ex suddenly wants to exercise his rights!

pigpen

He cannot tell you which school she should or shouldn't attend so long as she is doing well no solicitor would take a blind bit of notice. Nor which church you go to.. With your agreement he can adjust the days he has her so he can take her to a catholic church

I would have thought it common courtesy to let him know when and where you were taking her on holiday you would want to know if he took her I am sure.. there is another thread on this subject running now.. might be worth a read.

I think the fact DD wants to call OH 'dad' shows her feelings towards him.. however it must be a bit unpleasant for her dad.. how would you feel if she wanted to call his gf 'mum'??

It may last.. you never know.. rekindled interest is fairly common once the child gets more independant and requires less time and energy to look after.

mummymoo_2

Thanks again for all your wise words. I just get scared that he will try and take her away (which I know he can't unless I am an unfit mother, which I am not), or will cause problems for her - but you are all correct - I shouldn't try to protect her. I have encouraged her to call OH daddyM (when she calls him daddy), but she choses to call him daddy (not all the time, normally if she has been naughty!) and her father daddyT.

If he wants her overnight (which he is indicating he does), is it acceptable to want to see where she will be staying (not paranoid, just past properties have been unfit for a child)? Oh and I am not being selfish, I would LOVE a lie in! but want her to be safe and happy.

thanks again

tea-tart-and-rice_3

I can't just read and run following your last post. Has your ex ever suggested that he would take your DD away and you wouldn't see her again? Overnight contact? Both these issues are way into the future as I see it, even just a few hours good contact needs to be re-established first.

It would be helpful to know if you were married to your ex or registered your DD birth together if you were not, also when he last had any kind of contact at all, either direct or indirect (i.e. birthday cards, telephone, letters). Does he had a violent or erratic history with either you or DD?

I really do think OP that Monday morning you are going to have to seek the advice of CAB for a family law firm recommendation and get yourself an appointment pronto.

In the meantime if you are being pressured by your ex for answers then I would perhaps suggest that you tell him you are seeking legal advice and suggest he does the same and ask him to make some kind of indirect contact, maybe send DD a short child-friendly letter or a short telephone call to try and re-establish a relationship.

Do check out the direct gov site for parents rights OP, its important that you know whats what. You must get legal support, ok!

FBaby

mummymoo wrote: »

I have encouraged her to call OH daddyM (when she calls him daddy), but she choses to call him daddy (not all the time, normally if she has been naughty!) and her father daddyT

I totally disagree with this. Your partner is not her daddy end of it. By encouraging her to use the word 'daddy' with initials is no better, it is still putting your partner in the same position than her father and that is not right. Yes, your partner might be better father material, but the bottom line is that you had a child with your ex, he is her only dad, not the one you wish he'd become, but still the ONE.

You should of course encourage the relation between your partner and your daughter but not as a daughter-father one. You should be explaining to your daughter why it is not appropriate to be calling your partner daddyX, that it is ok to love him and let her know that he loves her back, but make it clear she has only one daddy. If things don't materialise between her and her father, she can make the informal choice when she is older to treat your partner as her dad.

I've just noticed that your partner is 'new'. That with the fact that her father has been in her life if not consistently at least throughout it, I strongly believe that this is the wrong thing to do.

mummymoo_2

FBaby wrote: »

I totally disagree with this. Your partner is not her daddy end of it. By encouraging her to use the word 'daddy' with initials is no better, it is still putting your partner in the same position than her father and that is not right. Yes, your partner might be better father material, but the bottom line is that you had a child with your ex, he is her only dad, not the one you wish he'd become, but still the ONE.

You should of course encourage the relation between your partner and your daughter but not as a daughter-father one. You should be explaining to your daughter why it is not appropriate to be calling your partner daddyX, that it is ok to love him and let her know that he loves her back, but make it clear she has only one daddy. If things don't materialise between her and her father, she can make the informal choice when she is older to treat your partner as her dad.

I've just noticed that your partner is 'new'. That with the fact that her father has been in her life if not consistently at least throughout it, I strongly believe that this is the wrong thing to do.

Thanks for your reply - I guess I put encouraged in the wrong place - what I meant was, when she calls him daddy - i explain that it is her choice but maybe using daddyM would be better if she wants to use daddy.

However, OH may be new but he is wonderful and amazing and apart from genetics is her day to day father figure, treats her as his own, and I feel she should call him what she wants. He cares for her and has done more for her than her "real" father ever has. I have no objection to her calling someone else mummy (if it is done in a similar manner - not forced) as it means she is happy and content.

Got to go out now, so won't be able to reply for a while, but thank you all for helping

DUTR

FBaby wrote: »

I totally disagree with this. Your partner is not her daddy end of it. By encouraging her to use the word 'daddy' with initials is no better, it is still putting your partner in the same position than her father and that is not right. Yes, your partner might be better father material, but the bottom line is that you had a child with your ex, he is her only dad, not the one you wish he'd become, but still the ONE.

You should of course encourage the relation between your partner and your daughter but not as a daughter-father one. You should be explaining to your daughter why it is not appropriate to be calling your partner daddyX, that it is ok to love him and let her know that he loves her back, but make it clear she has only one daddy. If things don't materialise between her and her father, she can make the informal choice when she is older to treat your partner as her dad.

I've just noticed that your partner is 'new'. That with the fact that her father has been in her life if not consistently at least throughout it, I strongly believe that this is the wrong thing to do.

You tell the OP Fbaby :j

purplepardalis

My OH was so hurt and upset when his kids were encouraged to call their step dad 'Daddy'. And quite honestly, it has only confused things.

I can imagine that if I told them they should call me 'Mummy' WW3 would start! Even if the ex didn't care, I wouldn't do it anyway. I am a parent and love them very much, but I'm not their Mum.

CH27

I think you need to see a family law solicitor.

Contact needs to be short & sweet at first & built up slowly to more as your daughter feels comfortable.

3v3

mummymoo wrote: »

Thanks for your reply - I guess I put encouraged in the wrong place - what I meant was, when she calls him daddy - i explain that it is her choice but maybe using daddyM would be better if she wants to use daddy.

However, OH may be new but he is wonderful and amazing and apart from genetics is her day to day father figure, treats her as his own, and I feel she should call him what she wants. He cares for her and has done more for her than her "real" father ever has. I have no objection to her calling someone else mummy (if it is done in a similar manner - not forced) as it means she is happy and content.

Got to go out now, so won't be able to reply for a while, but thank you all for helping

She's five years old! So, no, calling someone you choose as your partner "Daddy" really isn't her decision at all.

Your OH may well be wonderful to her, amazing and treat her as his own but if you want him to be the father of your children, go ahead and have one together, but please do not confuse your daughter, undermine her real father and "pretend" the three of you are one happy self-contained little unit.

Sometimes I marvel at how quickly women want their children to view the new men in their lives as the "happy ever after" fairytale "Daddy". In the short-term, yes, may seem like a wonderful idea ... but that neglects the longer term confusions/emotions this can produce. You loved your daughter's father enough, at one point at least, to have his child - at least give your daughter the one "choice" she really is entitled to: that is, to get to know her own father and make up her own mind about him as she grows. You may not like him very much anymore but your daughter is made up of 50% of him too.

DUTR

3v3 wrote: »

She's five years old! So, no, calling someone you choose as your partner "Daddy" really isn't her decision at all.

Your OH may well be wonderful to her, amazing and treat her as his own but if you want him to be the father of your children, go ahead and have one together, but please do not confuse your daughter, undermine her real father and "pretend" the three of you are one happy self-contained little unit.

Sometimes I marvel at how quickly women want their children to view the new men in their lives as the "happy ever after" fairytale "Daddy". In the short-term, yes, may seem like a wonderful idea ... but that neglects the longer term confusions/emotions this can produce. You loved your daughter's father enough, at one point at least, to have his child - at least give your daughter the one "choice" she really is entitled to: that is, to get to know her own father and make up her own mind about him as she grows. You may not like him very much anymore but your daughter is made up of 50% of him too.

You tell em 3v3 :j