I need a bit of help; I'm completely stuck

kezzygirl

lostandworried wrote: »

Well - dyspraxia wise, I have over sensory issues. I struggle shopping in supermarkets and rely on online shopping. I can't balance well and struggle to walk on uneven ground, uphill, at night and in areas of poor visibility, on snow and on ice. I can't cook very well without cutting or burning myself, and have trouble gaging the temperature of things so I quite often eat things that are too hot or too cold. I also have difficulty paying attention to things and have am likely to burn what I do cook. I struggle with hygiene - I can't brush my teeth well, brush my hair well, straighten or blow dry it very well. I forget my medication and struggle to take liquid medication. I have trouble bathing without soaking the floor because can't aim water to my head. I have major trouble sleeping - I can either sleep for hours and hours on end, or can't sleep at all. Also need a heavy duvet, a certain room temperature and can't cope with noise/complete darkness very well, rely on a nightlight. I struggle to use both hands at once, I struggle to follow instructions. I forget things a lot - day to day I have a rubbish memory but have a weirdly good long term memory. I get sore muscles, I have floppy muscles, I fall a lot and due to my joints/muscles I am more liable to serious injuries - I broke my leg simply by tripping up. I am oversensitive to pain as well, but am not good at treating injuries. I struggle to use small things, like buttons, zips, and buckles. I have difficulty using most kitchen equipment and utensils and need adapted things like special cultery and rubber mats to stop my plate from sliding. I struggle using stairs, being at a height etc.I need someone with me most of the time. I can't, for instance, stay in a house completely on my own. I cut myself when I shave myself a lot. Forget I have left water running, or the cooker on, or the straightners on.. Drop hot water on myself if I make tea, drop glasses, cutlery etc. Need a handrail on the stairs, non slip mats everywhere, handle bars in the bath so I don't fall. If I try to exercise, I am good at injuring myself.

Depression - I have it to the extent I can sit and do nothing on my worst day. I have very little self esteem or confidence and feel very down a lot. I self harm on the worst days and have burnt my arm with my straightners. I need motivation to get up in the morning, and the same to go to bed.

Anxiety - I struggle to leave my house on the worst days. I have irrational fears of most things, I struggle day to day with most tasks and have intrusive thoughts and irrational worries. I rely on people for constant reassurance and often feel physically ill due to the way my mind is. I'm on medication to dampen things down and see a consultant pyschiatrist every two weeks. I need someone with me most of the time - I cling onto people when I'm out. I'm not good at taking medication when I need it, as I worry about doing so. Not good at touching chemicals or unfamiliar things and surfaces, and not good at all at going to new or unfamiliar places. If I have the choice, I'll stay in all day every day.

Gynae - I have very heavy periods, bad PMT, vulvar cysts (that the NHS won't operate on), and hypertrophic labia that cause me extreme pain when walking. I have to hunt down underwear that won't cause me pain (often with an excess cost) and have to be near a toilet at most times due to a need to "sort myself". I develop blisters and cuts due to irritation. I also have difficulty using the toilet due to muscle issues and tension due to anxiety, this means I have continence issues and again need to be near a toilet a lot. I also suffer IBS and can be in a lot of pain after eating with this. I'm on creams and special shower gel. I'm intolerant to all hormonal contraceptives and medicines so have to put up with period problems. I've also got possible PCOS, recurring UTI's due to hygiene issues (not that I'm dirty, I just like don't "clean myself" correctly because I can't manage. I am clean, just get bacteria where it shouldn't be). If any of that's TMI, sorry, but I don't know you guys so thought I should be honest.

I do see specialists a lot - I'm in the GP every 3-4 weeks, the pyschiatrist every 4 weeks, the gynaecologist every 4 weeks.. I'm forever missing Uni due to home problems too. It's a nightmare if I'm honest. I don't agree with people frauding benefits any more than you guys do, but I just thought it might be worth a try to see if there's anything can be done at all - otherwise I'll most likely end up dropping out of uni. I can work as an adult, just not while I'm doing a full time uni course and supporting my mum/sister!

so in essence,u choose not to work at the min but u will be able to 'as an adult?'i dont understand lol

clemmatis

bunny999 wrote: »

I didn't claim benefits because I have always supported myself. I shouldn't be entitled to DLA (which I have never claimed) as I don't have any care needs.

My brother didn't claim either, as he had no care needs.

I know you sympathise with people who simply can't do any work at all and so claim benefits. But there are also people who could do some jobs but won't be able to get one, because there aren't part-time jobs or because employers won't make accommodations. They should be able to get benefits.

lostandworried

Emmzi wrote: »

you seem a bit intransigent on your living arrangements. How important IS finishing your degree, and how much is it about living with your mate?

Not at all - I can't change now. As I've said - I can't live alone or with someone I don't know. It isn't possible it wouldn't work. It's not about living with my friend - it's about having someone who knows my needs who can help me, but at the same time I am close to uni and able to have space to study! That's the whole reason I am staying with her.

If she hadn't asked me I would have asked/pleaded to stay in halls, however now that she has asked me to live with her, and I have signed a contract that I can't break (if I do, I have to find a new person for my room else I still pay full rent on that flat), and am too late in applying for any halls now, I'm stuck.

I know that if I did not live with her (or someone else I know), neither my mum nor my GP/medical professionals would be at all happy, I can't see my GP letting me do that - after all, I tried to get my own flat last year and within minutes of telling my mum and GP, they were both horrified and asked me to wait another year. Now that I am slightly more able to cope, they have said I can live with friends but only as long as I am in an area I know well and with people I know well. I can't live alone, or with people I don't know - I need to have someone there to help me keep myself safe.

Degree is very important - I haven't got any other choice. Without a degree, I'm not going to get far at all. Not got the money to go to college or anything, Uni was all I could afford and since I am going into third year, it would be awful to give up now.

All I was asking is, is it possible that in the situation I live, I might qualify for some help from the government? I know I sound so awkward, and I'm scared I am coming across as rude and stroppy, I'm not trying to, I am losing sleep over this. I realise it would be easier if I could move further afield, get a job, find some money that's not coming from tax payers, find a cheaper flat or something but surely I've got a right to live in a situation I can reasonably cope in and get help to afford that?

Honestly not sure what I am doing/saying wrong, all I want is to be normal like everyone else my age and not have to be sitting worrying about money 24/7.

lostandworried

I'm sorry, I really don't understand what I have done wrong, I was just asking for a bit of advice and didn't know I would then have to try and explain everything about my life.

I can't work now because I am a carer and a student - I don't have the time nor health.

And I just can't stay in halls full stop. I'm confused and tired now.

Oldernotwiser

lostandworried wrote: »

surely I've got a right to live in a situation I can reasonably cope in and get help to afford that?

.

It's not a question about having rights but about living in a manner appropriate to your income.

Emmzi

What you have done wrong is be prepared to consider only one option - living in your friend's flat. (Is that helping pay their mortgage btw?) And the flat is expensive, too expensive for a student. Cheaper ones ARE available in Aberdeen.

There are many, many options, but you appear to have a closed mind to them. And, you probably cannot have everything.

Have a sleep, have a think about what is more important - independent living or degree? Are you prepared to postpone one for the sake of the other? And come post again.

Oldernotwiser

lostandworried wrote: »

I'm sorry, I really don't understand what I have done wrong, I was just asking for a bit of advice and didn't know I would then have to try and explain everything about my life.

I can't work now because I am a carer and a student - I don't have the time nor health.

And I just can't stay in halls full stop. I'm confused and tired now.

Who are you a carer for - unless I've missed something, this is the first time you've mentioned it.

What you are doing wrong is wanting to live a lifestyle that you can't afford. Maintenance funding in Scotland is more geared to students living at home than it is in England and it doesn't run to paying £460pcm rent without parental help or part time employment. As neither of these is possible for you, your current plans for accommodation just aren't feasible, I'm afraid.

I wish you all the best but you do need to be realistic and to make sensible choices.

Emmzi

as a last stop - have you contacted NUS for advice? If anyone will lknow, they will.. also... long shot... would need to claim under disability rules and this is tough to do..

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/On_a_low_income/DG_10034876

Darlyd

OP

A friend of mine claims DLA for her DD who suffers with the same as yourself (without the gyni probs). It IS worth a try, but fill it out with a professional.

I understand that you are unable to work for now, It would all be to much for you, I think you come across as you help out with your Mum and Sister? As well as uni work, it will be to much to even think about working. Give DLA a try, no harm in trying a?

And have a chat to the uni welfare (If that is the correct person) To see what other financial help you could get.

The rent you mentioned it a wee bit high IMO especially if you will be sharing. You need to look into this. Is the flat owned by your friend? Could the council not help you? And your friend move in with you? I dunno.

allen35

Based on how you describe your condition and how it affects you and that you have had these disabilities since the age of 3 and 5 how come your mum never claimed DLA for you before or did she?

As a family you certainly seem to know the criteria for DLA without having to post on here.

With your description of your mobility and care needs you should apply for DLA..... and complete the form yourself, you seem well qualified to make a successful claim....