although I admit that would have driven me mad). At the end of the day she is going to be family for the rest of your lives. If your other half can handle the fall out fine. But if not, then I would agree with those that have suggested going away for a few days (if you must go away as soon as your wedding is over) and have a week somewhere after their wedding, or just wait till after their wedding. I would also warn against making him choose especially if they are close (although I suspect they aren't). I wouldn't want to be the cause of any resentment.

poet123

To be fair, it is not the OP who is making him choose, it is his mother. Most couples go away on honeymoon straight after the wedding, she should have factored this into her decision when she chose her date. Maybe it is intentional, maybe she wants to cause an issue?

I have four sons and to make these kind of arrangements is simply asking for confrontation.....

MrsDrink

I'm not saying his mother is right to chose a date so close to theirs - far from it. I would be livid! (My big brother is getting married 3 weeks after us, but he had the decency to ask me whether I would mind and whether it was okay). But I just think the OP and her groom to be need to think about the consequences of not attending the wedding. If he isn't close to her then that is fine - go on honeymoon (my first reaction when I read the OP was actually to run away and elope!), but if they are close (as I said I doubt it - if they were I'd assume his mother wouldn't have booked a date so close to theirs) then I would bear in mind the potential fall out.

poet123

If I was her son I would have gone round and said I had already booked a surprise honeymoon for my bride which meant they wouldn't be able to attend the wedding and watch her reaction.

Most mothers would have thought about that upfront, but if it was a genuine oversight she would then change her plans.

kacy1988

when they told us their date it was followed quickly by "we knew you wouldnt want a honeymoon and couldnt afford one anyway" so they did take it into consideration before booking and just decided for us that we werent going on one I'm just annoyed with myself that i was too shocked to say anything then!

I doubt we'll actually skip their wedding as it'll be whinged about at every opertunity for the rest of our lives!
I'm just going to keep my mouth shut for the time being - make sure my wedding is better / more personal than theirs - and look gorgeous at her wedding

as long as OH says "i do" then in reality i dont care about the rest!!!

MrsDrink

kacy1988 wrote: »

as long as OH says "i do" then in reality i dont care about the rest!!!

absolutely

purple.sarah

I'm glad things have worked out better and you get your venue to yourself! Your wedding will be beautiful and unique anyway. Your MIL must know planning her wedding for a week after yours was treading on your toes, it's not up to her whether you have a honeymoon! She sounds very controlling so that's something to watch out for! But it's good your OH is standing up to her and you have a positive attitude so I think dealing with this together could make you stronger.

We will probably stay in a nice local hotel for the weekend after our wedding and go for the proper honeymoon a few weeks later, because accommodation in Venice is much cheaper in December than our wedding month of November. You do not have to arrange your honeymoon around your MIL's wedding at all but if you do decide to attend you could do this and postpone your honeymoon a couple of weeks rather than cut it short. You guys need all the time away from her you can get!

johannalf88

I have to say I think you are handling this really well! You are being so mature about the whole thing, and tbh I am not sure i would be able to act the same. I would be soo annoyed (and at being told that I wasn't having a honeymoon!!!) that I would go away, and that in some ways would be cutting of my nose to spite my face! Your H2B is very lucky!

poet123

purple.sarah wrote: »

I'm glad things have worked out better and you get your venue to yourself! Your wedding will be beautiful and unique anyway. Your MIL must know planning her wedding for a week after yours was treading on your toes, it's not up to her whether you have a honeymoon! She sounds very controlling so that's something to watch out for! But it's good your OH is standing up to her and you have a positive attitude so I think dealing with this together could make you stronger.

We will probably stay in a nice local hotel for the weekend after our wedding and go for the proper honeymoon a few weeks later, because accommodation in Venice is much cheaper in December than our wedding month of November. You do not have to arrange your honeymoon around your MIL's wedding at all but if you do decide to attend you could do this and postpone your honeymoon a couple of weeks rather than cut it short. You guys need all the time away from her you can get!

We have just come back form our seventh trip to Venice so if you need any info I would be happy to help. It is my favourite place in the world.