Nice people thread part 4 - sugar and spice and all things

Generali

PasturesNew wrote: »

Not sure of your definition of a sheltered home, but the remaining old needs a room and ability to make the odd hot drink.... but no cooking for themselves. There are other health/cleanliness issues... and the onset of ga-ga land is suspected/not formally diagnosed.

The remaining old is very frail and so we're looking at their own room but everything else provided. I've got one in mind I'll go look at shortly (I'd go today if I didn't have other stuff to do).

The remaining old hasn't had any new dresses for about 20 years and has no suitable footwear.... they went nowhere, did nothing, had no holidays, no home improvements (furniture, curtains, carpets, decorating, etc) but has been squirrelling a few quid pension money religiously for 15 years.... we had no idea they had so much.

If you suspect Alzheimer's then try to push through a diagnosis as quickly as you can.

My Dad went into an Alzheimer's home for the last year or so of his life and it was definitely the best place for him. The home was designed with Alzheimer's patients in mind, the staff were working there because they wanted to work with Alzheimer's patients and the other people in the home didn't mind the mad stuff people with Alzheimer's do because it was the norm.

For example, Dad had a room. We knew it was his room because it had his picture on the door. Pictures of the grandkids, kids and mum on the wall; a radio we bought him on the side; and his clothes in the drawer. However, because he was in the last stages of Alzheimer's, as were his mates, they didn't know that the pictures on the wall were of me, they thought it was their son. The radio belonged to someone but who? I'd go to Dad's room and someone would be asleep in his bed and he'd be sitting in another room with a book in his hand trying to remember exactly what it is you do with a book.

All of this madness was very cheerfully dealt with by the staff as well as the darker sides of Alzheimer's that nobody talks about like the violence and the paranoia.

Also, Alzheimer's homes are paid for by the NHS due to medical need, not funded by the council so there is no means testing or requirement to pay by the recipient of the care.

If you think that Alzheimer's is a possible, talk to your local Alzheimer's Association and they will be awesome. Here are contact details for your region. If you would like me to call I'd be very happy to make initial contact. PM me to confirm. I suspect that viva would also continue to be the absolute star she has been thus far.

LydiaJ

Hope you manage to find a care home that suits, Pastures. It's fine to get a solicitor to help you with your executor duties - you have the right to do that and pay their fees out of the estate. It doesn't need to say so in the will - that's just something executors are allowed to do. I'm late-nearly-ex's executrix and it's finally coming to an end, as I posted recently. My probate solicitor (who also happens to be my brother) has done loads of stuff that I could never have found the time to learn how to do. It's all very well doing the probate and trust and so on yourself if (a) you already know some law or else have the sort of brain that's good at learning that sort of thing from books, and (b) you have plenty of time, and (c) the estate is very straightforward. Anything that involves setting up a trust really shouldn't be done without professional help. There's too much risk of getting it wrong. Please get a solicitor to help you.

Today is my birthday. I am 42.

I went out for a pub meal with some mates last night, and then stayed up far too late having a fascinating chat with the babysitter after I got home. This morning I have been given presents by DS and DD. This year they insisted they could buy me presents without a grown-up to help them, if I could just give them some money, please? So yesterday, I gave them £20 and sat in the car outside Tesco, and then dutifully looked the other way while they put stuff in the boot of the car, and again when we got home.

DD is only 7 and DS, although 10, is dyslexic, so although they can both read when they choose to, they don't always bother. So, I have got...
Home made paperchains decorating most of the downstairs rooms in the house and a paperchain necklace round my neck.
Strawberries, prepared and served nicely in a bowl with a spoon ("Eat them now, Mummy.")
Passionflower bubble bath ("What is it Mummy? We know it's something to do with a bath or shower.")
A pumice stone on a rope ("It was with bath stuff Mummy. Is it a bath bomb?")
A small bottle of "repair and protect" shampoo ("We don't know what it is but we got it with the end of our money. It was only 75p")
A box of Cadbury's Roses ("How did you guess it was chocolates before you opened it Mummy?")
Flowers ("Most of the flowers were really expensive Mummy but there were some that were £3 so I looked at those and I chose these ones because they're your favourite colour.")
A home made card from each of them with the following inside:

On the front: You are 42 today YaH <He means yeah> and some stuck on balloon shapes
Inside: To mum
happy beirthday I hope you have a super osom <he means awesome> Great beirthday and I hope you like my presents.
Lots of love from
<name>
PS Happy beirthday

On the front (well, back, because the card opens backwards): Happy 42nd Birthday Mummy
Inside: To mummy Happy 42nd Birthday have a outsanding and Great Birthday lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of love yours sinsirly <name and surname> x :heart2:

So now I'm off to wash my hair with the 75p repair and protect shampoo!

silvercar

Amazing and thoughtful children!

Happy Birthday!

Generali

LydiaJ wrote: »

executrix

Awesome use of gender IMVHO.

sss555s

LydiaJ wrote: »

Today is my birthday. I am 42.

Happy birthday Lydia :beer:

:bdaycake:

PasturesNew

silvercar wrote: »

Then you should go for a care home - no point moving her to sheltered and then finding another move is needed. If you find a home that has a alzheimers unit attached it would be easier to move her over when the time comes. Some homes are reluctant to take alzheimer patients as it puts off other potential residents.

My grandmother was getting confused in the home she was in and they made clear that a move would be required if she deteriorated.

The one I've spotted has dementia care too, so that's covered.

PasturesNew

LydiaJ wrote: »

Today is my birthday. I am 42.

Whippersnapper

PasturesNew

Generali wrote: »

Also, Alzheimer's homes are paid for by the NHS due to medical need, not funded by the council so there is no means testing or requirement to pay by the recipient of the care.

If you think that Alzheimer's is a possible, talk to your local Alzheimer's Association and they will be awesome. Here are contact details for your region. If you would like me to call I'd be very happy to make initial contact. PM me to confirm. I suspect that viva would also continue to be the absolute star she has been thus far.

It's more dementia than Alzheimer's. Currently just a little confusion - like yesterday when the old was telling me a story from the day before that had involved me - and they were telling it as if it were to a stranger... and I said "Who do you think you're talking to?" And they looked at me quizzically then realised it was me/the story was about me, so I knew it and I wasn't somebody else.

Or brief word confusion, yesterday on the phone substituting in a recently used word for the proper word. e.g. meant to say "We had peas for tea" but said the equivalent of "We had cards for tea".

It's just about 1-2x a day really.

GDB2222

Generali wrote: »

Awesome use of gender IMVHO.

Executrix is no worse than testatrix. I've just finished reading a 9 page will prepared by a well-known firm of solicitors.

LydiaJ

Generali wrote: »

Awesome use of gender IMVHO.

GDB2222 wrote: »

Executrix is no worse than testatrix. I've just finished reading a 9 page will prepared by a well-known firm of solicitors.

TBH I'm rather torn between my love of interesting words, which pushes me towards saying executrix, and my mildly feminist leanings which push me towards saying executor, on the grounds that gender has nothing to do with it. So I oscillate between the two.

I'm being summoned downstairs to eat the cake that the babysitter helped them make last night.