fall out with mother in law

aliasojo

adouglasmhor wrote: »

It's hard to be sympathetic when you have to struggle to read what you have posted though, It sounds like your MIL is out of her depth and lashing out and I am sorry you have borne the brunt of it.

viktory wrote: »

I didn't bother to read it for two reasons - badly written and the OP is rude.

And imo this is a good example of the 'intent' I was talking about earlier on.

The first mentions the way the post was written, but in a reasonable and constructive way, as well as offering a comment relevant to the topic, whereas the second is brusque, offers nothing in connection with the points raised in the OP and makes the reader wonder if the intent is simply to have a go.

It's little wonder posters are often defensive when pulled up on their style of writing, a quick look through the forums shows how often people are jumped on and the majority of the time, it's not done in an effort to be constructive.

mambo69

........ok my story is this. I have 2 sons one is 4 the other is 2 years -3 months. My eldest son when he was born was adored by my mother in law she used to have him round her house as often as she could, she bought lovely outfits for him, toys, her husband took on the roll of granddad although hes not but we were ok with this as his natural Granddad didn't seem interested. We always wanted to try for another baby and hoped for a 2 year age gap
well when the time came and I had my baby M.I.L came to visit me in hospital she didn't stay long but she had my other boy with her, I was a bit upset however when she picked my baby up for all of about 1 min before putting him back in the cot, then as the weeks and months passed she would ask to have my eldest on a saturday night and we thought as I was breast feeding she obviously couldn't take him but when she came to the house she wouldn't even give him a cuddle for fear of upsetting my eldest, this would bother us but we hoped that as he got older she would treat them the same but this has never happened.


Just for the OP my mom was exactly the same, she still is to a degree, my eldest was the first grandchild for her, and he is the apple of the eye above the other 3. however now my youngest is talking and interacts with her it is less obvious.
I think the eldest will allways be Nannas favourite, but as long as she is not doing it to extremes let it slide

it may just be that she bonded with your eldest and they now have a relationship that supports this and she is not deliberatly being off with your youngest, she just does not realise it

PudseyDB

My MIL also seems to prefer my eldest daughter, rather than the younger two. She always has, and my other kids acknowledge this too - so its not just me that's noticed it.

Similarly, she's fallen out with me.........not the family, just me - because I supposedly tried to turn the grandchildren away from her! Total rot of course, but like your MIL her feelings had been festering for a while and one bad event - in our case FIL being rushed to hospital and us being unable to immediately drop everything to drive 100 miles to help her - resulted in her sending a letter outlining her feelings about me.

Anyway, for your husbands sake, I hope you can reach some compromise. I guess trying to talk would be the first step.

CH27

From a neutral point of view it seems like 6 of one & half a dozen of the other.

MIL will be very shaken after the fire & probably expected her & his family to be around for support.

OP & her husband have allowed little things to fester into a big boil.

Facebook is not the place to conduct family relationships. Talk to her face to face.

delain

suelizab wrote: »

Uncalled for, there was no nastiness there!

I agree. I am not being nasty but I cannot actually read it as it is, the letters are jumping in front of my eyes. I appreciate it's my dodgy eyes that are the problem but OP please be aware I'm not the only one with dodgy
eyes!

From as far as I did get, yes your mother in law is being unreasonable, but I can see why her head is all over the show right now.

red_devil

families eh what a nightmare.

mrcow

OP - you ar making a massive deal out of nothing.

You should not have replied to her message - that was a big mistake.

You just seem to want her to be around for free baby sitting when it suits you. The woman has been kicked out of her home and lost her dog. She is perfectly entitled to get upset, particularly with her family (who should BE THERE for her and listen to her rants when needed). Have a heart and stop being so judgemental.

Oldernotwiser

suelizab wrote: »

Uncalled for, there was no nastiness there!

And perhaps puts an interesting slant on the OP's role in the family situation.

SkintGypsy

If I'm honest, if I had received a message like that from her I would have ignored it. I consider any letter of this nature to be terribly spiteful. You will hear how badly you made me feel and then you must justify yourself to me and try to make amends. I dont think so! They do not require the courtesy of a response. If anything, not responding makes the writer have to either bring it up in person and 'man up' or they deserve to be ignored.

make_me_wise

Mother in laws :wall: they are a unique breed hey OP. I can understand why you feel :mad: with yours.

I dont understand why she treats your two children differently. The excuse of not wanting to upset the older one by fussing over the younger one is daft. The kids will pick up on all this as they get older which wont be nice for either of them.

Nip it all in the bud now. I think your husband writing a letter is a good idea. Get the feeling the reply may not be all you are hoping it will be. Good luck, you can pick your friends but not your family.