Nice people thread part 4 - sugar and spice and all things

GDB2222

PasturesNew wrote: »

The old has gone now.

I am so, so sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with you and your well old.

PasturesNew

fc123 wrote: »

Do you have any help organising what comes next?

I bl00dy hope so!!

Got the D Cert... been to the expensive box providers; got appointment to do registration tomorrow, then picking date/time tomorrow. I'm wondering how people let others know the news. I can't phone everybody, I have no idea who'd care/wish to know. When you phone the bugg4hs don't know what to say and/or keep you chatting about boll0x for an hour.

Do people phone/invite? Is it postcards? Or what? I've never been invited to a sending off occasion. It'll be simple, probably family +1 + stray/random old people who turn out for all events (I'm sure there are some people that see this as a social life). Or maybe it'll just be immediate family. The old has met a lot of people through life/past interests, but since the big move hasn't really done more than send cards and so I don't expect their octogenarian friends to be up for a huge trip to wave goodbye. But what if the old had acquaintances/neighbours who are the sort to turn up .... how do you know who to inform/ask?

PasturesNew

GDB2222 wrote: »

I'm sorry I haven't contributed or thanked anyone today. I've been really busy on my accounts, which are somewhat out of date, but becoming less so. I'm using VT CashBook, which is free and seems to do what I need. They've done some thinking on the data entry, so it uses past transactions to predict what you're about to type. It's surprisingly fun to use. Some things are clunky, but for what I'm paying it's good.

Sounds interesting.... I'll Google that. Always intended to do something, never got round to it.

http://www.vtsoftware.co.uk/cashbook/

PasturesNew

Over the weekend I had phoned a small handful of the old's really, really, really old mates... people they'd known since before I was born..... one sent a card which arrived today "Hope you're feeling better today".

fc123

PasturesNew wrote: »

I bl00dy hope so!!

Got the D Cert... been to the expensive box providers; got appointment to do registration tomorrow, then picking date/time tomorrow. I'm wondering how people let others know the news. I can't phone everybody, I have no idea who'd care/wish to know. When you phone the bugg4hs don't know what to say and/or keep you chatting about boll0x for an hour.

Do people phone/invite? Is it postcards? Or what? I've never been invited to a sending off occasion. It'll be simple, probably family +1 + stray/random old people who turn out for all events (I'm sure there are some people that see this as a social life). Or maybe it'll just be immediate family. The old has met a lot of people through life/past interests, but since the big move hasn't really done more than send cards and so I don't expect their octogenarian friends to be up for a huge trip to wave goodbye. But what if the old had acquaintances/neighbours who are the sort to turn up .... how do you know who to inform/ask?

I can only write from what my father did when his stepmother passed away. He wanted some time to go through her papers, find addresses (he contacted some from a pile of old Xmas cards I think) and get the news passed around. The funeral directors said there was no rush and he could have 3 weeks to arrange things.

My grandfather put a notice in his local paper when my grandmother passed away.
Apart from the above, I have no idea as never had to do it myself.

Does well old have a view on how she wants things done?

vivatifosi

PasturesNew wrote: »

I bl00dy hope so!!

Got the D Cert... been to the expensive box providers; got appointment to do registration tomorrow, then picking date/time tomorrow. I'm wondering how people let others know the news. I can't phone everybody, I have no idea who'd care/wish to know. When you phone the bugg4hs don't know what to say and/or keep you chatting about boll0x for an hour.

Do people phone/invite? Is it postcards? Or what? I've never been invited to a sending off occasion. It'll be simple, probably family +1 + stray/random old people who turn out for all events (I'm sure there are some people that see this as a social life). Or maybe it'll just be immediate family. The old has met a lot of people through life/past interests, but since the big move hasn't really done more than send cards and so I don't expect their octogenarian friends to be up for a huge trip to wave goodbye. But what if the old had acquaintances/neighbours who are the sort to turn up .... how do you know who to inform/ask?

Pastures, if you have, or think you will have, trouble communicating with people, pass the task off to one of the siblings for them to do.

I don't know how it is handled in most families, but this is how it works in mine (clearly the immediate family know at this point). Someone makes a list of people who need to know. This should include relatives and close friends and people they regularly stayed in touch with. In my family we would call the closest relative (eg when my Mum dies I will need to call her brothers and sisters) and we then ask them to let their offspring know. This keeps the number of calls and the stress of calling down. The only difficulty is sometimes there may need to be an extra call to make if we know family members aren't talking. However don't stress over this.

If he had several friends who knew each other, you could just call a couple and again ask them if they wouldn't mind calling the others. It helps to have the date and time to hand because that way you only have to stress about making one call. We also take out a notice in the local paper so that anyone we may have missed will see it. If they lived a significant part of their life elsewhere, you could consider putting a notice in the paper there too. Part of it is about the knowing so they can send flowers/cards.

Think about it this way: in the time you've lived there, which of his friends have you met? That's a good starting point, the friends can do the rest.

PasturesNew

fc123 wrote: »

Does well old have a view on how she wants things done?

No. Never had to do anything/think for themselves. All the well old's had to do is get up really....

I do have somebody who has done this stuff recently that I can ask; I'll phone them tomorrow.... it's been a long day and it's on my list; I felt we needed some "us time" after the last whirlwind, before the next one starts tomorrow.

PasturesNew

vivatifosi wrote: »

Think about it this way: in the time you've lived there, which of his friends have you met? That's a good starting point, the friends can do the rest.

One .... who I phoned and said I'd phone with a date/time once I knew. Old belonged to one club and that one person will tell them. I think it's more about the blokey stuff; you know how blokes will talk about grass cutting when they're mowing the lawn and another bloke passes ..... well I've no idea which of the surrounding neighbours the old has had grass cutting chats with

fc123

PasturesNew wrote: »

No. Never had to do anything/think for themselves. All the well old's had to do is get up really....

I do have somebody who has done this stuff recently that I can ask; I'll phone them tomorrow.... it's been a long day and it's on my list; I felt we needed some "us time" after the last whirlwind, before the next one starts tomorrow.

I guess that could make it simpler in that she is happy to go along with whatever you and the siblings decide.

dumb Q... is the whirlwind a person or events? Don't answer if you don't feel to.

OH has just said that the funeral place were really helpful helping his family organise things when his GM died....and he sends you thoughts too.

silvercar

PasturesNew wrote: »

I'd have not done a thing probably..... I didn't know about 101.

I'd have left them to it as nobody's injured.

Years ago I saw an accident at a roundabout between a bus and a car; I stopped as I'd witnessed it. If I hadn't, then the bus driver (who was in the wrong) might have got away with it.

OH said he would have parked in front of the crash, but I didn't fancy blocking any part of a wide roundabout. Anyway the police now have son's number, so if witnesses are needed they can phone.