A difficult situation

3v3

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Can a woman, in effect, take 'ownership' of someone else's child even if she is its grandmother?

Something really doesn't smell right to me.

Smells about right to me. The scenario was

cousin was in a bit of a situation, very young, not sure she could care for a child and really didn't get on well with my aunt (her mum). My cousin has now cleaned up her act ... cousin was kicked out by my aunt without the child... she was only 16 at the time ... Mostly forced too, her aunt did not let the child go with her and would not allow contact ...

These things happen.

Extremely sad; for all concerned! Grandmother probably thought she was doing things for the best (at the time) and as time has gone on ... well, you get used to things, don't you?

Zoetoes

ceridwen wrote: »

I would imagine that the aunt saw good cause for concern re the childs welfare in the first place to have taken over like this - ie besides the fact that, as I recall, the mother was only 16 at the time (ie too young to be a mother).

I don't see the fact the mother being 16 is cause for concern when it comes to the child's welfare or that she is too young to be a mother, too young by what standards? Not ideal maybe but more for the mother rather than the child.

3v3

Zoetoes wrote: »

I don't see the fact the mother being 16 is cause for concern when it comes to the child's welfare or that she is too young to be a mother, too young by what standards? Not ideal maybe but more for the mother rather than the child.

Totally agree.
But, in this particular scenario, the Mum was "in a bit of a situation" (which could mean anything!) and wasn't confident she could look after a child.

ceridwen

Zoetoes wrote: »

I don't see the fact the mother being 16 is cause for concern when it comes to the child's welfare or that she is too young to be a mother, too young by what standards? Not ideal maybe but more for the mother rather than the child.

Too young by any reasonable standards - ie finished education/reached adulthood/got their housing sorted out (ie moved out from parents home into self-contained accommodation).

Some people at 16 will have finished with education - but many won't

No 16 year old has yet reached adulthood obviously - ie 18.

I very much doubt whether any 16 year old will have moved out into self-contained accommodation (I very much doubt whether any "rich kids" even are living on their own by 16 - courtesy of a Bernie Ecclestone father to buy them a mansion.) I would certainly be interested to hear of any 16 year old that owns her own place or even rents anywhere. At that age - they will almost certainly still be living with their parents (ie they are not in a situation to have a child).

I would say the same the other end of the scale - ie there comes an age when people are too old to have a child (which I would say is at that point in which there simply isnt enough time left to retirement to raise a child to 22 - ie Gap Year and then University - if the child is one that goes on to University).

Molly41

Children leaving care at 16 will go and live in a flat supported by workers.

Sambucus_Nigra

ceridwen wrote: »

I know you like rubbishing my posts (considering how often you seem to do so) - but where does it state that this child has ever seen the mother again since she was born? As far as we can see - this child has every reason to believe that the aunt is her mother.

Because you make HUGE generalisations on very little actual information. You don't know why the aunt would be best suited to bring up the child. Even if the mother was in a bit of a situation, the grandmother should not have blocked access [remember that even dads in bad situations should not be blocked access from their kids] and should be seeing to it that the mother and child are reunited.

Children often believe that their step dads are their dads; and when the dad comes back on the scene mothers and the children have to deal with it. I'm sure the child would rather be with their real mother and sibling than live a lie. The fact that you can't see that.....well - it's astonishing.

Zoetoes

ceridwen wrote: »

Too young by any reasonable standards - ie finished education/reached adulthood/got their housing sorted out (ie moved out from parents home into self-contained accommodation).

Some people at 16 will have finished with education - but many won't

No 16 year old has yet reached adulthood obviously - ie 18.

I very much doubt whether any 16 year old will have moved out into self-contained accommodation (I very much doubt whether any "rich kids" even are living on their own by 16 - courtesy of a Bernie Ecclestone father to buy them a mansion.) I would certainly be interested to hear of any 16 year old that owns her own place or even rents anywhere. At that age - they will almost certainly still be living with their parents (ie they are not in a situation to have a child).

I would say the same the other end of the scale - ie there comes an age when people are too old to have a child (which I would say is at that point in which there simply isnt enough time left to retirement to raise a child to 22 - ie Gap Year and then University - if the child is one that goes on to University).

But staying with the parents and having a baby doesn't make them an unsuitable mother, it means they've got support. Even so, I agree it's unlikely that a 16 year old would have left home yet but once their circumstances change there's no reason why they can't then move out.

At 16 there would still be time to finish their education.

As I said, at 16 it's not ideal but not ideal for the 16 year old, it makes no difference to the baby whether the mother is 16 or 36.

montymud

She was kicked out by my aunt when she was 16. The reason her aunt kicked her out is because she is not very good at handling the teenage years and in actual fact none of her 5 children speak to her. My cousin was not involved in anything untoward but she was no angel also. I think mostly she was just doing what some 16 year olds do at that age, pushing the boundries etc. Although she was quite happy to go out with her friends and have sleepovers without letting my aunt know she wouldnt be home. I must stress though, that she never placed the child in danger and always asked initially for my aunt to look after the baby.

I must admit, I don't know the nitty gritty of it all but it sounds flippin complicated!

gizmo111

The first thing she needs to do is establish what legal basis her child is living with her mother and then seek legal advice, unlikely a court would remove at this stage but likely they will introduce contact, order a CAFCASS report and hopefully work towards either reunification or some form of shared care. Expect a lot of mud slinging before the situation is resolved.

emsywoo123

Susan_Frost wrote: »

Whatever - I cannot envisage a situation where the child would never be allowed to be with its mother just because they were apart for the first 3 yrs of it's life.

From my (limited) experience, the 3rd birthday is quite an important point....it all gets far more complicated once the child has physically turned 3.