A difficult situation

montymud

This is a hard one but as a relative of both parties I thought I could try to find some advice from somewhere!

My Aunt is currently looking after my cousins daughter and has been for the past 3 years. My cousin was in a bit of a situation, very young, not sure she could care for a child and really didn't get on well with my aunt (her mum). My cousin has now cleaned up her act, is due to marry soon and has a place of her own and she wants her daughter back.

My aunt has cut off all contact and would not allow my cousin to see or speak to her daughter. There was no reason to cut the contact, my cousin was not nasty and was always loving towards her daughter but my aunt did not want my cousin to have any form of contact.

I must point out there was never a care order put in place. Where do both parties stand in regard to this situation. Should my cousin contact social services? She would certainly never try to just go in and take her daughter, she is aware that this has emotional implications for her daughter as will the whole process.

Well that was a mouthful! Any help that I can pass on would be appreciated!

System

im not sure who but she needs to get an impartial 3rd party involved. the aunt unless there was risk to the child should not have cut contact and i suspect in the end the child will be placed back with the mother.

montymud

Thank you Chrissyg - that is what I thought she may have to do but like you I am not sure who! I think she is either going to contact social services or get herself a solicitor. There was never any risk to the child so I think that you are again right in saying that the child will be placed back with the biological mother. Thank you for your help

make_me_wise

I'm not sure involving social services would be a good idea. They might question the suitability of the child going back to the care of its mother. Without knowing why your cousin felt the need to leave her daughter with her mum, its hard to know how things may be viewed.

I would recommend some mediation. Your cousin could also speak with a solicitor just to test the water on where the law stands in cases like this. Then she will be clued up on what the best way forward would be if an agreement cant be reached amicably regarding her daughters future.

montymud

Thank you make me wise. If I remember correctly my cousin was kicked out by my aunt without the child. I think a solicitor is the best bet really.

make_me_wise

I'll be honest with you I was worried you might say this. It seemed odd that your Aunt took on the care of the child and then refused the mother to have any contact. The best interest of the child is for it to forge a relationship with all those closest to it, subject to this not jepoardising its safety and well-being. Are you sure your cousin voluntarily gave up her childs care to her mother or was she made to?

montymud

Mostly forced too, her aunt did not let the child go with her and would not allow contact

montymud

we don't know the exact circumstance of her being kicked out, she was only 16 at the time but now she is settled, has recently had another daughter (who is very well cared for and loved very much) and has a place with her fiance.

make_me_wise

In this case I would suggest your cousin sees a solicitor as soon as possible. I wish your cousin alot of strength and patience. Hope it may help her to bare in mind, that if this situation is handled right, then her daughter will feel happy and confidant to come and live with her. If they were forced apart then it may be incredibly hard for your cousin to consider this, but it may be in the childs interest to retain a relationship with its grandmother. Being seperated from and refused access to the people they love is incredibly damaging to young children.

Zziggi

Involving social services may not only be to the detriment of your cousin. I'm pretty sure a few years ago (2 or 3??) the law changed where you had to register if you were looking after a child (not your own) for more than 28 days. I know locally there were posters up saying you must register with social services if you care for a child for more than 28 days in a kind of informal kinship arrangement. The aunt might fall foul of these rules if she did not register

ceridwen

make_me_wise wrote: »

I'm not sure involving social services would be a good idea. They might question the suitability of the child going back to the care of its mother. Without knowing why your cousin felt the need to leave her daughter with her mum, its hard to know how things may be viewed.

I would recommend some mediation. Your cousin could also speak with a solicitor just to test the water on where the law stands in cases like this. Then she will be clued up on what the best way forward would be if an agreement cant be reached amicably regarding her daughters future.

But wouldnt that be precisely why it would be a GOOD idea to involve social services? - as in they might be more likely to leave the child with the only mother she has ever known (ie the aunt).

Ultimately - I would think the best course of action would be whatever one is the right one for the child and no-one but the child in this. Which would seem to be the aunt from what OP says.