sob. MIL being really insensitive UPDATED

coolcait

kacy1988 wrote: »

she's sending out her proper invitations in january to make sure her guests can get the day off. which i think is way too early. she knows we're not sending ours out til april/may. so if OH's family have to chose between which friday to book off no doubt they'll chose hers as they'll have the invitation in their hand so much earlier.

kacy1988 wrote: »

the main reason we chose the date we have is because several of my relatives work for the police and they cant all book the day as holiday. so i have found a day that they are all on a "rest day"

i've also ensured it's during school holidays so none of the children (a 1/3rd of our guests) have to have a day off school.

I have already sent save the dates out we'll just have to wait & see what happens i suppose. I'm kind of stuck between a rock & a hard place

So, if you stick with the date that you've chosen, your family will be able to come to your wedding - as you hoped.

But your husband's family will have to choose between your (his) wedding and his mother's wedding. If your hunch is correct, they'll choose to go to his mother's wedding, not his (yours).

He's the one who will lose out, in terms of not having his family around, not you.

If he's happy with that, why not get on with planning your wedding? That might include drawing up a 'reserve' list of his/your friends or your family who you could invite if you get a lot of regrets from his family

If he's not happy with that, then maybe he will be more than willing to spend some special honeymoon time with his loving and lovely new wife instead of going to his mother's wedding...

It's a situation which has the potential to backfire spectacularly on MIL-to-be rather than being a problem for you.

*Louise*

What is hubby-to-be- saying about all this?

He obviously isn't the type to stand up to his mum or this situation would never have gotten this far. I always find it's easier to nip things in the bud (ie. before date cards are sent out, venue booked decorations planned etc) surely he coud dhave spoken to her long before now???

I would be annoyed as well tbh, and I think she is being very selfish. I would tell her asap that you will be on honeymoon that week....I would be putting it along the lines of how disappointed you both are that she mustn't want you both at her wedding, or she wouldn't have booked it for when you arreon honeymoon....;)

*Louise*

Just had a horrible thought...if hers goes ahead and you need to hold off on your honeymoon......I hope she doesn't book the same place as you for hers!!:eek::rotfl:

mandi

I'm sorry that you have this awful situation . I would be angry too .

Give her a good biatch slap and tell her it's from me :whistle:

kacy1988

*Louise* wrote: »

What is hubby-to-be- saying about all this?

He obviously isn't the type to stand up to his mum or this situation would never have gotten this far. I always find it's easier to nip things in the bud (ie. before date cards are sent out, venue booked decorations planned etc) surely he coud dhave spoken to her long before now???

I would be annoyed as well tbh, and I think she is being very selfish. I would tell her asap that you will be on honeymoon that week....I would be putting it along the lines of how disappointed you both are that she mustn't want you both at her wedding, or she wouldn't have booked it for when you arreon honeymoon....;)

we havent had chance to nip it in the bud unfortunately. we booked our venues (registry office and holiday inn) and sent out save the dates a few weeks ago. MIL has announced her date a few days ago and instantly sent out save the dates for hers & booked everything the same day she chose then date - before i could get OH to go around and have words! the annoying thing is there are 2 holiday inns (so the same prices) in our town and the one we've booked is on the far side of town as OH worked at the other one and didnt want to have our reception there even though imo it's nicer

the one we arent using is closer to the registry office & the place MIL has chosen to have the eveing do. so it makes NO logistical sence at all to have it at the same place we are. IF we do go one of us will have to drive or else it's going to cost £25+ in taxis :mad: so it'll be the same for alot of her guests.

OH is going to have words with her but tbh i dont think it'll make much difference. I'm going to make an appointment to go in to the reception venue & let them know whats happened and tell them that under no circumstance are they to discuss my wedding plans with MIL. I'm also going to find out what decorations we are going to be allowed. i would quite like paper pompoms hanging from the celing. or twinkly lights behind a back drop.
I'm also looking into the cost of hiring dp's band. all of which will make my wedding better than hers :rotfl:

I've banned OH from telling her ANYTHING about our day. i have a feeling if she finds out about the fishbowls / tealights / decorations etc she'd ask me or the venue to borrow them. which OH has said she can take a run and jump! :T

I'm just going to take a deep breath and enjoy planning our day and avoid talking to MIL about wedding stuff.

mummyroysof3

sounds like you are feeling more positive about it now, good idea about not discussing weddings with her tbh, i think you will just need to come up with tactics to either avoid her or at least avoid the wedding talk lol

what matters really is that you and hubby to be are happy with your wedding and try not to care what she does for hers, good luck and let us know how things are going

joho

Could you not have a joint wedding and split all the costs?



















Yes I AM joking! Your MIL is being a selfish cow, but if all the family already have leave for the date of your wedding, and don't for hers, then there shouldn't be an issue - they'll be able to go to yours.

I do think you are very wise not to discuss ANY details with her. In fact, why not go the opposite way and find the most awful theme and colours, and say you wished you could have something but you couldn't afford it - see how quick she snaps up something awful, because she thinks she's getting one over on you!

Edit: just reread that it's your family that need the leave day rather than OHs. Assuming it's MILs 2nd, 3rd (4th?) wedding, you might find a lot of family think she's being over the top and won't want to be part of it. IYSWIM?

mummyroysof3

ooh joho i like that...feed her false info lol

elvis86

I'm playing devil's advocate here, but who announced their plans to marry in 2012 first, you or your MIL? If she announced this first, and had already delayed things by a year so as not to tread on her step-daughter's toes, she could reasonably be a little narked if you and OH then waded in and announced that you would marry in 2012 too..?

Saying that, it does sound like she's being ridiculous, booking the same venue etc. It always amazes me how some people (especially family, and especially parents) can make life so difficult for each other. I guess I'm just lucky as my parents would never be so inconsiderate and would always put my happiness before their own, 100% (not that I would necessarily want them to). Isn't that what being a parent is about?

*Louise*

kacy1988 wrote: »

I've banned OH from telling her ANYTHING about our day. i have a feeling if she finds out about the fishbowls / tealights / decorations etc she'd ask me or the venue to borrow them. which OH has said she can take a run and jump! :T

I'm just going to take a deep breath and enjoy planning our day and avoid talking to MIL about wedding stuff.

Good idea, it's a shame that you are at the point where you have to keep everything a secret though, part of the fun is talking about your plans

Needs must though.