Impending Separation

minxy79

NickyBat wrote: »

It really depends on what your health problems are and how severe they are.

You said you applied for disability, do you mean DLA?

Unless you can give more in depth info, it sounds like jobseekers allowance income based will be the way to go, but if you are quite ill you MAY be able to claim employment support allowance.

You can also contact the child tax credits too if you have children.

Yes I meant DLA

minxy79

NickyBat wrote: »

Are you serious with these comments?

How about looking at it from the OP's point of view.

She is not in the best of health, has a lazy husband, who does nothing to involve himself with THEIR (not just her) children, and believes it is not in his remit to help out in the house.

Not to mention the fact money is tight so he takes himself off down the pub!!!

So is that not hassle for her too, but has she decided to opt out!!!

What exactly is she getting out of the marriage?

Thanks for your support.
I've put up with so much over the years but I've carried on for the sake of my sons. At times it felt like I had a third child to look after because he behaved like a spoilt brat.

minxy79

richardw wrote: »

What does he do with your sons?

Virtually nothing. It was alright all the while they were young enough to dictate to but now they are teenagers and have lives of their own he doesn't seem to show any interest.

minxy79

mizzbiz wrote: »

Agree with Tod in a way. He goes out to work to support the entire family then gets it in the neck when he wants a pint to relax. I'm female BTW but I can see that, from whatthe OP has said thus far, he has been ground down by constant nagging. To stay this long then just to move out but not be persuaded to stay means he's had enough. If he's working full time and you, OP, are not bringing anything, could it not have been possible to compromise on who is responsible for what?

He sounds like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders TBH.

What a load of rubbish. I do not nag him.Where have you got this from? I may not bring in anything due to ill health but I do everything else.I agree he should have compromised and taken more responsibility.

minxy79

make_me_wise wrote: »

I agree with mizzbizz. In the opening lines of your post OP you state that all he does is work all the time. Presumably you are at home all the time. Why cant you spend some of the day doing the little chores? He probably resents that you expect him to do the lot and has had enough. Most people would feel that way after a while.

What are you on about. He only works 30hours a week- hardly 'all the time@ as you put it. I do everything about the house. That is my complaint. Can't you read?

soccermom

minxy79 wrote: »

Virtually nothing. It was alright all the while they were young enough to dictate to but now they are teenagers and have lives of their own he doesn't seem to show any interest.

When you say virtually that implies there is something.

My hubby is not the most hands on father in the world, but he works extremely hard to support our 3 sons and loves to watch them play football and shows his support that way.

Now they are well into their teens he doesn't really get involved in their lives apart from this and he can't show his love for them as I know thats just not in him, but I know he loves them and would do what it takes for them to survive and be happy.

I was a bit like you in expecting him to be more visible with his actions but I realise there comes a point where you have to expect that they show their love differently and accept it.

I never did understand why men are expected to do all the little jobs round the house. My nanas OH died when she was quite young and she was knocking down walls and putting up steel joists in her 70's and she had a heart condition. Marvellous woman.

Maybe all the pressure at home is the reason he is working so hard.


I wish you all the luck with goiing forward and don't be too hard on each other as long as you can show love and participate for the both of you the kids wont really notice.

soccermom

minxy79 wrote: »

What are you on about. He only works 30hours a week- hardly 'all the time@ as you put it. I do everything about the house. That is my complaint. Can't you read?

Ah but you didn't say I think we all assumed when you said all he wants to do is work that it was a lot of hours:o

amani_2

tod123 wrote: »

Nicky, men are mainly simple creatures , if you feed and service them, they will put up with nagging , quite a lot of nagging.

If its just nagging, then thats when issues start to come up.

You may not like this factual comment, but it is what it is.

That gave me a giggle, but it is so true.

G51shopaholic

I think you summed it up when you said you didn't want him to leave as your youngst was still at school - you never mentioned how YOU felt about it.
Let him go, see how long he lasts when he has to cook and clean for himself.

Please do something for yourself to get you out the house. I know you said you are ill but you need "me time". Being stuck indoors is depressing - I know. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2008 but it wasn't foiund till it hit my lungs leaving me with major mobility problems (lungs can't absorb enough oxygen).

Despite the problems I try and get out the house as much as possible, even just to drive in my car somewhere and enjoy the view.

Another point - do your sons help around the house? If not then they need a wake up call as well.

Seems to me that you have been the cook, cleaner & housemaid long enough!

VfM4meplse

Sorry to hear of your predicament, there'e been some good practical advice on this board. It may seem hard now, but I honestly believe you are better off without him.

minxy79 wrote: »

supect that his medication could be something to do with his odd behaviour.

PM me if you want a professional opinion.

tod123 wrote: »

not providing much in the bedroom department?

tod123 wrote: »

men are mainly simple creatures , if you feed and service them, they will put up with nagging

Unfortunately you are so right. The OP's OH sounds like a lazy piece of work, who should go to the effort of servicing himself from now on. A husband's responsibilities do not start and end with paying the bills.