Hubby said hurtful thing to me

Tiddlywinks

I know this is not physical abuse but.... pregnancy can bring out the worst in some partners.

This site says that "30% of domestic violence starts in pregnancy" - a frightening statistic.....

http://womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200010001&itemid=822

Not saying that your OH will resort to this but if you feel his intent was to hurt you then you need to address it straight away - counselling perhaps?

LegalBlonde

OMG. I take it back. The comment about leaving a partner for spending £80 on a weekend away is not the best post of the year so far, the above is.....

OP we really need to know what he said lol

ashaput

He had said sorry to you but somehow you still feel hurt? I can understand how it feels. Why don't you go out for tea with your husband and tell him what you feel. If he still think you are overreacting, I think you need to tell him that there is a hormonal changing in your body and he should be think that this is a normal thing to see you act that way. It is not overreacting, it is just normal thing happen to pregnant mother.
I'm sorry for my messy English but I hope you get my point

make_me_wise

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

I know this is not physical abuse but.... pregnancy can bring out the worst in some partners.

This site says that "30% of domestic violence starts in pregnancy" - a frightening statistic.....

http://womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200010001&itemid=822

Not saying that your OH will resort to this but if you feel his intent was to hurt you then you need to address it straight away - counselling perhaps?

Actually I agree with you. A friend of mine is a midwife and the number of women who experience abuse the first time during their first pregnancies is frightening.

Without knowing what was said it is hard to know whether the OP has over-reacted to a tactless comment or whether her husband is being abusive. Only the OP knows that and if this behaviour is completely out of character or something she has put up with for a while.

I think you speak a lot of sense tiddlywinks.

the_cat

janninew wrote: »

Hi All,

I can't stand to be in the same room as his at the moment and don't know what to do to make things right again.

You just need to give it a little time..... just because he has apologised (and by the sound of it, a bit half ars+d at that) your anger doesn't just disappear.

Chances are, your hormones/pregnancy/impending changes to your body are making you more sensitive than usual. I DO think you are over reacting a bit, but OH needs to get a grip and understand that pregnant women are NOT a suitable vehicle for his so called 'jokes'

Did you confront him straight away? It sounds like you might have kept quiet at the time and let your resentment fester. Not ideal if that's so. He will not understand the hurt so easily if you only mention it later. Give it to him both barrels immediately if he does it again - sometimes its the only way to get your point across:D

Person_one

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Not saying that your OH will resort to this but if you feel his intent was to hurt you then you need to address it straight away - counselling perhaps?

This is the important thing.

Thoughtlessness isn't great, and needs to be acknowledged and worked on, but deliberate cruelty is a whole 'nother ball game and far more serious.

rachbc

Seems to me there are 2 possibilties here

1 he made an insensitive comment, your over reacted cos your hormonal, he needs to give you a big hug and a sincerel apology and learn not to put his foot in his gob for the next 9 months!

2 he set out to deliberately hurt you by saying something he knows will upset you in a very cllous way.

If its no 2 then I am inclined to agree with the posters who are suggesting this is verging on abusive -it wa my first thougt on reading the post as much abuse happens for the firs time during preg. Having said that I have just done an online course on DV in Preg so it could just be that I am putting my perspective on things.

In your heart of heart which of the 2 secnarios do you think it was?

clairec79

Without knowing what the comment was it's hard to know if the OP was overreacting or if it's verging on the abusive. All we know it's a body part the OP is sensitive about and her partner knows this.

The comment could have been
'I thought women's boobs got bigger in pregnancy' (if she's worried about being flat chested)
'Your right, I hope the baby doesn't get your nose' (if she hates her nose and has been going on about it)
'you're getting a bump now' (if she doesn't like her stomach)

or along the lines of
'your !!!! looks huge in that' (if it's her bum she dislikes)
'oi fatty stop eating the pickles and icecream' (if it's her weight)
'

euronorris

January20 wrote: »

Very childish (some will say) but perhaps you should say something negative about a part of his body and then say it was a joke. A taste of his own medicine might teach him to be more considerate!

It can work wonders, but only if done a little while after and if accidental, even better!

My OH used to go out, say he'd be home by such a time, be late and not bother to let me know. Occasionally, he wouldn't hear his phone when I called either and then wonder why I was annoyed when he got home! It's not even like he was that late, but I would still worry something had happened to him and he would always accuse me of ov erreacting.

He is much better now, and will let me know if he's going to be late, but he still didn't appreciate how it felt......until Sat night. I went to a friend's party, was busy talking, didn't hear my phone and didn't check it til midnight. By which time he was freaking out a bit(he was concerned about me making my way home alone). I let him know all was OK, but when I got home he was still sulking a bit and complained to me about it. My response 'I'm sorry, it wasn't intentional, but now you know how it feels.'. He then apologised for being insensitive about it in the past.

fairydiamond

Hmmmm... perhaps the hubby didn't realise how much he upset you, and he probably did mean it as a joke. People are soooo quick to start shouting ''domestic abuse!!!!!!'' ''30 % starts in prengnancy'' so on... (I'm not making light of domestic abuse, I just don't get why people are bringing it up!) and I don't think one comment deserves an ''emotional abuse'' label either. The lady's husband would probably be mortified if he saw this thread.

My hubby sometimes says daft things to me, and I just quip back at him and have a laugh about it. Your hubby probably didn't realise how much he upset you and perhaps you should sit down with him and have a good chat. You're having a baby with him so you should be able to talk to him...