A long long time ago in an Orange Customer Service Centre far far away

alexsheehan

ORANGE left me RED

Apologies for the lengthy post, however I feel it's necessary to understand the level of frustration I feel!

Normally, I am a fan of Orange - I have been a loyal Pay-as-you-Go customer for well over 15 years now progressing to ever more advanced and slick handsets/interfaces and Operating Systems. I love some of the extras you get such as Orange Wednesdays (although admittedly I have used it a limited number of times lately due to finances), I am also a fan of Orange Phone Fund and have used it a couple of times to purchase new handsets – what a great idea! In fact, I have used Phone Fund to purchase my current handset (LG Optimus GT540, in case you were wondering).

However, I do have a few gripes with Orange and their <ahem> Customer Service. Although the automated Orange Voice Lady[1] sounds very polite and I'm sure she is a very nice lady - she has an unnerving knack of sounding like she is mocking you whenever she doesn't recognise your commands. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that", "I'm sorry you humungous imbecile, please speak more clearly", "I'm sorry, what language are you speaking, is it Swahili?”, “I do not understand the juvenile excrement coming out of that fat, colossal, ugly pie-hole, please speak more distinctly!”

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[1] the lady who has all those pre-recorded messages telling you how much balance you have remaining and "for billing enquiries, please press 1", "for technical support, please press 2", "to lose the will to live, please press that big red <END LIFE> button", "to return to the main menu, please press the <END CALL> button and redial", "to end the call, please press the big red <END LIFE> button", "to get helpful assistance with anything else or to speak to a human being, please hold for eternity or press the big red <END LIFE> button".
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This is just a small pebble, dropped into the deep chasm of my frustration though, as my irritation has been growing steadily over the last couple of years due to the decreasing standards that seem to be increasingly provided and the increasing level of decreasing support. Orange seem to think that it is acceptable to provide unacceptable levels of help and support to their “valued” customers at the moment.

My new phone was initially fine, no problems at all – I really liked it and because it was so good, my wife bought the next version of it, the LG Optimus One (ooh get her! I’m *NOT* jealous at all!) using her Phone Fund. My wife’s phone also initially worked perfectly, for a few weeks, until somehow; all of a sudden, both handsets appeared to take on a life of their own. Each one refused to make calls one day, the next day they would refuse to receive calls, another day they might refuse to send or receive text messages, at other times it was the extended services such as email, internet, Facebook plug-ins etc., which were to blame, refusing to connect or “server errors”, “service currently unavailable” and suchlike.

We were both informed that, to rectify, we would need to take out the battery and sim-cards to our respective handsets, replacing them after a short while and trying again. Fair enough, both started working again, briefly, until it happened again – we did as instructed the last time and removed our batteries and sim cards etc., this worked again, but after what seemed to be shorter and shorter periods, our phones were experiencing more frequent downtime and errors.

I phoned Orange, who on this particular occasion, were very helpful indeed and they went through the usual checks and processes as described in their “Mobile Phones For Dummies” script. They tinkered with things their end, they urged my wife and I to tinker with things our end and finally everything was working perfectly, “Marvellous!”…… but then it all went a bit pear-shaped and we started having further problems again. I went into the local Orange shop to complain and the *delightfully helpful* shop assistant proceeded to fiddle and twiddle with my phone, flicking around the well-designed touch-screen as if she were some kind of illegitimate love child of Erno Rubik. It was a sight to behold and she quickly found her way into the settings and changed a few things, such as “only use 2G” etc.

Now, my initial thought was “what is the point of having a 3G phone if you are disabling the 3G on it!?”. I remained silent however, faithfully bowing to her *superior* knowledge.

As had happened previously, the phone, whether by accident, coincidence or design seemed to work correctly again for a while……until….. (I think you know how it ends from here and I’m getting bored of retelling the same story, so I’ll leave it to your imagination!).

Besides my frustration at the aforementioned, my vexation came to a head on 17th of June 2011 when I tried to top-up my phone using the Orange automated system. The Automated Orange Voice Lady (affectionately known in my household as “Mocking Maureen”) was at her usual best; guarding the temple of Debits/Credits with usual insolence, stating that she was finding it hard to understand my crass, agricultural accent, and how she would not let me pass until I could muster up a complete coherent sentence of “Queens English”. However, after several stumbles and failed attempts, I fooled her into finally letting me past by careful use of reverse Psychology (ok I confess, I just tickled her under the chin and bypassed her when she lost concentration and went all giggly!).

Finally, I managed to get through the maze of virtual corridors within the Orange Towers automated system, jumped the three-headed ‘demon-dog of doom’ guarding the secret ‘Lord of the Telephone Rings’ chamber and press the elaborate cryptologic sequence of keys that any obsessive compulsive would have been proud of, to gain access to the secret ‘Temple of Talk-Time’. I promptly went through the rigmarole of inputting the details of my nominated Debit Card (last 4 digits only) into the antiquated (yet surprisingly responsive) interface made up of odd bits of stick, rock, twine and cloth - something akin to a scene out of “The Goonies”. I duly continued, entering the amount I wished to top up by (£10) and the 3 cypher security code on the back of the card, only to be shocked motionless by the booming voice of “Mocking Maureen” behind me (who had amazingly caught me up after recovering from her uncontrollable giggling seizure). “I am sorry, you flatulent cretin, but your card issuer has declined the transaction - probably because you are a fraudulent buffoon and the card is pilfered! Please contact your card issuer for more derisive remarks of your deceitfulness.” She then promptly wrenched me from whence I was standing, and threw me back to the ‘Dial-Tone of Disaster’ - all the while in the background, I could hear “Mocking Maureen’s” maniacal laughter slowly fading into the distance.

This was only the start of my frustration however, I subsequently tried entering the Orange Towers automated system on 2 further occasions, just in case there was some misunderstanding and I had been confused or mistaken for somebody else, or there was some glitch in the system or ghost in the machine. After each failed attempt, I was told that my Debit Card had been declined and to contact my card issuer for more information.

In the hope that this was just a problem confined to the automated system, I phoned once more, this time, navigating my way around the cacophony of key presses to “…speak to a Customer Services representative…”, only to go through the whole top-up process again to be told, “I am sorry, sir, the transaction has been declined by your card issuer…” blah, blah, blah!

I contacted my Card Issuer (Halifax), who were extremely helpful and professional and informed me that 2 of the transactions had actually gone through and I had been charged for them both - they gave me 2 Authorisation Codes which, they said, Orange could use to track/trace the transactions and therefore Credit my account accordingly.

Harrumph! I proceeded to telephone Orange *Customer Service*, to which I owe the most bizarre and useless episodes of Customer Service I have ever had the displeasure to experience. The first time I contacted them was via telephone and the initial contact went ok. I explained the situation and the operative forwarded me onto the correct department. However, my irritation started to grow when I had to explain the whole sorry top-up story once more to the representative, who promptly forwarded me onto another colleague “more suitable to answer my query”, whom I had to reiterate the entire thing one more time.

“Okay sir, what you need to do is send an email to Payment.Processing@everythingeverywhere.com explaining what has happened, stating the Authorisation Codes, with a copy of your bank statement containing confirmation of the transactions.”

I rapidly fired off an email containing the above detail, to which I received the following, turgid, response;-

“Thank you for your e-mail.
This in-box is for receipt of remittance advice from Customers, Equipment Card Refund queries and correspondence with Banks only.
Please contact your Customer Service Adviser who will be able to assist with your query. Your Customer Service Advisor will contact Payment Processing by Merlin action if they require assistance.
Regards,
Orange Payment Processing.”

Now, why couldn’t they have just relented, redirected my query to the appropriate department and informed me that “this inbox is not normally used for such correspondence, in the future, please contact……”, rather than being so bureaucratic? I was, after all, told to write to this very email address by one of “their” Customer Service Advisers?

Incensed, I retorted to their pompous message with enthusiasm and promptly expressed my views on their pretentious reply with equal pretentiousness - only to have a response in return, equal in pomposity to their first, expressing the same, uniform, inflexible, dreary, monotone, corporate drivel.

Enraged, a few days later when I had the opportunity, I entered the local Orange shop and yet again explained my conundrum to the Shop Assistant. She seemed to understand quite well, didn’t seem to be missing many brain cells and could actually string two sentences together to form some semblance of intelligence and did not have too much dribble trickling down her face. She quickly telephoned Orange <ahem> Customer Services and informed them of my plight, however, I assume the operator must have asked to speak to myself, because the shop assistant then proceeded to thrust the phone towards my face with gusto, in unison with an incomprehensible Neanderthal-like grunt, which I presumed must have been some sort of complicated mating ritual. In no mood for coitus, I swiftly seized the phone from the gorilla-like fist of the Assistant and, once more, with much fear and trepidation, began to inform the operator (doubtless on the other side of the world somewhere) of my problems.

I was then redirected to another colleague, who was <ahem> “more able to deal with my query”, whom I then recounted the whole sorry saga to yet again. The operator asked if I was ok to be put on hold whilst he checked with his manager. After a minute or two of *lovely* music, I was interrupted in my auditory delights by the manager whom requested I reprise my predicament. So, for what seemed like the nth time, I recollected my rather boring, monotonous, but nonetheless important account and proceeded to narrate my story yet again.

The manager put me on hold….. again…… whilst he checked the “system”, and by system, I think he was referring to “the internet”, more specifically “Google”, to see if he could understand what may have happened. After many, many, ………… many minutes of waiting (at least I had the *nice* music to help me go to sleep!), he eventually came back on the phone to inform me that they have no record of any transactions on the 17th June and that the only recent transaction they can see on my account was in May (the last time I topped-up). I quickly snapped in response “but I am telling you that my bank have confirmed that 2 of the transactions on the 17th have gone through and I have Authorisation Codes to confirm this; the authorisation codes are ______ & ______ - can you please check this out for me? I am not happy about this, I have already been in touch with several different people/departments about this and I am starting to get annoyed – please sort it out!”. Cue several minutes of the lovely *not dull or annoying at all* music and a few minutes of me catching up on lost “sleepy-time” and I finally get the same blase response as before, “I am sorry sir, but our system is showing that your last transaction was in May, there is nothing more we can do.”

At this point, I got very angry and said “Of course there is something you can do, surely your finance/accounts department or whomever holds the purse strings would have a record of the transaction? My bank can confirm via authorisation codes that the transactions went through and I have definitely been charged because I can see it on my bank statement! Can you please investigate this and get back to me?”. “Just a second sir!”, cue silence and the audible delights of the elevator-like music once more. Then, after several minutes waiting……<click>, <brrrr>. Now I’m not one for swearing or violence, nor am I one for redirecting my rage or aggression towards a third party, whom, had no direct bearing on the proceedings that had led me to this point, but all sense of rationality had departed my being and I could quite easily have “regulated the breathing” of the nearest person to me at this point.

Instead, I decided to swear a the nearest person to me (sorry shop assistant and anyone who was in the vicinity!), accomplish the fine art of making myself look like a complete weirdo (ok, even more of a weirdo than I normally am!) by throwing my toys out of the pram, storming out of the shop like a child, and shouting/swearing into the ether (sorry passers by).

Shortly after my release from the local institution, I decided I would settle this matter once and for all so I thought I would write to Orange Complaints in the first instance, so they may try to resolve my case before I take it to the Ombudsman.

Basically, unless they can assure me that this matter will be resolved to my benefit, this includes loss of credit, downtime of the phones, loss of any (albeit small) interest I would have received had I kept the money used to top-up the phones in my bank account, then I will be taking the matter in the first instance to the Ombudsman and then further progress it from there if I have to, including taking the matter to the press and hopefully informing everyone else about the shocking service that Orange are providing.

I would also like Orange to replace the faulty phones at their cost, with completely brand new (fully‑functional) ones of equal or greater value (they were around the £130 mark when new and I expect replacement phones of equal or greater value in today’s market), and give some assurance as to the level of service I am likely to receive in the future, otherwise I they leave me no choice but to go elsewhere. I do hope that Orange do not normally operate like this, however I am seriously considering not purchasing Orange services or phones ever again after this shocking treatment!

If you've managed it this far, and haven't nodded off once then well done you and thank you for reading! Does anyone think I am being unreasonable? Can I ask for such actions to be taken? I've asked for them anyway but I just wondered what people's thoughts were on the subject.

Guys_Dad

I hope your satisfaction in writing this opening post was in direct inverse proportion to my pleasure in reading it.

You've got a duff phone? Then there are a myriad of threads on here that will help as well as a sometime Orange Company Rep who might be worth contacting.

Apart from that, you need to decide if you want to be a MSE contributor or a script writer for some comedy show. If the latter, then take some lessons from the Richard Branson complaint letter.

alexsheehan

Guys Dad - it did allow me to get the account off my chest, so I do feel satisfied, yes, thank you! However, I did apologise for the length of post at the top of my message and you didn't HAVE to read it did you? No-one forced you! It was a pretty long, boring story anyway and I was just trying to lighten the mood a bit by throwing in a bit of humour (well I hope anyway), but I guess not everyone has a sense of humour!

I'm not really asking for help with my phone, I've already established the fact that it is duff and I am in the process of sorting it out, what I am trying to do is threefold; firstly, just trying to inform anyone who will listen (granted, probably not very many) about the poor service I have received, secondly, trying to vent my spleen a little and make myself feel a little better and thirdly, as per my final sentence (if anybody made it that far) asking for advice on whether anyone knows if I can make the kind of demands I am making in the final few paragraphs of my post or whether I am going a bit too far.

Thanks for your *help*.

Edinburghlass_2

Guys_Dad wrote: »

I hope your satisfaction in writing this opening post was in direct inverse proportion to my pleasure in reading it.

You've got a duff phone? Then there are a myriad of threads on here that will help as well as a sometime Orange Company Rep who might be worth contacting.

Apart from that, you need to decide if you want to be a MSE contributor or a script writer for some comedy show. If the latter, then take some lessons from the Richard Branson complaint letter.

No need, not up to you how MSE users' post. If you don't like a thread then please don't bother posting your displeasure, thank you:)

Silk

Hi Alex,
Well it is long and came close to falling asleep ...are you a copywriter ? if not you should be.

I'm wondering whether the fault on your phones is a signal issue rather than a fault on both phones.

Recent changes have affected quite a number of customers and switching off 3g etc has improved the situation.

You mention in the post doing this ...what was the result ?

alexsheehan

Thanks Silk, yes turning off 3g did work for a little while (a few days, maybe a week at a push) but then everything started to go mammaries up again. As I stated in my original post, I don't know whether the phone started working again by accident, coincidence or design but they soon defaulted to their previous 'brick-like' state.

Thanks for reading my post though, I think you deserve a reward!

alexsheehan

Thank you very much Edinburghlass!

Silk

alexsheehan wrote: »

Thanks Silk, yes turning off 3g did work for a little while (a few days, maybe a week at a push) but then everything started to go mammaries up again. As I stated in my original post, I don't know whether the phone started working again by accident, coincidence or design but they soon defaulted to their previous 'brick-like' state.

Thanks for reading my post though, I think you deserve a reward!

Hi Alex,
Have you still got your old phones that you could try putting the sims in for a few days and see what happens ?

GRM

alexsheehan wrote: »

Normally, I am a fan of Orange - I have been a loyal Pay-as-you-Go customer for well over 15 years now

Anyone else geek enough to remember when Orange launched their first PAYG service called Just Talk? Hint; it was less than 15 years ago.

PS Don't give up the day job. Unless it's writing.

alexsheehan

Silk - No I'm afraid I haven't got my old sims and the ones my wife and I are currently using were transferred from our old Sony-Ericsson W580i's.

GRM ;-P ok, I admit, I wrote that bit without really thinking too much (no change there then)! I think it was probably around 2001/2002 (if I recall correctly - please let me know if I am wrong GRM ;-) ) when I bought my first mobile phone (Bosch 509e).

Thanks guys for your help!

Guys_Dad

Edinburghlass wrote: »

No need, not up to you how MSE users' post. If you don't like a thread then please don't bother posting your displeasure, thank you:)

As you can see from post #3, OP gave 2 of his 3 reasons for the post as coming broadly under the heading of "Vent". There is an appropriate forum for Vents, as you know.

His 3rd reason was "asking for advice on whether anyone knows if I can make the kind of demands I am making in the final few paragraphs of my post or whether I am going a bit too far."

Quite clearly, a number of contributors would have switched off well before the end - as even OP himself suggests. If, therefore, a genuine answer was wanted, then a shorter post would have achieved the result.

Finally, if forum members followed your advice " If you don't like a thread then please don't bother posting your displeasure, thank you"
it defeats the point of a forum and it would be a pretty empty site!

But, yes, I could have phrased it differently, bringing out the points above and commenting on the fact that it was unlikely that he would get the result he asked an opinion on, as he might have found had he looked at some of the other posts I suggested.