Arghhh - any thoughts please!

boredmarriedwithkids

Lose the baggage and move on!

Too much to do so little time to enjoy........do it now!!!

Poodlecrazy

boredmarriedwithkids wrote: »

Lose the baggage and move on!

Too much to do so little time to enjoy........do it now!!!

I know what you're saying but until this stress period he has been perfect so I do feel I owe it to him and our relationship to ride this out to at least a certain extent, not forever obviously but to walk away because of one difficult period would seem a little OTT. I just want to navigate this period in the best possible way to a) give it a chance of getting through this difficult time and b) being stronger after and learning whatever lessons we need to.

x

CH27

Why are you living so far apart & how long will you be apart?

basketcase

candygirl wrote: »

I've been married twice too.Shall we start a damaged goods club?:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Sounds like a good idea to me! :beer:

Love the sig!

Poodlecrazy

CH27 wrote: »

Why are you living so far apart & how long will you be apart?

His work means he lives on site although he is likely to be moved a lot closer once the disciplinary is over, they won't move him till then. Don't think that helps as again he doesn't really know where he will be geographically until the work situation is sorted so another stress factor.

Pee

How you and he handle this situation will decide whether you are ready to commit to one another and support one another through the rest of your lives. Let's face it, none of us are great to be with when stressed, it's things like whether we remember to thank one another and show our love or whether we are entirely selfish, when unless it's major stresses or quite short lived, it's very hard to be tolerant.

Most of us weren't born yesterday and aren't in the first relationship of our lives. I have lots of exes who would tell you how really great I am and almost always reasonable, but they are still exes, which apparently means there is something wrong with me or them.

I don't like the fact you are living so far apart, although I guess there are the work related reasons.

Do you see the two of you being together forever? Do you think you'll be calming him down or joining in with his panic when your child has a rash? Do you think financially you can live together and suceed together without emancipating him? Could you cope if one day you are not the most successful or independent element of this relationship and statistically he is the one most likely to meet someone else or leave?

Would it make more sense to always call at say 9pm and avoid some of this texting?

Poodlecrazy

Thanks Pee a really helpful post! I'm trying to stay calm and rational after all it was only a text discussion (which I did my best to avoid as I really don't think it's an appropriate way to have a discussion but it just happened that way) and although a couple of teh messages were suggesting a 'break' but within 20 minutes he was asking me to wait and let him get things sorted and reassuring me that it will be ok when he's more himself etc so I'm trying not to get too wound up by a few shots that he probably didn't think about but as a woman I'll chew over it.

I do see us being together forever as aside from this issue we have been brilliant together and he is really getting it from every side, I'm not surprised he's snapped I think I would have too although in a different way. We intend to move in together as soon as he gets moved with work and he said just 2 days ago how he was really looking forward to that but again he has to wait for his work to sort his disciplinary and it is not in his control at all even down to where and when he goes which can't be a nice feeling.

Good question about how I would cope if I wasn't the succesful party and to be honest I have no idea and it makes me a bit nervous even thinking about it so thanks for really making me think about how he feels!! He has said things such as I have everything and he has nothing and he is nervous that if things don't work out he will be left in a difficult place in a way that I wouldn't.

I think my issue really needs to be how can I make him valued and to reassure without smothering him as clearly he needs time to sort some of the practical stresses out?

Bubby

Can I ask if he is actually divorced yet? If not then this could be why he is so confused/stressed?

Poodlecrazy

Bubby wrote: »

Can I ask if he is actually divorced yet? If not then this could be why he is so confused/stressed?

No he isn't actually divorced and yes that is adding to the financial stress and has regular quite aggressive communications with his ex. She has also attempted to lie to me about his actions (telling me he was with her when actually he was sat with me) etc so it all adds to it.

Much as I hate it I think my only option is to back right off and leave him to it and respond to contact but not initiate it, if his feelings are genuine then he will realise he is in danger of losing me and will be back to his normal self once the stresses are reduced and will build the bridges, if not then it's already over so really there isn't much I can do.

x:cool:

Emmzi

I agree. I don't think this situation is tricky at all. Generl life rule - ignore behavious you don't like. Thus drama conversations get a "I'm sorry that's upset you. What are we doing at the weekend?" or "Oh. Well, call back later when you're in a better mood."

Because you deserve to have nice things in your life and support has to be earned by reciprocation.