Should the man always pay for the engagement ring?!

catkins

katiecoodle wrote: »

I personally think that this kind of thing will set the tone for the whole marriage - I mean, if you end up paying for half of your engagement ring (which ought to be really a gift from him to you, it signifies that you're "off the market" and committed to him) then look fowards & you'll find this behaviour will be replicated throughout the relationship. if you're happy with that, then that's fine.

My mother just accepted an engagement ring from her fiance that he'd bought for his previous fiancee.....:eek:
must be lovely to be so cherished...NOT

Another old fashioned view. What sort of "tone" as you put it will carry on through the marriage?

onlyroz

Been reading some interesting stuff on wikipedia (which never lies) on how the law stands if the engagement fails, i.e. does the woman have to give the ring back (apparently you do in the US, but not in the UK). Would bring up some interesting legalities if the woman had paid for the ring...

happy35

i have a friend who paid towards her own engagement ring, she picked one he couldnt afford it so she paid the extra so she could have one of her choice. They have been engaged for 15 years and married for 12 so it hasnt had a detrimental effect on their relationship

Another friend has a cheap cubic zirconia ring from Argos as her engagement ring, she got engaged 20 years ago when they were 16 and this is what they could afford. The ring is still being worn and she still loves it as it is the first present he ever bought her

I think it is what suits your relationship, I dont think it really matters who pays for it as long as it is what you both want

scooby088

Why is it that the woman gets a engagement ring and not the man? Always wondered about that, tradition i think a tradition that i think that needs updating.

janninew

I know its not a 'PC' view to have in this day and age, especially as I do consider myself to be quite a modern, independant women, but if my partner asked me to pay for half my engagement ring I would be disappointed! If the man can't afford that much, just shop around and get what you can afford, it shouldn't be the price of the ring that matters.

Also when I got engaged to my now hubby, I did buy him a ring, we called it a commitment ring and he wore until we got married and it was then replaced with his wedding ring.

I have quite traditional views though, babies come after marriage etc! As long as something works for you as a couple it really doesn't matter what anybody else thinks.

euronorris

scooby088 wrote: »

Why is it that the woman gets a engagement ring and not the man? Always wondered about that, tradition i think a tradition that i think that needs updating.

Because it is a symbol of ownership from days gone by when a woman would be considered the posession of a man.

There is no reason why you can't have an engagement ring too. My BIL has one, and still wears it with his wedding ring.

must_try_harder_2

I told my DH if I was expected to wear an engagement ring then so was he. My Dad had an engagement ring and I don't see why the woman should get one and not the guy. In fact I think my DHs engagement ring cost more than mine did!

If your BF earned significantly less than you I would say go ahead and buy it. But he only earns a tiny bit less so are you sure he can't afford it?

Fly_Baby

catkins wrote: »

What an oldfashioned view. We did not get engaged as I don't see the point and am not into jewellery. We got married 5 months after meeting because we loved each other. If however we had decided to buy an engagement ring I would not have expected my OH to pay all of it.

As we chose not to have children maybe it is just as well I did not want a ring according to your views

I see no reason why the OP would regret it in the future. If she loves her future OH and they share finances what is the problem?

You are right, I am quite old-fashioned when it comes to courtship. I have no problem sharing finances and earning my own money though. And having or not having kids doesn't come into the equasion, in my view. You didn't get engaged, by your admission - the engagement ring doesn't even figure in your situation then so how can you give it as an example in OP's case?

I wonder if Kate Middleton was asked to chip in for her engagement ring? She (or her parents) could certainly afford it.

Fly_Baby

catkins wrote: »

Another old fashioned view.

You seem to have a thing against "old fashioned" - whereas it is as valid an approach as "new fashioned".

Plans_all_plans

There's no way I'd pay towards my engagement ring.

I might compromise on the quality of it if he couldn't afford it, but I wouldn't put any money towards it.