sob. MIL being really insensitive UPDATED

kacy1988

ok. i'm sure i'm being really childish too but i'm really annoyed with MIL.

bit of back story.. MIL's partner isn't OH's dad. he has a daughter thats the same age as OH who is getting married at the weekend.
MIL & her partner want to get married but are waiting as he didnt want to get married this year and step on his daughters toes.

a couple of months ago me and OH announced our engagemant & wedding date (august next year). then a few days ago MIL announced her wedding date. 7 DAYS after ours! :mad:
as if thats not bad enough she's bought fridge magnet save the dates (as mine were such a good idea) and now.....
SHE'S BOOKED THE SAME RECEPTION VENUE!!!!! :mad: except she's inviting twice as many people and making a bigger day out of the whole thing

me and OH are skint and are doing our wedding on a real shoestring budget and MIL has come along and seems to be doing the same thing but bigger & better as she has more money to throw at it. I feel like my day is going to be completely over shadowed and that alot of OH's family arent going to be able to get 2 fridays off on the trot. I'm just worried our wedding is going to be a complete flop and MIL's will be almost identical but 100 x better

I know i'm being childish but she's being so insensitive especially considering they didnt get married this year so as not to step on juliettes toes. and because they're getting married so close to our date we cant go away for a week on honeymoon as we have to be back to attend their day! arggghhhh :mad:

sorry just needed to vent somewhere!!!



UPDATED:
:j MIL has postponed until 2013 after a chat with OH and realising she had upset us & only wanting to get married the last week of August. she's having her reception in a cricket club too (we're at the holiday inn) soooooo relieved!!!!

:T

Bloomin_Freezing2

That would seriously annoy me too (putting it mildly), book your honeymoon (if OH will), tell her she knew when your wedding was and you want to go away as soon as you are married, she should have expected you to be on your honeymoon on her chosen date, so apologies but you cannot attend her wedding. She clearly doesn't give a toss about your wedding to stuff hers!

nykied

I second that. Go on your honeymoon, she's bang out of order.

mummyroysof3

i would be saying "dont need to save the date cos you already know we wont be here' what does your other half think about it? i know you shouldnt have to change your plans but would it be worth changing the venue/date in order to releive some of this stress and upset you are feeling? x

kacy1988

i really really want to change date & venue but we will lose our deposit (£500) and get charged £50 by the registry office. we just cant aford to lose such a big chunk of our budget (3k)

I'm trying to convince OH to let me book a honeymoon and not go to his mum's wedding but he's not convinced. I told him last night that is she does one more thing just because we are then I'm not going to her wedding. whether he does or not. I know I'm being childish (to a certain extent) but who pees all over their sons wedding plans???

she's sending out her proper invitations in january to make sure her guests can get the day off. which i think is way too early. she knows we're not sending ours out til april/may. so if OH's family have to chose between which friday to book off no doubt they'll chose hers as they'll have the invitation in their hand so much earlier.

my mum & dad are absolutely seething but are in no position to helps us out financially so we can change dates / venues

grrrrr. so annoyed!!!

shellsuit

This is where your fiance needs to man up and ask his Mum what the hell she is playing at.

It sounds like it's going to be a competition and as time goes on, she will drive you mad. I'm be fuming if I were you x

mummyroysof3

would you loose the deposit if you was changing the date this early? the venue might just change the date without any fuss then you would only be down what it costs to change registry office

its really awful of her, would it help if you spoke to her about it or would it just make her worse?

tbh there is nothting to stop you sending save the date cards now then people will have plenty of notice that they need both days off

what would annoy me most is oh saying no to honeymoon cos that not fair you should miss out cos of her wedding is it?

codemonkey

Oh gosh, poor you. That is pretty insensitive of her, especially the week after yours!! What does your OH say about the situation?

ab7167

That's awful. I would be seriously peed off as well, and most certainly would be going away on a honeymoon! I don't think you are overreacting at all, to be honest. I know people say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but it can definitely be taken too far. I think your OH and his Mum need to be having a little chat.

Also, can you speak to the venue - you may find that they are sympathetic and let you change, it is very far in advance. Why are the registry office charging you? I thought notice of marriage was valid for a year at a specified venue?

Hollie84

Id be fuming,if u cant change the date then make everything more lavish,u can make a shoe string budget look like a big budget and that u have gone all out (u may already be doing so,so forgive me if i have spoke out of term) i to have a very small budget £3500 and we are going all out.speak to the venue as im sure u have a wedding co-ordinator? explain what has happened and how upset you are and they may transfer the date.As for your OH tell him to man up and have a word with his mother

kacy1988

the main reason we chose the date we have is because several of my relatives work for the police and they cant all book the day as holiday. so i have found a day that they are all on a "rest day"

i've also ensured it's during school holidays so none of the children (a 1/3rd of our guests) have to have a day off school. so if i move dates i have to find another "rest day" either on a saturday or during school holidays. it's not easy!

I wouldnt lose my £500 deposit as long as i keep the same venue and it wasnt postponed more than a year. we're getting married in the registry office and they charge £50 to change your date. i've also booked chair cover hire / photographers etc which would have to be reorganised. my photographer agreed to charge me 1/2 price (for various reasons) but i dont think that'll stand if we change date / venue!

I have already sent save the dates out we'll just have to wait & see what happens i suppose. I'm kind of stuck between a rock & a hard place