Hubby said hurtful thing to me

janninew

Hi All,

Not sure why I'm writing this or what I will get out of it but here goes.

Me and my husband went out last night for tea and on the way home he said a really cruel thing to me. I won't say what exactly but it was about a part of my body and it was cruel. I do have hang ups about my body and he knows this so I don't know why he could be so cruel to me. I know I'm not unattractive, I'm a slim size 8 but still have worries like everybody does, plus I'm 8 weeks pregnant so not feeling my best at all.

I can hardly bear to look at him and slept in the spare room last night. When I told him why I was so upset he brushed it off as being a joke and that I was overreacting. Maybe I am, but I can't help how I feel and how hurt I am right now.

My husband has many hang ups about his body and I would never say anything like what he said to me, not even joking about it.

I can't stand to be in the same room as his at the moment and don't know what to do to make things right again.

richardw

If you don't thing it is funny then it ain't a joke, he needs to quickly understand this, apologise and get ready for the baby.

RacyRed

lucyloves wrote: »

I dont understand how this is 'moneysaving'

Divorce is expensive and best avoided if possible.

janninew, you are 8 weeks pregnant?

You'd best sit hubby down right now and explain to him that if he wants to survive the hormonal holocaust which is now beginning to engulf you, he had better start thinking of you as an "inconsiderate joke" free zone for the next few years. If he tries to laugh that off give him both barrels front on - no messing. Better done now than later.

Also ensure he knows that compliments and reassurance are welcome.

janninew

RacyRed wrote: »

Divorce is expensive and best avoided if possible.

janninew, you are 8 weeks pregnant?

You'd best sit hubby down right now and explain to him that if he wants to survive the hormonal holocaust which is now beginning to engulf you, he had better start thinking of you as an "inconsiderate joke" free zone for the next few years. If he tries to laugh that off give him both barrels front on - no messing. Better done now than later.

Also ensure he knows that compliments and reassurance are welcome.

Yep 8 weeks pregnant.
He has said sorry, but I know he thinks I'm overreacting and is just saying it to shut me uip! He really doesn't know how much he has hurt me.

RacyRed

janninew wrote: »

Yep 8 weeks pregnant.
He has said sorry, but I know he thinks I'm overreacting and is just saying it to shut me uip! He really doesn't know how much he has hurt me.

Spell it out to him in words of one syllable. The sooner he understands the better. Can you get his Mum to read him the riot act?

janninew

RacyRed wrote: »

Spell it out to him in words of one syllable. The sooner he understands the better. Can you get his Mum to read him the riot act?

He is a mummy's boy and he can do no wrong in her eyes! Think I'm going to take myself off for a long walk and clear my head.

BitterAndTwisted

As he knows that you're insecure about this part of your body the insult was not directed at your person per se, it was deliberately chosen to hurt you in the most profound way possible. And succeeded. I would be forthright with him and ask why he felt the need to wound you to the quick like that. This is not the sort of thing that can be plausibly passed off as some kind of joke. It wasn't. Do not accept that.

payless

Many people see the forum was much more than money related... but others prefer it to be focused.

I think the forum owners/ guides need to be clear.. there seems to be a demand for this type of thread here BUT sticky https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/253512 implies otherwise... perhaps either the "rules" needs changing or threads less connected to moneysaving should be given a different home.

Oldernotwiser

You both need to be aware of the hormonal changes you have going on and you both need to make allowances for this.

pleasedelete

What did he say?

Maybe you are a bit oversensitive due to hormones.

When I was pregnant i told my dh the baby better not have his feet, short legs or tiny nose!

He told me he didn't want it to have my big hands or dodgy teeth!

I think that's all pretty normal.

Baby is now 16. She has his short legs but luckily missed out on the dodgy teeth, big hands and dh
feet. She also has his families generous cleavage which is a bonus!

xlittlemissx

Hiya,

I totally understand where you are coming from. Please let your OH know how bad he has made you feel. I have put up with comments like this for years from my OH - when I have said something to him, like you, he always said he was joking.

Last week I said I was a little worried about the number of headaches I have had recently - he looked at me and said "thats because you are unfit and unhealthy and you take no exercise".Of course he was joking again. (i'm no kate moss but not a heffer either!):(

These types of comments have changed the way I feel about him over the years, and in a way I feel has damaged our realtionship - I think if I had addressed these issues earlier I may not be at this point today.

Good Luck