Debts Vs Savings, Please help!

*Louise*

OP there is a thread on this forum titled 'Lending money to friends and family' and there are NUMEROUS stories about people paying off their partners debts and are now on here asking for help and how to retrieve the money...most times it's a case of there's no proof it was loaned or it would have to go to small claims court.

By all means continue to help him research and lower his outgoings, but please don't pay it off for him.

neverdespairgirl

I think attitude to money is really importnat. You seem to have completely different ways of handling money - asking for trouble in a relationship!

mummyplus3

If you are not planning to move in together untill after christmas then perhaps it would be a good idea for you to sit down togethr go over his finaices and work out which are his priority debts and how much more he can afford to pay and work out a traget togethr of paying off such an amount by the New year and then re-evaluating where you are at. At this stage you are worrying about something you do not need too. You are not going to give him any money right now and not going to move in together untill next year so getting your heads together and working out a good plan of action re his finances in the immeadiate future would be my advice.

pigpen

i wouldnt give him a bean towards paying off his debts.. They are his and if someone else pays them for him what will he learn??????

I would help show him where he can make savings, and cut back and show him new ways to deal with his debt but there is no way I would foot the bill.

Pee

I think it's true that dealing with your debts, however they arose, on your own is the only way forward to stop it reoccuring. I have found this out. I have friends whose parents have always bailed them out or boyfriends and you just see it happening again.

I wouldn't let my boyfriend pay my debts. I have repaid them myself.

moneysaver2012_2

Hi everyone

thanks for all your comments, I've had a busy few days so I couldn't get on to comment on any of them.

With regard to his SOA, I have it (just not on me as I'm at work!) His salary is £1750 per month. His main outgoings are his CSA £365, loan, credit card and overdraft which total around £400 per month. He applied for the Barclaycard with 0% on BTs for 24 months but the credit limit is not high enough to transfer the balance, he is waiting to hear if they can raise it.

Its been a tough couple of months for him as his second car (the one he has been trying to sell) has just been for an MOT (£300 as it needed some work) but hopefully it will now sell and the money will clear his overdraft. Because of the new law that came in recently he has to insure this car even though its off the road on his parents drive, that is £39 per month and the insurance on his runaround is £40 ish. Petrol is £160 at least per month as he travels to different local offices to cover managers who are absent or on holidays, not one set office and of course he visits me, thankfully we only live 12 miles apart. I contribute to petrol when we go out or pay for other things to offset it though he never asks me to.

He is pretty good when it comes to spending, usually not spending anything at work as I will make packed lunches for us both when he is here and he makes them when he is at his parents house.

He gives his parents a set amount of money for staying there but I can't recall how much it is.

One night a week he cooks for me so he buys everything for that.

He does have a mobile and it is quite expensive £40 per month, this can be reduced to £12 when he has had it a year but thats not till Feb.

We have the odd day out but these are mostly Groupon deals (went windsurfing on Sat for £6 each and Jungle Parc £6 each) but we take turns buying those and take food with us rather than eating out. We have been too the cinema a couple of times but always on the half price days. He has his girls all day on Sunday so takes them to the park and sometimes the play barn or we take them out with my daughter.

Everything thats left goes to his credit card but I think the last few months have been tight for him.

I have decided that I'm not going to pay anything off for him, he would probably be horrified if I even suggested it anyway.

Hopefully by next year the debt will be down much more than it is now if he can stay at his parents but they have said they want him to move out by the beginning of September. A friend has offered him a room to rent in his house so that might be an option.

Must get back to work!

Sally x

FatVonD

Why are his parents so keen on offloading him onto you, most parents would be advising their offspring not to rush into anything too quickly? Could he be trying to push your hand? Renting a room with a friend sounds ideal, even if he's rarely there. I, like you, cam be a little too 'giving' but even I wouldn't pay off his marital debts for him!

Bluebell1000

moneysaver2012 wrote: »

. Because of the new law that came in recently he has to insure this car even though its off the road on his parents drive, that is £39 per month and the insurance on his runaround is £40 ish.

If the car's declared SORN it doesn't need to be insured, there seems to be a fair bit of confusion around the new laws but we have a couple of SORN'd cars and it's definitely OK as long as they stay off the road.

Glad this thread has helped you decide. When I met my now husband he was in debt but was slowly paying it off. I help ed with advice rather than financially, though did pay the majority of the bills when he moved in with me. However with some tips on this website he managed to juggle the debts around until they were paid off quite a lot sooner than he'd been expecting and he was debt free in time for our wedding.

After that he was in such good frugal habits that pretty much all his wages went into savings instead. I don't think paying debts for other people actually helps them learn better money management, there's so much more of a sense of personal achivement when you do it yourself!

moneysaver2012_2

Bluebell1000 wrote: »

If the car's declared SORN it doesn't need to be insured, there seems to be a fair bit of confusion around the new laws but we have a couple of SORN'd cars and it's definitely OK as long as they stay off the road

Thanks. he hasn't declared it SORN as its for sale and presumably any new buyer would want to test drive it.

Youre right about him needing to pay the debts himself and that there would be no lesson learnt if I paid them, this weeks Money moral dilemma is very similar to my own situation and the advice on there has helped a lot too.

Sally x

bargainbetty

I thought about this for someone a while back.... I spoke to my mum about it. I love this person, I said, I know him and I trust him to repay me. Her response was instant.

'You've known him six months. You don't even know if he gets out of the shower to take a pee.'

Even if his parents do want him to leave (I love my wise Mum, but I couldn't live with her again) you do not need him in your home yet. Let him stand on his own feet for a while, and learn to live within his means. Which are pretty decent and enough to let him pay down that debt.

I wish you all the best, but use your head to protect your girls, your heart and your bank balance x