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Unreasonable, Me?????

24

Comments

  • No.

    Explain he needs to have a good relationship with his kids, but it can't cost so much because you can't afford it.

    Is he trying to keep up with the Mum, or impress the kids so they like him better, do you think?


    TBH I just don't know. It's as if he has a blind spot where they are concerned, he just does what he wants. We've almost split over this issue before, when our DD was born 3 months early, the day after I came out of hosp he went and saw them, leaving me unable to get to hosp to visit DD
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  • *Robin*
    *Robin* Posts: 3,364 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker Stoptober Survivor
    I'd just tell him it is not acceptable to knock a third off his contribution to the household budget - he should have thought about it before; as he didn't he'll have to forgo his beer money this month and maybe overdraw by £30 to cover the cinema trip - and I'd offer to make up a picnic for him next time he takes out his own kids by himself. ;)

    If it was the middle of winter, or a special occasion like a birthday, or he'd discussed it beforehand.. then I'd be happier to split the cost with him and economise at home to save the £30 reduction in his contribution this month.

    £60 just for three people to see a movie is ridiculous if you're on a tight budget..
  • Lotus-eater
    Lotus-eater Posts: 10,789 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    TBH I just don't know. It's as if he has a blind spot where they are concerned, he just does what he wants. We've almost split over this issue before, when our DD was born 3 months early, the day after I came out of hosp he went and saw them, leaving me unable to get to hosp to visit DD
    :eek: Err, yes I can see why you almost split over this.

    It's a sticky situation, he obviously loves his kids and feels guilty about not living with them, so wants to give them the best he can.

    You can only sit down and try to get through his thick skull what the realities are.
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  • make_me_wise
    make_me_wise Posts: 1,509 Forumite
    edited 27 July 2011 at 10:09AM
    It sounds to me like he is very insecure about his relationship with his other children. Does he have any reason to fear maintaining access to them? Is his relationship with his ex good or is he worried that she may block him seeing them? It could be that there are things she is stipulating to him which is why he seems to go over the top with when he sees them and what they do. I would ask him if all is okay. He seems like a guy who is under pressure over these kids.

    Sometimes pwc do try and get the nrp over a barrel and have unrealistic expectations.
  • marywooyeah
    marywooyeah Posts: 2,670 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    do you mean that your food budget was £150 and is now only £100? that is low for 3 people, but not impossible if you meal plan and shop for whoopsies.
    I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, one day out for him has consequences lasting a month for you! I'd tell him to set up a seperate fund out of his own money solely for the purpose of taking his kids out. you work very hard why should you have to suffer.
  • globetraveller
    globetraveller Posts: 2,249 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    why not give him the £100 budget and get him to do the food shop? If you already have 2 jobs then this is not unreasonable. If he still gets his beer money and leaves you to fret over the food shop then he probably has no idea about real costs day to day. At least get him to accompany you food shopping.
    Failing that- then a few monotous days of beans on toast(even if you can find the money to do better) might help him appreciate your budget.
    Have to say that leaving you to cope the day after your daughter's birth is very worrying. Surely even his ex would understand that the visit day had to change.
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  • podperson
    podperson Posts: 3,125 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 1,000 Posts
    Would he be open to having a reasonable discussion about it or does he just start getting defensive or not listen? I would just say to him that while you appreciate he wants to do things with his kids you're on a strict budget so why don't you think of some more cost-effective things to do. Even if he wants to go to the cinema then I know my local ones do special kids films at weekend and during the school holidays for about a pound, buy some snacks on the way rather then inside as well and you've drastically reduced the price for the trip. With the nice weather could go to the park or local nature areas with a picnic etc.
  • lurvlyloz
    lurvlyloz Posts: 877 Forumite
    i would say that you're not being unreasonable and i would definately say something about it. point out that its now gonna be a very tight food budget this month
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  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Hi, thanks all - he has personal money, not much about £30 a month. I have the same but mine gets spent on DD's clothes, tumble tots, etc. I'm resentful as I feel he waited until after the event to mention that he'd be paying less into the household budget so that I couldn't object to him going x


    Why is only your personal money being spent on your daughter, isn't she his daughter too? Surely these things should be joint expenses.
  • January20
    January20 Posts: 3,769 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
    Person_one wrote: »
    Why is only your personal money being spent on your daughter, isn't she his daughter too? Surely these things should be joint expenses.

    Have to say I agree with this. It is not fair. Your £30 should be spent on "fun" things for you and then you might not feel so resentful. You may need to re-think your budget. Have you even posted an soa in the debt free wannabee forum?

    £60 is a lot of money to spend in one go but looking at the price of some cinema tickets, adding to that the exorbitant price of sweets/ ice-cream and then lunch, it's not really difficult to achieve. I would be so miffed in your situation and would make sure that food is really, really boring this month to teach him a lesson!
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