Not invited to family wedding -surprisingly upset!

pimento

There was a whole row of little old ladies with shopping trolleys who were obviously regulars at weddings in the back pew of the church when I got married. They put me in mind of the knitters at the guillotine!

greytooyoung

Thanks for all your input all your opinions are valuable.
I know my history sounds a bit odd!I was in a relationship with an older man that started when I was just 16 - it quickly became very abusive and controlling, I had a child very young and lived some distance from my parents.I was with this man for 10 years,I did not know how to get away from him ,he isolated me completely,and made it incredibly difficult for me to see my family.The "distance" began then I suppose.
When I was 21 he broke my collarbone and fractured 2 of my ribs and I turned up on mum's doorstep. She sent me back to him,told me I had made my bed so I could lie in it.She said she didn't need the hassle.
Obviously he used this to his advantage from then on I received regular beatings and he would say "no-one cares about you,I can do what I like,even your family don't want you".
I left him eventually taking my son and the clothes on my back.I was 26 and that was 20 years ago.I have a wonderful husband and am happy now,but I find family relationships very difficult.

CH27

greytooyoung wrote: »

Thanks for all your input all your opinions are valuable.
I know my history sounds a bit odd!I was in a relationship with an older man that started when I was just 16 - it quickly became very abusive and controlling, I had a child very young and lived some distance from my parents.I was with this man for 10 years,I did not know how to get away from him ,he isolated me completely,and made it incredibly difficult for me to see my family.The "distance" began then I suppose.
When I was 21 he broke my collarbone and fractured 2 of my ribs and I turned up on mum's doorstep. She sent me back to him,told me I had made my bed so I could lie in it.She said she didn't need the hassle.
Obviously he used this to his advantage from then on I received regular beatings and he would say "no-one cares about you,I can do what I like,even your family don't want you".
I left him eventually taking my son and the clothes on my back.I was 26 and that was 20 years ago.I have a wonderful husband and am happy now,but I find family relationships very difficult.

That's completely understandable.
You have done so well to build a stable relationship with your husband & to have good relationships with your children.
That cannot have been easy. I applaud you:T

cyclingyorkie

weddings cause so much upset!

I made it to my sisters wedding ( i had to leave my eldest at home - she has ME - a friend came to look afetr her) but I wasn't invited to the 'hen do'! I was gutted...

She was my chief bridesmaid - but didn't return the compliment....... AND I am still gutted......

I would drop a present round and plan to do something really nice FOR YOU on the day!

greytooyoung

I just wanted to say elvis86 that you are right,I have no right to expect anything,and really I don't.
I barely know my siblings really,(they were kids when I left home) and I posted really because I probably needed someone to put me straight.I am being stupid and selfish.As several of you pointed out,distance between them and me is my choice.
I've just found it easier that way.
I just think I shocked myself that it hurt at all,but it really did,took me by surprise.
Having read through your posts I think I will back off from my family completely.I just don't know how to have a "normal"relationship with them -my fault,not theirs.

podperson

Hun, I find your last post really sad. I understand that you feel your parents let you down and weren't there for you when you really needed them but that was nothing to do with your siblings and perhaps your reaction to this means that on some level you wish you had a better relationship with them? Family relationships are never easy and rarely 'normal' but you have to think whether you want to try and build one with your brother.
Send them a gift and a card for the wedding, don't ask to go but maybe call them a few weeks later and ask if they had a nice day/honeymoon, ask to see piccies - newlyweds love showing off the piccies put the effort into seeing them.