I need help quickly with family problem

gettingbetter

Lancaster

we aint here to judge you
we all have skeletons
we just want to help if we can

ask any question you like
someone will know the answer

kas xx

vegasvisitor

I'm not able to offer any practical help, but people also aren't saints just because they're family. No one can understand your reasons for not speaking etc, but it does sound odd that your sister would become so involved after an even longer spell away.

Dumyat

I think you need to visit your mum and see for yourself how advanced her dementia is. Dont rely on the words of neighbours. My mum's neighbours would say she was fine..but they didn't know about what really went on. On the surface she could appear "normal"..but the truth was far from that.
My Mum's main issue was at night and there are no care packages available for night times..and now she is in a home. Her house is in the process of being sold to pay for her care. She had full social work assessments before this happened..and this may be the case with your mum. The home are likely to have a copy of that, as ours did, before they accepted her for admission.

Mojisola

As others have said, you need to see your Mum for yourself. You need to talk to the people running the home she is living in. You need to contact Social Services and talk to her Social Worker. You need to talk to the estate agent and solicitor involved in selling the house.

If your Mum has serious dementia, she will not be competent to sign forms involved in selling the house. If your sister does not have power of attorney already, then she cannot sell the house on your Mum's behalf. When the house is sold, the money will have to be used to fund your Mum's care unless your sister has lied to SS/DWP about your Mum's financial situation.

You've got a lot to do but make sure you find out the facts before you stir things up.

Errata

As Mojisola has said, plus there's nothing preventing the OP from applying to the Court of Protection to be appointed as a Deputy and handling the sale of the mother's assets.

newcook

Unless you are prepared to be your mothers full time carer and be there 27/7 I would say to leave her where she is and let the sale of the house continue.

It sounds as if your sister has taken the best course of action and your mom has gone willingly rather than waiting until her dementia has gotten worse (which will also be a massive strain on your sister if she is caring for her) and having to have row after row causing more upset, stress and anxiety.

If I were you I would spend as much time with your mom while she still remembers you and can hold conversations with you. The last thing I imagine you want is for the next few years filled with ‘I wish I’d told her…‘

who is paying for the carehome until the sale of the house has gone through?

onlyroz

I think you need to visit your mum, to assess for yourself about the state of her dementia. However, if she really is in an advanced state then a care home is absolutely the best place for her - and the house will need to be sold to pay for this.

always_poor_2

Hi,

Firstly can I say that I feel for you being in this situation, dementia is an extremely cruel illness and it's very hard to see a loved one suffer in this way, regardless of any previous agruements / bad feeling there may have been between you.

Secondly, if Mom has advanced dementia, your sister won't be able to get POA for her (unless the paperwork was done for this sometime ago and is only now being registered etc) she will have to apply to the cort of protection to be made a deputy. When this happens, she will have to pay a bond (sort of like an insurance policy so that if something untoward happens, i.e your sister spends the money, not that i'm suggesting for a second this could happen) so that your mothers care home fees are protected. Bonds are normally set at around 2-3yrs care home fees.

The house will not be able to be sold until someone has been appointed POA / Deputy, is there anyway you could perhaps meet with your sister to try and clear the air / discuss the way forward for mom?

If you truly believe that it's not in your mom's best interests for your sister to be appointed as her deputy, I would think either social services or a solicitor would be the first place to start. If neither of you are comfortable with the other being Deputy, this could be done by social services or a solicitor.

People loose touch with family for all sorts of reasons, you obviously both want to do the right thing for your mom, so perhaps that's the best starting ground to help sort this out. Good luck xxx

Lancaster1

Thanks for the further replies. I really need to find out how the house has got sold subject to contract on the estate agents website when my sister tells me she has gone for power of attorney but hasn't got it.
Busy day ahead for me. It's not gonna be straightforward to visit my mother immediately since my sister has moved her 200miles away to near where she lives.
Maybe I'm just being overly suspicious at all that has happened, but I think I'm entitled to wonder why it has taken my sister 5 months to tell me about all this and only now when the sale of the house is supposedly within a few days of being finalised.

RAS

This is based on the assumption that you are in England and Wales and that your sister does not already have power of attorney.

You need to check whether she has done this here http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Dl1/Directories/DG_10012178

Lancaster1 wrote: »

Yesterday my half sister visits me and tells me that she put my mother in a care home 5 months ago because she has dementia, and she(my sister) is selling the house and that it is sold subject to contract. As you can imagine this has come as a massive shock to me.

I am going to guess that she has recently taken advice on getting an LPA and been advised that you will be able to object to her obtaining one, so she is trying to smooth things over. She cannot sell your mother's house without being attorney or deputy.

You ned to speak both to the estate agents and the lawyer concerned urgently.

The house has been gutted and I have just managed to grab a few personal possessions from what hadn't been spirited away.

Unless your sister already has power of attorney (Lasting or Enduring), this is simple theft, unless the itemns are with your mother in the nursing home.

Your sister has no legal right to do anything with your mother's possessions at all.

My sister says she is trying to get power of attorney.

Given her behaviour so far, I would suggest that this is not a good idea, since she seems to have so little understanding of her legal position

You need to go and see the nursing home, make some personal assessment of your mother's state and then speak to your sister. Her intentions may have bene honourable but her actions are illegal.

If you mother completed an EPA or LPA prior to goign into the home, then you need to know who she appointed as attorney. If she did not, thwen you need a medical assessment as to whether she retains the mental capacity to complete one now.

If your sister's view of her capacity is supported by medfical evidwence, then your mother is no longer able to appoint and attorney and you have to ask the Office of the Public Guardian to appoint a deputy. This takes time, lots of time.

We had an EPA in place to support my mother and even then from starting to process it in July it took until next March to get the EPA registered. During that time we were allowed to pay her nursing home fees, bills and buy essentials and to tidy the house and remove rubbish, but not to dispose of any items by sale or giving them away.

That may give you an idea how far out of line youyr sistert appears to be. Only once the EPA was registered were we able to start clearing the house and put it on the market.