Debts Vs Savings, Please help!

hot.chick

absolutely do not do it.....

you never know what is around the corner, you may move in together after paying off some of his debts and it may not work out, you separate and he strolls off debt free.

You really need to be sensible about this and protect urself.

you are right in that it seems like a good option, and maybe after living together for 6 months and are totaly committed you should review the situation, but not before - defo too risky.

You are obviously a very kind and generous person, help him all you can but without actually giving him money.

SavingPennies_2

Well I think it's a bit unfair for people to jump to the conclusion he is after your money. This may or me not be the case but we dont know enough of the situation to judge.

I think just be on your guard dont pay off his debts. 4 months is a very short time before moving in, especially as you have 2 girls. Id leave things as they are for another 6 months, that gives you time to know him more and him time to pay off as much debt as possible then you can start thinking of moving in together.

moneysaver2012_2

SavingPennies wrote: »

Well I think it's a bit unfair for people to jump to the conclusion he is after your money. This may or me not be the case but we dont know enough of the situation to judge.

I think just be on your guard dont pay off his debts. 4 months is a very short time before moving in, especially as you have 2 girls. Id leave things as they are for another 6 months, that gives you time to know him more and him time to pay off as much debt as possible then you can start thinking of moving in together.

Thank you, we are thinking at least after Christmas as we have both been through relationship break ups in the past so know it can happen so are quite realistic really

Sally

the_cat

moneysaver2012 wrote: »

Hi again

Let me add a few things, he has never asked me to pay anything off for him, this is just me feeling I could and should help if our finances become joint.

We have only known each other for 4 months and it would probably be after Christmas, maybe Feb before we move in, even with the pressure on him to move out. He is aiming to pay as much as possible off before then.

Sally

But why on earth should your finances become joint? You can co-habit with him paying an agreed 'rent' and being responsible for his own debts surely?

You have only known him a few months. Leaving aside the money issues, IMO that is too short a time to decide to move him in with your children and plan the rest of your life with him anyway

moneysaver2012_2

the_cat wrote: »

But why on earth should your finances become joint? You can co-habit with him paying an agreed 'rent' and being responsible for his own debts surely?

You have only known him a few months. Leaving aside the money issues, IMO that is too short a time to decide to move him in with your children and plan the rest of your life with him anyway

You're right. He will pay his debts not me and we would both contribute to joint bills. I would like to keep accounts separate intially so we both have some money of our own to decide how we spend it or save it.

moneysaver2012_2

browneyedbazzi wrote: »

Hi Sally,
I'm in the opposite situation to you. I'm divorced and one of the reasons was my ex's inability to control spending (partially I suspect due to a gambling problem but that was never confirmed). I came out of that relationship with a fair bit of debt of which I still have £7k to pay off (most of that debt was accumulated paying for things for my ex and all of it was in my name because he couldn't get credit. Stupid but I was young and naive!). I am paying interest on my debt but it is fairly minimal because I have a good relationship with my bank. On my salary I can afford to make the repayments and will be debt free in 2 years.

I'm now planning to move in with my bf who has been very good with money, doesn't have any debt (other than student loan that will be paid off very soon) and has considerable savings.

I wouldn't dream of asking him to use his savings to pay off my debt. If he offered I would say no....he's a lovely chap and I expect he would see it logically as you do with regard to freeing up salary so we could afford a better place, not paying interest etc. Even so, I couldn't help but feel that it would throw off the balance of the relationship and possibly lead to some long term resentment.

I'm not saying you definitely shouldn't do it, every situation and relationship is different. Just please think very carefully!

Thank you brwoneyedbazzi

Its been really useful hearing it from the other side. I know he is not looking to me to bail him out and doesn't really realise I am able to help out as much as I could. I wouldn't want anyone to do that for me either because I'm a proud person too.

Good luck in becoming debt free

Sally x

Kira000

HI, i am in kind of the opposite situation. I met my now DH when i was still about £49k in debt due to my evil ex, despite having being paying back for 4.5 years.
I was concerned about the possible impact on my DH's credit rating moving forward together, so was very upfront with him about my situation.
We still moved in together, and we married last year (after 3 years together). I have always been clear,my debt is my debt, his savings are his savings. He is in the position to have helped me clear some of the debt, and has indeed offered. However, i did not want him to be in a situation where he is responsible for paying back anything my ex lumbered me with so generally i have refused his help with one exception, one debt with Santander (the devils own bank), had a variable rate, which they raised about every 3 months, until it had gone from 15%-32%apr, i refinanced to a cheaper rate elsewhere, and he lent me £600 to help close the evil account- which i then paid him back asap using the difference in interest rates. Taking the refinance in his name was not something i would EVER consider.
More helpfully he has paid for bits and pieces that arise round the house, new sofas, a new washing machine, more than his share of bills, more of the weekly shops, which has enabled me to pay off more of the debt, more quickly (helping us in the long term), but with separate accounts, this has kept our finances separate, and reduced the impact i have on him.

I know some people will say, that i come part and parcel with my debts, but i would never sleep easy knowing he had the burden of something he didnt cause. I would never ask anyone to refinace my debt in their name, as i know to my cost, that as soon as your name is on a debt, even jointly, you are liable to repay it no matter who ran it up to start with.

Please, dont feel guilty about not taking on his debt. By all means look at ways you can help him arrange things to pay it off quicker, but it IS his problem, and you have a responsibility to your girls.

Kx

make_me_wise

My advice is dont take on his debts. They are not your responsibility. You have worked so hard to give yourself and your kids a good lifestyle and some financial security. If your relationship is as good as you make it sound then he wont mind sorting himself out first before setting up a life together with you.

How would you feel in a few months time if this relationship went /\ /\ up. All your savings gone and left to scrimp and save from scratch again.

moneysaver2012_2

Thank you Kira

Thank you for your post, I don't feel so guilty having read some replies on here and this has been going round and round in my head for weeks. I don't blame you for accepting some help with that pesky Santander debt and its good that you paid the money back to him.

I would never consider taking finance on for anyone else and there wouldn't be a need, his credit rating is good as everything is up to date, in fact its probably better than mine as I haven't used credit for many years. However we are both quite sure that we will do anything we can not to need credit again.

We are going to look at all his current and old loan agreements to see if there is any claim for mis-sold PPI payments.

I think if he can clear as much debt as possible before we move in then I'd feel better about things, like I said I am happy to buy things for the house to benefit us as a family.

Sally x

Running_Horse

I would ask to see a copy of his credit reports (a few quid from the main agencies), just in case there are any nasties lurking he has not told you about.