The Matrix - Re-Evolution!!

groatie_queen

MG (((hugs))) re DS1, it's good the Head will speak to the Ed Psych on Monday.

Came home to find my AF order has been delivered! :j:j 3 boxes sitting neatly in the garage as requested. It will have to sit for a bit, as I've been informed I'm moving office next Thursday - yay! Quite short notice to get everything packed up but too good an opportunity to miss.

Not missing the TV so far, which is good. A mate is storing it for a bit in case I change my mind, but as I hardly used it at all in the past year, I don't think he'll need to lug it back (it's a big old ugly thing!). One for Freegle in the fullness of time I think.

Marru

I will catch up later. Now I just need coffee and some stupid FB games until I go and fetch DD.

So the story is that we are back in square one. We have now another round of Cafcass reports and the next hearing has schduled for March. That is scheduled for a whole day :eek: Because the bast@rd didn't provide us with the position statement in time we weren't able to see how pointless this hearing was and had we known we would have been able to avoid it and I would have saved 900 plus :mad: So now we are trying in next hearing to get him to reimburse me for these unnecessary costs.

I have now two options (I could do one or the other or both or neither):

1) I could ask my solicitor how much it would cost to find out if I am entitled any more money from him (other than £5 maintenance per week) and how much it would then cost to take him to court to get that money

2) Seriously consider relocating abroad. I would then need to have a damn good reason for moving and then go to court to get a permit to leave the country with my DD

I am secretly hoping that UK will would pull out of EU. I would then be without work permit and it would be probably easier to go. But on the other hand I have been here so long that I might be able to get a work permit anyway. Oh Bah Humbug!!!

So all in all after one round of Cafcass reports, two hearings and thousands of pounds of solicitors fees we are back where we were in June. !!!!!!€d off doesn't describe it.

The_Dragon

Hugs Marru - I hope you can get the money HE has wasted back and this is hard on you and your DD as well

Horace

Hugs Marru - what a nitwit your ex is..of course he should pay more than a fiver a week maintenance and pay your costs.

Zuma Blitz on FB is good - basically you are a frog spitting at things, it is great fun and very therapeutic. Puzzle Saga is another good one - you are a witch or a wizard that moves from place to place learning new spells and slaying trolls, zombies etc by playing puzzles.

Aesop

((((((((((((((((Marru)))))))))))))))))))

don't know what to say, except the t""t should man up and take his responsibilities seriously!!!!

Dorastar

Only just got in from parents evening and church meeting and am a wee bit tired but wanted to post.

Sorry it has been carp today Marru.

MG hang on in there being the fab mum you are and keep on at the school for as much help as you can. It often is the case of 'he who shouts loudest' etc especially as budget and lack of Ed Psych time has got dramatically worse in our ring-fenced Education system (will not debate it now but grrrr). Is there anyone the class teacher could buddy ds up with to support him especially on the yard/at playtimes where school life is often hardest? He has had a massive change moving from a Montessori school to a state school and if he's in year 6 the pressure to 'perform' at speed and at a certain level is immense. He also hasn't been drilled in this kind of teaching and learning which sadly all our little robots have to as we play our master's game (still not debating as would need a whole new thread).

Could you make a list for the teacher of things you do to 'get through' to ds - I know that isn't the right phrase but it is late - things he is interested in, things he has excelled at in the past, what makes him tick. The class teacher could then focus some of his teaching towards ds's needs, point him towards books, website activities, plan mini projects that would engage ds and give him success again. He could also then ask ds to work on a mini project with his 'buddy' and report back to the whole class - less intimidating than being on your own, and then longer term try to buddy in another child as well.

The class teacher is now aware of the sniggering issues and needs to stamp those out asap and come down like a tonne of bricks on those doing it. He also needs to be careful about how how he involves ds in discussions and lessons and build in opportunities for ds to show his knowledge and ideas appropriately and with success ( Sorry I can't think how to explain that better)

Ds also needs a way to 'tell' what he is feeling in a non-threatening way, maybe a simple card he keeps in his tray where he records by a simple smile, flat line, frown or whatever ds chooses, where he records how each session including assembly and breaks has gone. The teacher can then pick up on any incidents without a fuss by a quick glance at the card. I've done this with children in classes and it has really helped them take control of the situation and has given me the opening to ask why there was each symbol. It also helps put their day into some perspective e.g if it is an angry face how angry is that face 0-10 and why, was it really a 9/10 or was it a 4 - which can you cope with/how /why etc. I also let the parents see the card on a weekly basis so they can see the actual balance of their child's week and often the card becomes more cheerful as the weeks progress as the child can deal with events immediately.

Ds might also be able to have a named TA or teacher who he can go to when things are getting too much for him - I'm not sure what his Montessori school was like but he may also feel more comfortable with a woman as men have a very different teaching approach (HUGE generalisation but true from the ones I have known as teachers). They can be more sarcastic/jokey/relaxed/strict/loud etc than female teachers and ds might not be tuned into that way of teaching iyswim. That isn't meant to offend any men or suggest that ds doesn't have fab male role models, just that he might not have encountered them in a teaching role before.

Sorry for rambling but there might be something useful in there somewhere - will keep thinking though x

greyfox

Just making one of my occasional sorties out of lurkdom.

Big hugs for DS1. It brought tears to my eyes, too. I can so relate to how he’s feeling; he sounds like me 50 years ago. (Totally at ease with adults but like a fish out of water with my peer group. Started mainstream schooling at 9 following 5 years of “Dame School”, mainly one-on-one (long story!).“Different” so bullied etc etc.) I don’t think Aspergers/Autism Spectrum was recognised then. ( I took an online AQ test recently - just out of curiousity - and scored 33, which might explain some things!) At least now these sorts of things are taken seriously and there are people around who recognise the danger signs and can help – funding permitting. I really hope he’ll get the support he needs. One thing’s for certain; he’s got a great advocate in you, MG.

Am feeling a bit “Bleugh” tonight. Had a good day out with DH (can strongly recommend the Jewish Museum in Camden) followed by an early supper at Belgo, which was delicious and would have been quite MSE (before 7pm so meal costs the same as the time you order) had some lowlife not stolen my handbag from under the table while we were there. Had to rush home as my house keys and driving licence were both in it – so was half expecting to find the house done over. Luckily, it looks as though they were just after cash (I wonder if they found the £30 “mad money” which I always carry tucked away in my driving licence holder?) though we’re changing the locks first thing in the morning and have cancelled the cards etc. (Thank goodness for Sentinel.) My Kindle was in my bag too but at least I don’t carry anything of sentimental value so everything is replaceable, in time, and there’s enough slack in our budget to cover the loss.

Sorry, know this is “off topic” – and is very small beer compared to the things some of you are coping with - but needed to get it off my chest.

Happytogetdebtfree

Morning grey fox and everyone who will be waking up soon, sorry to hear you had your bag stolen how awful :-( its such an inconvenience, true at least nothing sentimental has gone but still very upsetting... Big hugs xx

Memory_Girl

AW greyfox - that is horrible. I have only lost stuff one and it was so unsettling. You "mad money" reminds me of going out as a student with an emergency tenner tucked somewhere intimate lol.

Was offline most of last night chatting with DS1. It is mostly the kids who have started the "its not cool to be smart" crap that he is having a challenge with. As hey "rule the roost (being the most vocal) he assumes that they know the best and so when they infer he is stupid he believes them.

Every school here in Scotland now has a Ed Psych attached to it - and it turns out the lady coming on Monday is someone I trained - so I'm hoping she will get that a "label" = problems (only that she knows I am dyslexic, dyspraxic and a genius - well according to Mensa anyways)

He is so worried that there "is something wrong with him" so we did lots of chatting around how some peoples brains are wired differently - like how Mum can't catch a ball, was always last in games - but still won five medals etc.

Eventually I resorted to Mr F's advice - I told him the "Geeks had inherited the earth" - and showed him early interviews of Gates and Jobs (OMG did they ever need Media training and a makeover). He Already knows that the b***ch who bullied me at school is working in Asdas as a part-time shelf stacker.

No offence to anyone who works in a Supermarket but I am certain if she had known how her life would have turned out she would have spent more time learning and less time getting a criminal record.

He absolutely gets that his best future is in something "Academic" and is still in love with learning - just suffering a huge knock to his self-confidence.

My Mum has suggested that the reason the school is stumped is that he "behaves" - he has always been a compliant child who avoids conflict. If he was "acting out" they have experience of that and could take action right away.

MG

Triciaxx

MG, Just passing through and leaning over the fence to say that your Mum is almost certainly right. The quiet ones just get overlooked.

Have a good day, all.