Child Care is costing us the equivelent of a mortgage!

Kimberley82

onlyroz wrote: »

I find it tremendously sad that you felt it necessary to do this. I don't see why the woman's career always has to come second to the man's - particularly when we are often told that girls do better at school than boys. Such a waste.

I do that too, not because my husband is more important but because he earns so much more.

Nara

I think a happy medium is best, but yeah my partner has always earnt more then me so no choice but for him to carry on working.

I used to work in a nursery and some of the parents dropped their kids off at 7am and picked them up at 7pm, they worked in London so I assume where on a resonable wage.
But I did feel sorry for the kids, 12 hours a day 5 days a week in a nursery, some were quite young too, babies in cots. It made me realise that when i had kids i wouldn't want to do this.

So we bought our house first, and then when i decided to get pregnant i made sure we saved as much as we could for a year to help us when our wages dropped whilst i was off work.
I would have liked to return to work part time after my years maternity leave but my DD was very ill from 5 weeks old and i guess i was too worried to leave her in the care of anyone else even for a day.

She's now 5 years old and i work part time, but its still not easy without parents to help out with childcare, since the hourly wage i get is not great and to pay out for childcare is still pointless, luckily my company allow me to work school hours and take the holidays off, but money is tight is always has been for the last 5 years, you just learn to adjust your spending.
But i agree if the government helped support parents more then I'm sure more of us could return to work part time at least.

babyfruitella

Tropez wrote: »

As someone who has no desire for children perhaps I'm missing something here but why is it that some people would prefer to have a go at "scroungers" who claim welfare than face the fact that they could, nay should, have had savings in place to cope with the child care costs until the child was able to go to school?

Does the same not also apply to the "scroungers"? Surely they shouldn't have had children either if they couldn't afford it? In fact they shouldn't be doing anything if they're relying on state handouts, no?

babyfruitella

onlyroz wrote: »

I find it tremendously sad that you felt it necessary to do this. I don't see why the woman's career always has to come second to the man's - particularly when we are often told that girls do better at school than boys. Such a waste.

I also do this. My husband earns more than me, so his job has to take priority.

onlyroz

Can somebody please tell me where, in my post, that I mentioned salary as the measure of equality in a relationship?

NEH

I'll probably get flamed for saying this so i'll duck but having children is a CHOICE not a right....

Doesn't matter whether you're a SAHP or a working couple, finances should be thought about very carefully before you go and have children...If nursery fees are high then that is a consequence of choice and we all have them at some point...It's all very well moaning about how high nursery fees are but it was your decision to have children and your decision to work and with that comes the responsibility of providing for your children the best possible care. Yes sometimes it seems others are getting more than you in terms of help but unfortunately as grown up you know life isn't always fair.

I know from a personal view folks think we're mad because we're considering the financial aspect of having children before having them and we can't afford them at the moment. As with any major investment as it were you would do your research so why not with a child, i know it's sweet to think love alone will get you through but you have to take into consideration the financial aspect and to some extent medical aspects (but that's a whole other story)

Personally I've seen relatives who put their children into nursery care and they're there from 7:30/8am to 6pm that's potentially 10 hours a day, 50 hours a week which in some cases is more hours than your average working soul. As Jo Frost said the average time people spend with their kids is 45 mins a day the same time we take to walk a dog, puts things in perspective....A lot of the children are fed completely by the nurseries and by the time they go home it's nearing bedtime and in essence it makes the parents weekend parents only. I just think it's very sad when you hear how tired the little ones are....

I also think these days a lot of folks have lost the sense of how much money is worth. When you go through finances with some folks they are adamant that they both have to work but when you go through the finances and what they spend, you know it is to fund a certain lifestyle and it's not one they want to sacrifice for the sake of having children. I'm not saying it is the case in every situation but in some cases folks don't know how to budget or how to do without things, or even the concept of buy what you can afford.

anguk

onlyroz wrote: »

This is only true if you make it so.

Unfortunately it seem like a lot (if not most) women believe that all they can aspire to is to play a supporting role in the family rather than be at the head of it, or be on an equal footing with their husband.

That's a fair point but I also think that mothers are expected to be super-women now, we're expected to raise perfect children, have perfect homes, look perfect and have a career. Equality has brought freedom for women but it has also brought extra pressure and expectations.

I also think that in the vast majority of households the woman is on an equal footing with the husband if not the head of the family. I stayed at home to raise my kids and my OH will admit to anyone that I'm head of the family, if anything he was the one with the supporting role going out to earn the money to keep us.

Tropez

babyfruitella wrote: »

Does the same not also apply to the "scroungers"? Surely they shouldn't have had children either if they couldn't afford it? In fact they shouldn't be doing anything if they're relying on state handouts, no?

Congratulations on completely missing the point! :T

Why would I put "scroungers" in inverted commas? Could it possibly be because I was suggesting that the people the OP was directing his anger towards may well not be scroungers at all? Perhaps there is an also element that the OP is the creator of his own situation and therefore complaining about other people doesn't benefit him now, does it?

I assume you also realise that you could have any amount in savings and still claim child benefit if you met the criteria? You can get housing benefit even with savings up to £16,000.

And what the hell is wrong with you if you believe that people who rely on the welfare system "shouldn't be doing anything"?

starnight_2

Nara wrote: »

I used to work in a nursery and some of the parents dropped their kids off at 7am and picked them up at 7pm, they worked in London so I assume where on a resonable wage.
But I did feel sorry for the kids, 12 hours a day 5 days a week in a nursery, some were quite young too, babies in cots. It made me realise that when i had kids i wouldn't want to do this.

This is the way I used to live, from DS was 10 wks old he was in nursery. I'm a single parent and we lived like that for a year and a half. Yes I fell ill and had to leave work for a while, but I had already been considering it as I felt the need to spend time with DS more important. I have friends in a similar situation, but they need to work to pay rent/food/bills etc what else can you do?

Suzanne_Louise

Being a good parent is about making sure that your kids get the best they can get. It is also accepting that parents are not super heros capable of doing everything better than anyone else.

Both my kids were at nursery full-time from a few months old...they loved it and I have no doubt they benefited more in that environment than they would have with me. Why? Because I am a great mum in many aspect, but not when it comes to stimulating/entertaining/playing with. My kids both needed a lot of stimulation/attention and got that a lot better at nursery than they would have at home with me. What I made sure of was to pick a nursery whose values were in line with mine and who I felt provided excellent personal care.

.
My sentiments entirely - I love being a mummy, but I love working too. I don't feel guilty for working, as I know my daughter is learning more than I could ever teach her at her childminder.