Nice people thread part 4 - sugar and spice and all things

neverdespairgirl

PasturesNew wrote: »

Do you all live in areas that still have grammar schools? Where I grew up they were abolished in about 1973-74... it's weird when you guys mention grammar schools.

They still have them in Kent, but not in SE London, where I grew up.

I'm 48% tight. I don't see myself as particularly mean, though!

SingleSue

Mum was pretty ambivalent about our education too, mainly because she had never done quite so well at school...dad was the brains. When she used to write to him when he was on the ships, he would write back enclosing her letters and the corrected spelling mistakes!

That said, it was thanks to mum that I had such a good start to my school life, my brother had so many problems with adding up and spelling that she got him flash cards...he took no notice but a 2 year old me, soaked it up like a sponge.

Sad thing is since dad's strokes, I am the one correcting his spelling on any official letters. In fact now, he just gives everything to me to do as he finds it difficult to put anything together in written form....so sad bearing in mind he was an excellent story writer and poet, so good, he was published.

neverdespairgirl

michaels wrote: »

And no one had that precosiousness / I am better than other people sense that some seem to think is the 'benefit' of a private edcuation.

Sorry Michaels, I'm completely with Lydia on this one, where she said:

It's true that they do gain confidence. Someone referred to it as an ability to talk to adults as equals, and that's part of it. They learn to behave well - good manners etc - which gives them the security of knowing that they know what to do and how to behave. More than that, a private education at its best can give young people an almost unbounded "I can do whatever I set my mind to" atttitude. But it's not comparative. There's no element of "I can do anything and other people can't." It's more "Anything's possible. I'm going for it; who's coming with me?"

neverdespairgirl

SingleSue wrote: »

I must admit I find it frustrating to hear parents and children being anti education, one of the reasons I took a slight dislike to one of James' girlfriends was because of the way she talked about her disrespect of teachers and her education.

I once met, in Leeds, a woman who was from the same large village / small town as my then flatmate, and one of my best friends. Her parents ran a chippy, and she was the first in her family to stay at school a minute longer than legally necessary. We met at UCL, at debating society. She was studying medicine.

I asked this woman if she knew my mate, and she sniffed, and said, "Yes, the girl from the chippy who got all above herself and went off to university".

That's a depressing attitude.

zagubov

Here's a weird thought- I may well pass another NP in my travels today and I'm going to meet someone who probably knows that same NP!

PasturesNew

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Sorry Michaels, I'm completely with Lydia on this one, where she said:

It's true that they do gain confidence. Someone referred to it as an ability to talk to adults as equals, and that's part of it. They learn to behave well - good manners etc - which gives them the security of knowing that they know what to do and how to behave. More than that, a private education at its best can give young people an almost unbounded "I can do whatever I set my mind to" atttitude. But it's not comparative. There's no element of "I can do anything and other people can't." It's more "Anything's possible. I'm going for it; who's coming with me?"

I was brought up to fear adults. I still can't talk to adults, they still scare me. Adults, bosses, teachers - fear of god.

I was brought up to think that nothing's really possible and I'd only fail if I tried and it's a ridiculous idea *rolls eyes* and if I didn't get it out of my head I'd be thrown out on the streets and disowned.

Retrospectively, I should have opted for that one.

It's not just parents who beat kids that are bad .... it's those that emotionally/mentally crush you too.

John_Pierpoint

lostinrates wrote: »

all my critters apart from two chooks and the horses are grumpy. The hunt is coming past at somepoint today, so tried to keep the birds in (two slipped out) and have had to lock the horses out and take their clothes off. Typically its peeing down, the grass where the horses are will be trashed and I'll have to keep them in for a couple of hours tonight (which will make them grumpy) in order to get them dry enough to clean the worst mud off and put rugs back on. (In fact special girl and old girl have light weight rugs on, so they won't be as dirty but will be dripping with sweat.)

I am surrounded by horses but don't know much about them, as my then bankrupt neighbour once said:
"....what do you want one of those for? - it will cost you more than a wife!"

However in my time, the surrounding "pasture" has changed from naked starving, pregnant brood mares, to female owned horse flesh, all wearing macs.

Why do horses wear macs? Why do they need to have them taken off when a load of visitors, with dogs, jump over the hedge? [I do get the occasional hunters with two barrels but not hunters riding on hunters].

vivatifosi wrote: »

They were abolished in Hertfordshire too. Yet bizarrely some towns still have them. I went to a plain old poorly performing comprehensive. It is still a plain old poorly performing comprehensive now, even though all of the staff and the catchment have completely changed.

Have I noted a tendency amongst some boys to emerge from the paid for schooling system, without the motivation born of childhood deprivation? The opposite of what one finds amongst "Asian" migrant children?

I am sure that is not what their parents thought they were buying.

PasturesNew

There was an article in a newspaper magazine some time in the past 1-2 years that looked at the total cost of ownership of pets from a budgie up to a horse, then put it down as a yearly figure. Horses worked out at about £12,000/year each.

John_Pierpoint

Yes I guess £12k is a bit more than minimum wage.

I don't think one can buy much "household management" for £12K per year.:D

As we have discussed before, personal care of the elderly, comes out at more like double that; not to mention the "fees" creamed off by agencies to keep the arrangements within the employment/tax legislation of this land.

vivatifosi

PasturesNew wrote: »

Had some time over this week to discuss our upbringing with the sibs.... it appears mother was a bone idle bad mother. We never had breakfast, for example, she was still in bed until long after we'd left for school; nothing was ever encouraged/supported; there was no space to do homework as we only had a coal fire and table in one room and that was "the room", so everything else was going on there (like eating tea on the table). It's a wonder we weren't taken away, although I know at one point I nearly was.

PasturesNew wrote: »

I was brought up to fear adults. I still can't talk to adults, they still scare me. Adults, bosses, teachers - fear of god.

I was brought up to think that nothing's really possible and I'd only fail if I tried and it's a ridiculous idea *rolls eyes* and if I didn't get it out of my head I'd be thrown out on the streets and disowned.

Retrospectively, I should have opted for that one.

It's not just parents who beat kids that are bad .... it's those that emotionally/mentally crush you too.

This pair of posts has really saddened me Pastures and I'm sure a lot of the other NPs too. In terms of the first one, it just highlights even more what a fantastic daughter you have been to your Mum and the great job you did, both before your Dad died and in terms of "functional caring" as you put it more recently.

Obviously none of us here can do anything to redress the damage that has already been done in terms of your self-worth, but can I please say I have always found you quite remarkable and wonderful. For sure you are quirky in your own way (I think we all are here and that's part of what binds us together). I couldn't wish more than for you to get the job you deserve and end up to realise what you could do given the opportunities. It's such a shame none of us are down there and can help out. But please, please, please, don't think nothing's possible because you really are amazing.