Unreasonable, Me?????

gravitytolls

always_poor wrote: »

TBH I just don't know. It's as if he has a blind spot where they are concerned, he just does what he wants. We've almost split over this issue before, when our DD was born 3 months early, the day after I came out of hosp he went and saw them, leaving me unable to get to hosp to visit DD

I'm outraged by this, this is a relationship that really needs some work, he's lucky you're so committed to it. He needs to see that he needs the same commitment.

Person_one

always_poor wrote: »

TBH I just don't know. It's as if he has a blind spot where they are concerned, he just does what he wants. We've almost split over this issue before, when our DD was born 3 months early, the day after I came out of hosp he went and saw them, leaving me unable to get to hosp to visit DD

On the face of it, this looks awful, but how long were you in hospital? How long had it been since he'd seen his other children? How long was the actual period of time that you were unable to visit the baby?

A new baby sibling arriving with a different mum, who gets to live with dad all the time, can be really hard for the older half siblings, they deserved to be considered in the situation. It sounds like it could have been organised better, and I agree you have things to talk about, but its a good thing that your partner isn't willing to just drop his children on a whim.

always_poor_2

Thanks all for your comments, I'm still feeling a bit peeved - but i'm sure i'll calm down. Eventually!!!

We didn't all go because the other Kids are teenagers and our DD is only a toddler - so the film wasn't suitable, plus she doesn't still still for 5 mins let alone 2.5 hours for the Wizardy One, lol. Also, I do believe, wrightly or wrongly, that as his time with them is limited they should spend the time doing something they enjoy rather than what suits a toddler. I am nice (sometimes) really :-)

Oh well, I'd better be off - that beans on toast for tea is going to require much careful preparation!!!

Thanks all xxx

gravitytolls

always_poor wrote: »

Thanks all for your comments, I'm still feeling a bit peeved - but i'm sure i'll calm down. Eventually!!!

We didn't all go because the other Kids are teenagers and our DD is only a toddler - so the film wasn't suitable, plus she doesn't still still for 5 mins let alone 2.5 hours for the Wizardy One, lol. Also, I do believe, wrightly or wrongly, that as his time with them is limited they should spend the time doing something they enjoy rather than what suits a toddler. I am nice (sometimes) really :-)

Oh well, I'd better be off - that beans on toast for tea is going to require much careful preparation!!!

Thanks all xxx

You sound completely lovely and considerate to everyone's needs. He's lucky to have you, and don't let him forget it lol.

Look, you've done the right thing, you've let loose with your negative energy on here, vented your spleen, opened your heart, got ready for the positive vibes of sypport etc. It gives you a chance to get it out of your system and get maybe, a different perspective. Having done so, it leaves you in a position to be calm(er) if you gfeel you need to discuss this with him.

dark_lady

He is incredibly lucky to have you. I hope he realises it.

The trouble with being a stepmum it seems to me is that a lot of the time you are only a stepmum when it suits like making monetary sacrifices like you just have (albeit without prior knowledge in your case) or when it comes to clearing up after the stepchildren or doing their washing. Then you are a stepmum.
Then when it comes to voicing an opinion you are told its none of your business and made to feel like a housekeeper.
This is not my experience btw but the experience of some of my friends who have confided in me about how unfair it all feels.

Zoetoes

It's a bit difficult this one, in a roundabout way your child will now have less because he spent the money on the other kids. But then it's good that he has taken the other kids out.

It's all very difficult isn't it! I can understand your frustration, because in a way you have paid for the kids to have the day out and you might have wanted to get the little one something nice or have a day out.

I don't envy you!

POPPYOSCAR

Yes I think this is a difficult situation as well.

I can understand him wanting to take his teenagers out and wanting to treat them,and £60 does sound like a lot of money but it soon adds up.I suppose it also would depend on how often he sees them and how often he does things like this with them.

He should have discussed this with you first but perhaps he did not realize it would come to so much.

I would not be so hard on him if this is the first time and perhaps the last time it happens.

Spendless

Even before your last post always poor, I'd read the thread thinking hmmm I wonder if his kids are older, maybe secondary school age and they'd gone to see Harry Potter. It can be harder to entertain older kids cheaply, when a bucket and spade doesn't keep them amused for hours anymore and the only way you'd get a good deal with them on a kids eat free is if you are going to eat chicken nuggets yourself.

What about a chat to him about putting some money in the budget that he uses when he sees his kids, so the money is already there before he goes out and isn't being taken from other areas after the event? In addition come up with some ideas about what they could do cheaply which is also age appropriate. I know there is a thread somewhere on here for older kids entertaining in summer hols, as I once stumbled on it myself.