Prodigal son returning for weekend

tiamaria

Person_one wrote: »

tiamaria wrote: »

Don't worry, its utter rubbish, as long as you're a good mum!

The only men I know who start to turn away from their own family when they grow up/marry are the ones who had cr*p parents anyway, and realised when they were welcomed into the fold by better ones!

Aw thanks, Well I can't see me never being in contact with them like the OP's brother.We do get on well.

My eldest moved out 2 weeks ago and he's popped in a couple of times and kept his door keys!

I do think though when it comes to grandchildren that mums with sons might miss out , as girls naturally turn to their own mums and if their relationship breaks down you may not get to see them much.

Anyway, I don't want to take over the thread so I best quit rabbiting!

rachbc

YOu have chosen to take on the role you have with yoru parents - he's chosen not to. You can't change him or berrate him for his choices (or indeed yours if you feel put upon or matryish). Its just one day so grin and bear it seems like the only course of action to me

gratefulforhelp_2

No-one has mentioned this yet, but families do tend to have different expectations for sons than for daughters.
If that's the case here, then the parent has to take some responsibility.

kr15snw

MrsAtobe wrote: »

Hmmm, reminds me of an old saying, assuming, that is, that ninjalass is female .

Your daughter's your daughter all her life, your son's your son till he takes a wife.

My mums the opposite!

She’s always told me:

‘When your son get’s married you grow a daughter, when your daughter gets married you lose her’

To the extend that my mum now ignores me and keeps saying ‘you have a new family now though’ and doesn’t invite me to her own 60th birthday party......

ninjalass

Thanks all - he stopped over til sunday and did a few jobs for mum (which I'd left for him to do - or I'd be expected to do them all anyway), so she now has 2 half done sheds painted, the side gate painted and so is blocks underneath the gate :rotfl:, half the bannister painted, I finished the garden for her and drove her around everywhere again - at least it stopped her driving him to the shops, so he could buy his gf presents like he normally does. Mum's asked me to paint the garage door (double door) and basically anything that can be seen by someone else as she doesn't trust him

First thing he said when my uncle left on Fri was "which presents do I owe you?" so mum asked me, so he was told which ones we still hadn't got and he said he'd brought his cheque book with him so would make sure we got the cheques instead of presents. So he went to the train without doing the cheques in the end, as he ran out of time :rotfl:. Unfortunately I've already told him what I'm getting him for this Christmas but it might not be assembled in time and maybe left in bits LOL

Although when the minister asked both of us when do we get to see mum (I said at least per month and she comes over to mine by train per month and I drive her around then), my brother said not enough (last time was mothers day when he forgot her card and his cheque book!). I take mum (and dad when he was alive) to see family when they were over at mine, and to see friends in some of the remote places they live and mum refuses to drive to so I've been doing that to make sure she sees friends etc.

We've both been treated the same, if anything he's been treated better, but he thinks as they took me to hospital appointments when I was a teenager they prefer me to him. Ah well, I'm sure he'd have rather been born with the defective joints rather than me and have to endure 3 operations in the last 15 years and possibly operations on my joints for the rest of my life if I ever fall or get involved in a car accident :rotfl: and have to watch what kind of job you do and what kind of transport you take to make sure you don't worsen the joint condition.

I've driven my parents to his place twice, sat outside and he refused to open the door, saw us whilst he was walking down street and started running back to his house and refused to open the door then - claimed he went straight to the shower and didn't hear the bell ring - within 5 seconds of him getting inside the house? We've never been allowed to step inside (his gf's mum stays over), and it's his house not both! His gf puts the phone down on us so many times - he says she's shy - a primary school teacher? My brother hasn't even driven either of them to anywhere after passing his test and although both of us have borrowed money off our parents to buy cars etc when younger he didn't bother paying them back for about 2 years, whilst I did a standing order from next payday straight away so they got the money a lot quicker and later lent them money to buy their latest car rather than borrowing from a bank. He didn't pay rent either when he lived at home whilst I paid board straight away when I got a job. When both parents were in hospital I had a text off him to phone him to sort out his PC - I texted back with saving minutes to call other family and friends so he had to call me.

He claims he'll pay for the gravestone, so I've told mum to get the best one / expensive possible and give him the bill - dad was worth every penny anyway and I'll pay up otherwise (I'm in process of losing job, so need to keep as much savings at moment until I find something else). He didn't pay for anything with the cemetary fees either lol. We don't think he realises how much things are going to cost.

The work I've done in the garden instead of paying someone has been about 3 times the headstone to date in a few months, all free to mum - she just buys the stuff and I do the labour, her neighbours tell me to hide and run away quick when they see me in garden again! I've got 4 large pots to plant up before I leave tomorrow and water the plants and lawn if it doesn't rain overnight, and I'm hoping to wash the car(s), alarm on for early tomorrow then!

I've already been told I've got 2 rooms to paint in winter, garage door to paint asap, garden cutting etc as normal - my brother asks her to take him shopping!

*max*

You sound really bitter. I understand you feel you're doing so much more than him for your mum, and that it's not fair - but you are chosing to do it, nobody is forcing you to do so much. You should only do what you are happy to do without comparing your achievements with your brother's; at the moment you sound like a self-inflicted martyr to be honest, and a little bit smug about it.

Craftyscholar

*max* wrote: »

You sound really bitter. I understand you feel you're doing so much more than him for your mum, and that it's not fair - but you are chosing to do it, nobody is forcing you to do so much. You should only do what you are happy to do without comparing your achievements with your brother's; at the moment you sound like a self-inflicted martyr to be honest, and a little bit smug about it.

Or a loving caring daughter with a selfish inconsiderate brother.

melancholly

i'd be bitter too! no way round that. i'd want to shake the selfish little brother by the shoulders and tell him he's a grown up and to stop being so selfish.... (plus a few more colourful words!).

but the thing is, families aren't fair.... there's always someone who can do no wrong and others who don't feel appreciated. it's certainly the case in mine. so all you can do is suck it up and not react on important days and then hope you don't have to see the person again for a while (that's my strategy - plus venting at my poor OH!).

BugglyB

*max* wrote: »

You sound really bitter. I understand you feel you're doing so much more than him for your mum, and that it's not fair - but you are chosing to do it, nobody is forcing you to do so much. You should only do what you are happy to do without comparing your achievements with your brother's; at the moment you sound like a self-inflicted martyr to be honest, and a little bit smug about it.

Craftyscholar wrote: »

Or a loving caring daughter with a selfish inconsiderate brother.

Or perhaps both, or neither, depending on your perspective.

Its all subjective.

gratefulforhelp_2

OP you do sound terribly bitter, and I wonder if its doing you any good totting up the financial value of all these things?

You never know, maybe he is in the financial doo doo?

Also - TBH if my in laws rocked up uninvited I wouldn't open the door, either, its rude unless everyone in the relationship does it and expects it.