Impending Separation

minxy79

Really concerned about signing on as due to ill health there are very few jobs that I could do and don't think I would be able to work full time.

minxy79

Any advice please?

NickyBat

It really depends on what your health problems are and how severe they are.

You said you applied for disability, do you mean DLA?

Unless you can give more in depth info, it sounds like jobseekers allowance income based will be the way to go, but if you are quite ill you MAY be able to claim employment support allowance.

You can also contact the child tax credits too if you have children.

ramblinghaggis

Hi Minxy.

My husband and I separated last week. Is your husband absolutely certain he wants to go? Would he consider relate at all? The first thing I did was contact Citizens advice, explained everything to them and they told me what I needed to claim and so on. They also offered to put me in touch with a child maintenance officer, which I refused as in my case, its an amicable split and we will be sorting that side of things out ourselves. I would make this your first step, or phoning job centre plus and asking for a benefits check.

In regard to the children, I disagree with making him tell the children. Whether it was his decision or not, what is most important is that your children hear it from you both and know that you are both going to be there for them. I would sit down with him and agree what you are both going to say. My children do not know yet as my ex husband is still living here until a fornights time. They are young, eldest is 6, so I expect they will take it in their stride.

Big hugs to you, its a very hard, stressful time. I wish you all the best xx

tod123

Are you nagging him about doing chores and getting involved with the family, and on the other hand , due to your ill health, not providing much in the bedroom department?

I ask because chaps do weigh things up in terms of hassle, and he may have come to the conclusion that its hassle with no upside.

NickyBat

tod123 wrote: »

Are you nagging him about doing chores and getting involved with the family, and on the other hand , due to your ill health, not providing much in the bedroom department?

I ask because chaps do weigh things up in terms of hassle, and he may have come to the conclusion that its hassle with no upside.

Are you serious with these comments?

How about looking at it from the OP's point of view.

She is not in the best of health, has a lazy husband, who does nothing to involve himself with THEIR (not just her) children, and believes it is not in his remit to help out in the house.

Not to mention the fact money is tight so he takes himself off down the pub!!!

So is that not hassle for her too, but has she decided to opt out!!!

What exactly is she getting out of the marriage?

tod123

Nicky, men are mainly simple creatures , if you feed and service them, they will put up with nagging , quite a lot of nagging.

If its just nagging, then thats when issues start to come up.

You may not like this factual comment, but it is what it is.

richardw

What does he do with your sons?

mizzbiz

Agree with Tod in a way. He goes out to work to support the entire family then gets it in the neck when he wants a pint to relax. I'm female BTW but I can see that, from whatthe OP has said thus far, he has been ground down by constant nagging. To stay this long then just to move out but not be persuaded to stay means he's had enough. If he's working full time and you, OP, are not bringing anything, could it not have been possible to compromise on who is responsible for what?

He sounds like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders TBH.

make_me_wise

I agree with mizzbizz. In the opening lines of your post OP you state that all he does is work all the time. Presumably you are at home all the time. Why cant you spend some of the day doing the little chores? He probably resents that you expect him to do the lot and has had enough. Most people would feel that way after a while.