Hubby said hurtful thing to me

scooby088

fairydiamond wrote: »

Hmmmm... perhaps the hubby didn't realise how much he upset you, and he probably did mean it as a joke. People are soooo quick to start shouting ''domestic abuse!!!!!!'' ''30 % starts in prengnancy'' so on... (I'm not making light of domestic abuse, I just don't get why people are bringing it up!) and I don't think one comment deserves an ''emotional abuse'' label either. The lady's husband would probably be mortified if he saw this thread.

My hubby sometimes says daft things to me, and I just quip back at him and have a laugh about it. Your hubby probably didn't realise how much he upset you and perhaps you should sit down with him and have a good chat. You're having a baby with him so you should be able to talk to him...

Think you have hit the nail on the head. Once said to my mrs greenpeace were starting a campaign to save her :rotfl:

DUTR

ashaput wrote: »

He had said sorry to you but somehow you still feel hurt? I can understand how it feels. Why don't you go out for tea with your husband and tell him what you feel. If he still think you are overreacting, I think you need to tell him that there is a hormonal changing in your body and he should be think that this is a normal thing to see you act that way. It is not overreacting, it is just normal thing happen to pregnant mother.
I'm sorry for my messy English but I hope you get my point

Gosh is this thread still going on?

If he has already apologised then there is no more point harping on about it and you are being over sensitive.
Start to put someone in the doghouse and for too long and you may as well both go your seperate ways .

janninew

DUTR wrote: »

Gosh is this thread still going on?

If he has already apologised then there is no more point harping on about it and you are being over sensitive.
Start to put someone in the doghouse and for too long and you may as well both go your seperate ways .

I haven't been 'harping' on about it, I have made any comment on this thread since Sunday!

janninew

aliasojo wrote: »

I just wanted to acknowledge you AND the 53 kind souls who thanked you for this comment. Clearly MSE does have a communal heart after all (I do sometimes wonder. )

OP, how are you feeling now?

I'm not feeling to great to be honest, we had a chat and I explained how hurt I felt and I could tell her wanted to tell me something. He has been chatting to other women online and said he felt guilty and needed to tell me (don't know why he had to be cruel to me and how that was supposed to ease his guilt?)

Things are not good at home, I'm trying to work through things though.

Thanks for all supportive advice offered on this thread, it did make me feel a little better reading it.

aliasojo

janninew wrote: »

He has been chatting to other women online and said he felt guilty and needed to tell me (don't know why he had to be cruel to me and how that was supposed to ease his guilt?)

Some men, (in my experience most men but I'm trying to be balanced here ) when they are defensive, go on the attack.

Sounds like he knew fine his behaviour was wrong but he didn't have the balls to deal with it so he went on the attack, hence his comment to you (which now sounds as if it wasn't a silly unthinking remark but was actually designed to hurt you).

Looks like you and he have some serious sit down adult discussions coming your way. I hope you get things sorted out and can move on from here.

dark_lady

He needs to bloody well grow up. Hes got a baby on the way. And he has made you suffer double by talking to other women online AND making hurtful remarks to you because he couldnt handle HIS guilt which was caused by HIS own actions.
Hes a real prize!

3v3

janninew wrote: »

... but I can't help how I feel and how hurt I am right now. ...

Actually, yes, you can! What you really "can't" change is someone else's behaviour; but *you* have control on how you react to something and how you feel about something.

From the dialogue, it all boils down to:-

- he made, what he thought was, a joke
- he thought it was funny
- you didn't think it was funny; you're upset with him.
- he can't see what you are making a fuss about because it really wasn't a big deal to him
- you can't understand why he isn't understanding how you are feeling because it *is* a big deal to you.
- you can't feel what he feels
- he can't feel what you feel

Is it really (on a scale of 1 - 10) worth sleeping seperately over? And if it is, how are you going to react if it is something bigger? Its always the "little" things that gradually develop into bigger things. Sometimes, we have to stand back from what we "feel" and reason it out. The problem with "feelings" are they are not always rational.

PS: Just seen the comment about him feeling guilty over speaking to women online ... much depends on the context and extent ... but, isn't that what we are all doing on here? I wonder how many people are typing away on MSE/internet and not giving their partners attention?

Nara

Mmmm that does explain it a bit, when you are doing something you shouldn't like talking to other women online, it makes you feel guilty (hopefully!) and he is taking it out on you in the hope you react horribly to him therefore making himself feel a bit better about his guilt.

My partner often says things too, I moan about being to fat but he just tells me he likes BBW's! certainly he doesn't help me with my diet:rotfl:

Hope you guys can work things out

Tiddlywinks

3v3 wrote: »

....... What you really "can't" change is someone else's behaviour; but *you* have control on how you react to something and how you feel about something.

Not sure I entirely agree that you can control how you feel.

Yes, you do have control over your reactions to events BUT emotions are a normal fact of life - how you deal with them is the crucial thing.

Just ignoring / denying / suppressing your feelings is bad for your health. Venting (as the OP did here) can actually be cathartic. Indeed, some counsellors recommend putting your feelings in writing to enable you to acknowledge and then deal with them.

3v3

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

...
Just ignoring / denying / suppressing your feelings is bad for your health. Venting (as the OP did here) can actually be cathartic. Indeed, some counsellors recommend putting your feelings in writing to enable you to acknowledge and then deal with them.

Never suggested ignoring/denying/suppressing feelings. And feelings can indeed be controlled, if they couldn't, many more people would commit assault (or worse). The important word in your quote is the "acknowledge" them so you can then deal with them. But between those two steps is discovering *why* you are feeling suchnsuch, otherwise, you can never really deal with them.