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Nice people thread part 4 - sugar and spice and all things

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Comments

  • GDB2222
    GDB2222 Posts: 26,492 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    You lucky people, being able to remember how much teaching time you had for your A levels.
    No reliance should be placed on the above! Absolutely none, do you hear?
  • silvercar
    silvercar Posts: 49,934 Ambassador
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Academoney Grad Name Dropper
    Added a pic of our nearly-ready bed in another place.

    Wow!

    Ceiling looks low! I'd worry you'd sit up in bed and bang your head.

    Can you stand on the bed? My kids used to use our bed as trampoline.
    I'm a Forum Ambassador on the housing, mortgages & student money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.
  • silvercar
    silvercar Posts: 49,934 Ambassador
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Academoney Grad Name Dropper
    GDB2222 wrote: »
    You lucky people, being able to remember how much teaching time you had for your A levels.

    I remember we used to have double lessons for A levels, so that would be 1hr 10 mins or 1 hr 20 mins.

    I think we had each subject 4 days out of 5. So that would be about 5 hours per subject per week.
    I'm a Forum Ambassador on the housing, mortgages & student money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.
  • LydiaJ
    LydiaJ Posts: 8,083 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    Tonight DS asked me why I'd kept late-nearly-ex's surname, "even though he didn't love you any more and he was divorcing you, Mum". I told him the truth (although I wonder if perhaps I should have found some other response). I said if it was just me I'd have reverted to my own name, but since he and DD are "J", I'm sticking with J for the time being so we can all be the same, because getting my own name back isn't as important to me as doing what's most helpful for them. He said he didn't want to be J any more - because he's angry about the divorce, and because he said "Dad was way meaner than you."

    He asked lots of questions (most of which I wasn't sure of the answers to) about the legality of changing his name. I told him it was a big deal, and I certainly wouldn't let him make such a decision in a hurry, but if after several months he was still sure it was what he wanted, then I'd look into it for him. Then he went very quiet for a bit. After that he asked questions about how I thought his dad would feel about it (if in heaven and aware of DS's decision) and how I thought his dad's parents would feel about it, saying he thought they'd be devastated. He worried about the Js dying out and was relieved to be told that late-nearly-ex's dad's brother has a son to carry the name on. He ended by asking if I would tell late-nearly-ex's parents for him, if he goes through with it.

    I feel quite unsettled by it. It's true that I don't feel any attachment to the J name, and would rather have my own name back, except that I want to continue having the same name as DS and DD. But I really don't want to hurt late-nearly-ex's parents (although I would do whatever it takes to help DS and DD through their bereavement whether it hurts late-nearly-ex's parents or not). Also, while taking my own name back myself feels like something I have the right to do if I choose, I don't feel so comfortable about DS and DD abandoning their father's surname. He did love them, and he was committed to them, and he did try a lot harder than most absent fathers to stay involved with their lives. It feels it would be unfair to dismiss that by removing his name from them, although (unlike DS) I am not troubled by any doubts that he is beyond being hurt by it now.

    Meanwhile, for the last several months, DD has just unofficially adopted my maiden name as an extra middle name (sometimes on its own and sometimes with 4 or 5 somewhat fanciful girly names). True to form, DS is tortuously wrestling with deep issues, while DD is skating merrily over the surface without letting any of the details bog her down.
    Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
    Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
    Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.
    :)
  • lostinrates
    lostinrates Posts: 55,283 Forumite
    I've been Money Tipped!
    LydiaJ wrote: »
    NDG - if you did 6.5 teaching hours plus 10 study hours per subject per week in upper sixth, that's nearly 50 hours a week, assuming 3 subects and no extras. That seems a huge amount for a young person who should also have time to play sport, learn a musical instrument and/or be in the school play, as well as eating, sleeping and having some time to relax.


    I was v. slack about a levels in some ways...as I'd discovered life as an ''adult'' in a big way, but I did mine in one year so I'm certain I put nothing like the dedication NDG did...I also maintained my out side interests prior to boys at much the same rate and worked every evening I wasn't out.:o
  • lostinrates
    lostinrates Posts: 55,283 Forumite
    I've been Money Tipped!
    where I walk my dogs most is absolutely covered with litter this morning, fireworks, food, used sanitary protection and used condoms. Yuck, yuck yuck. Talking to other dog walkers, and the chaps from the council who arrived to clean up (they clean up every monday morning, but this is something else) its like this every weekend after bonfire night every year. The council men told me they'll have it done within 16-24 hours man hour time (there are two of them but they were going to call for another team they thought.) Wouldn't it be cheaper and better to have a police patrol car (its on the edge of a town and about 15-20 mins from county police headquarters where lots of the patrol cars for the area originate from, so could be on route/detour to/from else where) call up and look ominous for five minutes every hour?
  • JonnyBravo
    JonnyBravo Posts: 4,103 Forumite
    Mortgage-free Glee!
    Wouldn't it be cheaper and better to have a police patrol car (its on the edge of a town and about 15-20 mins from county police headquarters where lots of the patrol cars for the area originate from, so could be on route/detour to/from else where) call up and look ominous for five minutes every hour?

    You want the council and the police to talk to each other?
    Ye gods!
    Whatever next? Monkey butlers?
  • silvercar
    silvercar Posts: 49,934 Ambassador
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Academoney Grad Name Dropper
    I feel quite unsettled by it. It's true that I don't feel any attachment to the J name, and would rather have my own name back, except that I want to continue having the same name as DS and DD. But I really don't want to hurt late-nearly-ex's parents (although I would do whatever it takes to help DS and DD through their bereavement whether it hurts late-nearly-ex's parents or not). Also, while taking my own name back myself feels like something I have the right to do if I choose, I don't feel so comfortable about DS and DD abandoning their father's surname. He did love them, and he was committed to them, and he did try a lot harder than most absent fathers to stay involved with their lives. It feels it would be unfair to dismiss that by removing his name from them, although (unlike DS) I am not troubled by any doubts that he is beyond being hurt by it now.

    The problem is that once changed, DS can't really go back and pick your name up again.

    My inclination would be to tell him that he needs to wait until he is 18.

    Given that you had changed your name before he was born, L-N-E's name is really the family name and to change it just because L-N-E isn't here to object or offer an opinion seems unfair. Maybe this whole conversation is his way of asking you if his father still loved him and if his father would still be involved in his life if he were alive? Could he be wanting you to dismiss it out of hand?

    Another problem DD would not want a different name to you, so she would have to change, something she may regret later.

    Being really old fashioned, there was a girl in school with me that changed her name every time her mother moved a new man into her home. Name changing has certain connotations....
    I'm a Forum Ambassador on the housing, mortgages & student money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.
  • lostinrates
    lostinrates Posts: 55,283 Forumite
    I've been Money Tipped!
    LydiaJ wrote: »
    Meanwhile, for the last several months, DD has just unofficially adopted my maiden name as an extra middle name (sometimes on its own and sometimes with 4 or 5 somewhat fanciful girly names). True to form, DS is tortuously wrestling with deep issues, while DD is skating merrily over the surface without letting any of the details bog her down.


    Perhaps thats a compromise to suggest to DS if this still concerns him over time. To use one of the surnames as a middle name or to use both together for a surname.

    Names are deeply personal, and we are a bit blase about them I think. In my maternal family almost all have used middle names or new names or nick names in adult hood. My mother has just changed her name officially again...new period of life, clean name. tbh, for me, I prefer to keep my official birth names and use them for official things. I still have a maiden name bank acc, but more out of laziness than anything else, I used to get the odd cheque in my maiden names, but they have dwindled to almost nothing now, so...nothing stops me from changing to the only surname I use now.

    As women we often have more choice in this. Some good friends of mine took both family names on marriage, because she was from a family of girls (all married already) and her dad had just died., they wanted the same name, but also had used their own names ''professionally'' and being known is half of their game. Its worked well for them..they are both happy.
  • Generali
    Generali Posts: 36,411 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Perhaps thats a compromise to suggest to DS if this still concerns him over time. To use one of the surnames as a middle name or to use both together for a surname.

    Names are deeply personal, and we are a bit blase about them I think. In my maternal family almost all have used middle names or new names or nick names in adult hood. My mother has just changed her name officially again...new period of life, clean name. tbh, for me, I prefer to keep my official birth names and use them for official things. I still have a maiden name bank acc, but more out of laziness than anything else, I used to get the odd cheque in my maiden names, but they have dwindled to almost nothing now, so...nothing stops me from changing to the only surname I use now.

    As women we often have more choice in this. Some good friends of mine took both family names on marriage, because she was from a family of girls (all married already) and her dad had just died., they wanted the same name, but also had used their own names ''professionally'' and being known is half of their game. Its worked well for them..they are both happy.

    Mrs Generali was going to keep her maiden surname as Not-Generali until I pointed out that she would be Miss Not-Generali in that case rather than Mrs Not-Generali.

    She then spent a lot of time practising her new signature she would require when she became Mrs Generali. She spent perhaps an hour a night for a couple of weeks doing this.

    After we married she asked the bank for a new bank card in her new name. She signed it as Miss Not-Generali by mistake and so asked for a new one. That she also signed as Mrs Not-Generali.

    Third time lucky? Nope.

    She got it right 4th time around.:j
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