upset after wedding

marywooyeah

Happiest day of your life right? I got married on july 16th, and for months I was dreading it.
I am very fat (size 16) and not very pretty so was worried about my appearance - kept going up and down in weight despite my best efforts I found it really hard as I was at uni full time, working and having a young child an the housework but when the dress finally turned up (5 days before the wedding) I was relieved to find it looked kind of ok.

now I loved the ceremony and reception and felt that I looked nice, felt very relaxed, now having seen the photos a relative sent me I felt physically sick! all you can see is my big fat ugly belly showing in the dress and my ugly flabby arms all over the sides and a stupid grin on my chunky face. I can;t believe I looked so bad, everyone kept saying I looked nice now I feel they were just humouring me. I just wanted to look pretty for one day and I honestly tried so hard, I cut down on junk food loads and ate lots of fruit and veg and water and went to the gym working out hard 3 times a week, then 4 nights a week went for 3 mile walks and it was for nothing. I lost absolutely no weight, not even 1lb. I couldnt understand it.

Now I feel glad to be married but wish I had looked nicer, my OH has said we can have a blessing in a few years after I have lost weight (or hopefully been able to afford a gastric bypass) but I feel it won't be the same. I'm just upset that I missed out on the chance to be a beautiful bride and just needed to vent - obviously too late to do anything now

KK22_2

I'm so sorry that you feel so upset after looking at your photos. It may be that when you look at the photos you're only seeing the flaws you think you have because you know where to look.

I had a very similar experience years ago for a dance. I thought i actually looked nice in the dress but again when they were developed, it looked like all you could see was my spare tyre! Everyone assured me that you couldn't actually see that when i was in the dress and that it was actually the way that the photographs were taken that was unflattering, light, unnatural pose etc.

A size 16 is certainly in no way fat so please stop putting yourself down! It's such a shame that you are putting yourself under so much pressure to have looked in a different way when i'm sure that your hubby loved how you looked! Big hugs xxx

pbny24

Sorry you feel like this. I know I get some horror photos too that I want to be deleted! Everyone does!It could just be your relative caught some bad angles/light and that other guests may have pics you like more!
You said that you felt you looked nice and were relaxed with a big grin on your face- this is the main reason people were complimenting you... Because you looked so happy! A dress is just a dress and I'm sure you did look lovely in it..16 is not fat and gastric surgery is extreme at this size..ie not needed! But how happy you looked is what makes family gush..not just how you look in an outfit! If you are really upset over the photos maybe someone could edit the photos a bit for you. Don't get upset over this now- you had your lovely wedding which you said made you happy and it's the good memories that stick with people.. not photos.

Sambucus_Nigra

I'm usually quite a mean old fart but 16 is not 'very fat'. That is all.

pitkin2020

marywooyeah wrote: »

Happiest day of your life right? I got married on july 16th, and for months I was dreading it.
I am very fat (size 16) and not very pretty so was worried about my appearance - kept going up and down in weight despite my best efforts I found it really hard as I was at uni full time, working and having a young child an the housework but when the dress finally turned up (5 days before the wedding) I was relieved to find it looked kind of ok.

now I loved the ceremony and reception and felt that I looked nice, felt very relaxed, now having seen the photos a relative sent me I felt physically sick! all you can see is my big fat ugly belly showing in the dress and my ugly flabby arms all over the sides and a stupid grin on my chunky face. I can;t believe I looked so bad, everyone kept saying I looked nice now I feel they were just humouring me. I just wanted to look pretty for one day and I honestly tried so hard, I cut down on junk food loads and ate lots of fruit and veg and water and went to the gym working out hard 3 times a week, then 4 nights a week went for 3 mile walks and it was for nothing. I lost absolutely no weight, not even 1lb. I couldnt understand it.

Now I feel glad to be married but wish I had looked nicer, my OH has said we can have a blessing in a few years after I have lost weight (or hopefully been able to afford a gastric bypass) but I feel it won't be the same. I'm just upset that I missed out on the chance to be a beautiful bride and just needed to vent - obviously too late to do anything now

Did you have a pro photographer there for the day??

This is the problem with getting the "Uncle Dave" photographer with a DSLR, they aren't photographers. A good photographer will ensure the best angles and positions are used to make sure the photo is pleasing. Its all about composition not just pressing the shutter.

Having taken a lot of photos at a family wedding recently I was very selective in what I sent them after the wedding. The bride was slim but some of the shots I got gave the impression of a much larger figure, over hanging skin at the back of the dress when taken side on shots etc. Those I never passed over as they were unflattering.

Really I wouldn't worry about those pictures, if you have used a pro tog they will have much better pictures for you that will look 100 times better. IF you didn't use a pro tog for the day then go through all the pictures you have from else where, chuck the worst ones and keep the best ones. Don't let a naff photo but a bad memory on a great day you had!!

Debbiecatal

If it helps - Marilyn Monroe was a size 16 and she was lusted after by every heterosexual man on the planet! I haven't seen your photos but I bet they show a radiant, healthy, happy bride on the best day of her life, loving every minute of the day and feeling on top of the world. That is what people see when looking at the photos of the day.

Also you say that you didn't lose weight, but you did follow a keep fit routine, and you probably exchanged fat for muscle, which weighs more than fat, so you can look smaller and stay the same weight, so don't worry about what the scales say.

After a big event like a wedding you can have a very flat feeling once it's all over, and I would guess some of your feelings are because of this. Stop looking at the photos and instead, think about how you felt on the day, how you and everyone you loved and who loved you had such a great time, and relive the times in your head or with your friends and family to recapture the feelings of that wonderful day.

Please don't think you need surgery - I was a size 32 and I had a gastric band fitted to bring me down to your size now! It is not an easy procedure and has life long implications and difficulties - not to be chosen if there is any other option. Just carry on exercising and following a healthy diet and you will be at a size and weight that is natural, normal and healthy for you - whether that is size 8 or size 16, anyone in those ranges can be considered normal and healthy!

Hope you feel better about yourself soon

Debbie

ERICS_MUM

I've just read this through before hitting the button and it's too long - sorry.

What about having a photo portrait done by a professional photographer of just you and your brand-new hubby, all togged up in your wedding finery ?

A professional photographer will be able to use good lighting and get you to "pose" to best advantage. Some also have stylists to do your hair and make up for the maximum WOW !. You could then keep this as the wedding photo you frame and keep on display, and even have it made into cards for your thank-yous.

This is just an example:

http://www.buyagift.co.uk/Product/Id/1328/Name/Deluxe_Makeover_Experience_For_Two

More generally I've noticed that other people don't always see us as we see ourselves. I always "home in" on my lumps, bumps and wrinkles but other people just comment on my good skin, hair and nail polish ! Friends and family that love you won't notice or care, they'll just see the real you. People who do care about how you look aren't worth worrying about.

I know it sounds mad but when I've been stressed in the past I've actually put on weight even when I've not been eating properly and rushing round all over the place. Perhaps the same has happened to you ?

In a while you will move on from the despair you are in at the moment, but don't forget it - use it to "drive" a change your life style a bit so you can lose weight slowly and keep it off. Get hubby to walk with you, cook healthy meals for you all etc etc.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.


Linda xxx

Hollie84

ERICS_MUM wrote: »

More generally I've noticed that other people don't always see us as we see ourselves. I always "home in" on my lumps, bumps and wrinkles but other people just comment on my good skin, hair and nail polish ! Friends and family that love you won't notice or care, they'll just see the real you. People who do care about how you look aren't worth worrying about.


In a while you will move on from the despair you are in at the moment, but don't forget it - use it to "drive" a change your life style a bit so you can lose weight slowly and keep it off. Get hubby to walk with you, cook healthy meals for you all etc etc.

I echo this
I have days when i feel vile,my hair wont go right and i look lumpy and bumpy in certain clothes,im a size 10 which to some is nothing.im happy with my weight but we all have down days,i then take a moment and think of my sister who battles with her weight and skin problem and wonder why the hell im winging.

i also echo the photo shoot could be a nice thing for the two of you to do.
i wish you lots of luck with your weight loss,o and just another thing,i can diet for weeks and lose the smallest amount of weight E.G 1-2lb sometimes less yet i always lose inch's.measure yourself and weigh yourself and every 1-2 weeks weigh and meaure yourself again you may find you meaure less.the first week i was dieting/eating healthy i lost 7 inch's from all over.also some diet regimes suit one but not others so experiment,atleast 5 of my friends are doing slimming world and im amazed at how much weight they have lost
good luck
Hollie

Afitos

Hi Mary,

I don't post on here often now after getting married in April but do come and have a read. I just had to reply to you. A size 16 is not that big, do you have professional photos ?

You say you felt happy on your wedding day well that is all that matters. As for a 'grin' on your face, I feel like all my pictures are like that because I hate having my photo taken, but I know that on the day I was so happy and did enjoy it.

Try not to be too hard on yourself or you will spoil all your memories of your special day, and remember that your Husband loves you just the way you are .:)

January20

Don't beat yourself up about it. You said that a relative sent you those photos? I think many people do not look their best on photos taken by amateurs. Also, some people are not photogenic ie they look ok in real life but not on photos. I don't know why, but isn't that the reason they do screen test in the movie business? I'm not photogenic so I really understand how you feel. The camera loves some people and not other

And of course your mind is playing with you. You think you are fat, therefore you see yourself as fat on the photos. You are too hard on yourself.

At 16 you are NOT fat.

lawrie28

The important thing is the getting married. You found someone and they love you for who you are, no matter what you feel you look like.

If you want some more pics, then speak to a photographer and get you and the other half dressed up and get some proper portraits done. Yes, it's not quite the same, but it is amazing what a good photographer can do.

I you wanted to you can also strap yourself up underneath in Spanx and everyother kind of hold it in underwear that you couldn't wear for a day, but can for an hour or so. And you know when they will press the shutter, so you can suck insome more at the right time.

ANd you can ask the photographer to give the photo and full photoshop makeover to remove the lumps, bumps, blemishes etc...

But TBH, I am sure you looked great on your day, and your other half will tell you the same. Everyone at the wedding knows you, and so they are now thinking about all the little things that you do, they just thought you looked beautiful.

do what you want to do about your weight to feel good and to be healthy. Don't think about it being a diet, think about it as being a lifestyle. Work out exactly what it is you enjoy doing as exercise - whether that is a team sport, the gym, running, sex, cycling, swimming, badminton with the other half etc. as exercise is a great way to start being healthy. THen with the food side of things, try to eat regular meals that fill you up but aren't loaded with the bad stuff, don't snack, don't eat after 8 in the evening and find someone to get support from - its easier to do this if you have a buddy to help and give you support. And don't as food as good or bad, just look at the calories and work out how long it will take you to work it off - a packet of crisp = 1/2 hours jog (no idea if this is right!) and then think of it that way. THen if you wanna do half an hours jog, then eat the crisps.

But the thing is, you need to be happy inside, your not fat, you average size, and you just need to worry about being healthy. If you want to lose weight then great, but its not the end of the world, and it is not how your friends and family who love you will see you at all.

HTH.