Unreasonable, Me?????

the_cat

Actually I can sympathise with him. I'm guessing that this day out has been planned in advance? Presumably he thought that he would be able to afford it (ie have overtime) and having promised his kids, I can see him being between rock and hard place in not wanting to let them down and knowing that it would cause a row at home (quite rightly imo, but can see why he has taken the cowards way out and acted like he has)

He has handled it badly, no doubt. I would suggest he goes without his £30 spends this month and gives it to you. After all, you are using your personal money for kids entertainment, he should too! You are now only £20 down, which is do-able

But yes, he is being unreasonable regardless of the reason for doing it. He should be talking it through as a grown up and absolutely NO WAY should a day out for anyone come before the family food budget

Callie22

If the day out had been planned in advance then he should have planned it better! Cheap kids viewing at the cinema, sneak a couple of small bags of sweets in, then lunch out could have been a 'kids eat free' deal at Pizza Hut or the like. With some careful planning, he could have spent a lot less than he did. Equally there's lots of free/cheap things to do which are much more social than the cinema, and would have been a more memorable day out for him and his kids.

I don't think it's acceptable at all to just 'tell' your partner that you'll be contributing less to the household this month. This kind of thing should have been discussed in advance, so that both partners are aware of what needs to be paid, and how much there is left for 'extras'. I appreciate it's hard when there's 'two families', but you can't make one suffer to spoil the others - if there's limited cash then you have to be sensible. The OH in this case hasn't been.

Tiddlywinks

This one incident probably represents a much bigger problem.

In all honesty I think you need to look closely at your life together - do you really understand each other and know what makes you both tick? Do you want the same things?

I think you need some professional counselling to get to grips with the core issues and not just deal with this one thing.

Acc72

Ok, from the limited information given here is a different perspective.

We do not know anything about his relationship with his children, their ages, how often he sees them etc.

I am guessing that as he lives with you and your child together, that he sees his children from a previous relationship less frequently than he sees you or your child and that he just wants to spend some quality time and give them a special treat (he may only see them once every 2 weeks as opposed to every day?).

Were you involved in the day out ? - if not, is there a reason for this ?

I would hope that the children would all be treated as one integrated family.

I may have misunderstood your tone, but from your comments it looks as though you may be resentful of his previous life / partner / child and that you consider them his "old" family that is less important than his "new" family (i.e. you and your child).


Ps - before anybody gets excited, I am not having a go - I am just giving my opinion (as requested by the OP) based on the limited information given !

candygirl

You're not being unreasonable at all:mad:He needs to prioritise you and your child, as well as trying to overcompensate with his other 2 kids;)Otherwise your Daughter will see the other kids being treated better and resent it:(
Also tell him he needs to budget for things , not just have mad splurges at the detriment to you and your DD:(

BitterAndTwisted

Unreasonable? No, absolutely not! I think it's damned cheek to reduce his housekeeping contribution without discussing it with you first. I'd be ruddy furious. Make him suffer the consequences so he doesn't contemplate doing this to you again.

Acc72

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Unreasonable? No, absolutely not! I think it's damned cheek to reduce his housekeeping contribution without discussing it with you first. I'd be ruddy furious. Make him suffer the consequences so he doesn't contemplate doing this to you again.

Yikes ! - making such a comment based on the information given, you chose your user name well !!

BitterAndTwisted

Based on the information given I believe that my response was extremely temperate. What's your opinion and how would you deal with this situation?

CH27

On the information given it seems very unfair.

There seems to be an unfairness & lack of communication about your finances that you need to look at & work out how to make it fairer.

gravitytolls

flutterby_lil wrote: »

I don't think you are being unreasonable. He should have thought about your family budget and what he pays you before he spent the money on lunch and cinema!

I too would have been a bit resentful and upset.

Did he not discuss it with you before he went?

Can he not cut his spending for the rest of the month and still give you what he should?

Mmmm, and if it's going to be a costly treat, how come the whole family didn't go? For that sort of money, you could've all gone but not spent money on sweet treats.

Yes, I'd be furious.