Not invited to family wedding -surprisingly upset!

greytooyoung

Thanks so much to everyone who took time to respond to my post.I think champagne is a great idea, that's what I will do.
I can't believe how much it has helped to "offload"and get the perspective of others- I feel so much better today! I feel like it is ok for me to feel sad and left out,and I'm not being stupid.
My husband reminded me this morning that I have learned from the situation within my family,and am very close to and supportive of my own (now grown up) children.
He has also pointed out that I am not on my own - that really helps!

CH27

greytooyoung wrote: »

Thanks so much to everyone who took time to respond to my post.I think champagne is a great idea, that's what I will do.
I can't believe how much it has helped to "offload"and get the perspective of others- I feel so much better today! I feel like it is ok for me to feel sad and left out,and I'm not being stupid.
My husband reminded me this morning that I have learned from the situation within my family,and am very close to and supportive of my own (now grown up) children.
He has also pointed out that I am not on my own - that really helps!

Well done for triumphing over the bad times:T

pimento

greytooyoung wrote: »

Last time I went to a family occasion my mum rang me the next day to tell me how awful I had made it for everyone and how uncomfortable,and how I'd created an awful atmosphere.My Dad was unexpectedly there but I said hello, was very civil and friendly almost.

There's your answer I reckon. Who would want that on their wedding day?

Still, at least it saves you the cost of a present.

newcook

If I were you I'd take the present around yourself - if he does feel guilt tripped and asks you, give a big smile and say 'thanks but its a bit short notice and I've had something planned for that day that I cant re-arrange but I hope you have a great day'

supermezzo

TBH I wouldn't do anything about it as I think that you'll make it worse. Unless your Mother tells him that she's told you, he need never know that you know about it and won't feel guilty on the day that you aren't there.

Acc72

greytooyoung wrote: »

I don't have my brothers phone number

he lives 5 mins away

I will get a nice gift and card and get hubby to pop it round.

From the above it sounds as though you and your brother do not have a close relationship if you do not have is phone number / mobile / e-mail / facebook etc.

As he only lives 5 minutes away, is there an underlying reason why you do not see each other ?

I also think that getting your husband to drop off a card or present is not a good idea - either don't get him anything or take it round yourself.

It may just be that blokes are less sensitive to these things and he does not realise that you are upset - why not speak to him and ask him?

ERICS_MUM

You and your husband could both go round to your brother's with a card/gift - hubby can step in and lighten the atmosphere if things get a bit strained.

Good luck - sound's like you've got a fantastic husband and children which is the most important thing.

Linda xx

Lucy1973

I personally wouldn't go to the effort of sending a gift,but that's just me.

I kind of understand what you're going thru. I had a falling out with my brother a couple of years ago. Before this I was asked to be godmother to his baby girl. Next thing I hear from my nan about the christening. I wasn't invited and haven't spoken now in 2 years. They've not rung to offer congrats on my pregnancy or anything so I have decided to have nothing more to do with them. I feel so much better for it.

lostinrates

greytooyoung wrote: »

Thanks so much to everyone who took time to respond to my post.I think champagne is a great idea, that's what I will do.
I can't believe how much it has helped to "offload"and get the perspective of others- I feel so much better today! I feel like it is ok for me to feel sad and left out,and I'm not being stupid.
My husband reminded me this morning that I have learned from the situation within my family,and am very close to and supportive of my own (now grown up) children.
He has also pointed out that I am not on my own - that really helps!

Your husband sounds lovely.

I agree with you that a gift like a bottle of Champagne is appropriate and kind.

Your brither may well ahve spent a long time wondering what to do for the best and also being sad about the situation.

To avoid a difficult situation what about having it delivered...there are companies that do...like interflora, and just a nice card...''so thrilled for you, have a wonderful day''.

Acc72

lostinrates wrote: »

To avoid a difficult situation what about having it delivered....

And thereby perpetuate the current situation with regards to lack of communication ?

I believe that if the OP wants to go to the wedding and/or a relationship with her brother, then she should speak with him (ideally face to face).

This does not need to be a difficult situation or an argument.

The brother might be thinking that he sees other family members on a regular basis and never sees or speaks to the OP (despite living around the corner) so he just did not invite her.

Or, as previously suggested if the brother thought that the OP would not go anyway he just didn't bother to invite her.

There could be any one of hundreds of reasons for the lack of invitation and this may be something really trivial.

One thing is for sure - there is only one way for the OP to find out.