Prodigal son returning for weekend

MrsAtobe

Hmmm, reminds me of an old saying, assuming, that is, that ninjalass is female .

Your daughter's your daughter all her life, your son's your son till he takes a wife.

It does not seem right that your brother puts all the responsibility for looking after your parents onto you, ninjalass. What does your mum think about it, does she seem at all upset by his treatment of both of you?

The other posters are right, just maintain a dignified silence once the civilities are over, and don't rise to any bait.

Mojisola

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

If he's that big of an a-hole I say cancel his invitation!

ninjalass wrote: »

I haven't got a choice - I'm taking mum - as he can't be bothered to take her.

We've even had to arrange that my uncle picks him up and brings him over as he can't even make his own arrangements for that!

Maybe you feel you have to invite him but you don't have to arrange transport for him. Let him find his own way there. If he can't be bothered, your problem is solved!

onlyroz

It works both ways - when your parents were well did they ever visit your brother? Or call him up for a chat?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Maybe he got a lot of 'Well, Ninja does this and Ninja does that and why don't you do the same as Ninja?' over his lifetime? You seem to have built up a list of things he has or hasn't done, a whole load of resentment and criticism for him as a waste of space, then you talk about guilt trips and your Mum's friends ordering him around - I can't see that creating a great deal or harmony in anyone's life.

I certainly wouldn't invite someone in who plainly doesn't like me - why should I?


I am not attacking you - he could indeed be a complete wally, but sometimes these things boil down to the roles people adopt as toddlers and can't grow out of - like the 'good girl' and the 'naughty one' and there isn't one person at fault, but a whole family, which is thrown into sharp relief when there is a bereavement.

Pee

Try learning to count to twenty in another language. I think you might have enough practise to master it in Icelandic.

I think the best way to manage to control your temper, keep the peace and to keep everyone happy is to want to do it, which you must do to be asking the question.

Best of luck.

floss2

Perhaps he just does not have the family gene that you have? And maybe he is less adept at social skills?

I have 2 sons - one is very personable, gets upset because his brother doesn't send him a birthday or christmas card....the other is more of a solitary soul, goes weeks or even months without getting in touch with me, doesn't send birthday or mothers day or christmas cards. That is just the way he is, and even as his mother I cannot change that, much as his brother would like me to.

It is difficult to accept these differences in your direct relatives, but you must, for your own peace of mind. Your brother probably does not see any wrong in what he does, he may even think that you are the odd one for having what he sees as excessive contact with your family.

tiamaria

MrsAtobe wrote: »

Hmmm, reminds me of an old saying, assuming, that is, that ninjalass is female .

Your daughter's your daughter all her life, your son's your son till he takes a wife.

QUOTE]

As a mum of 3 sons I hate that saying got no chance:p

Person_one

tiamaria wrote: »

MrsAtobe wrote: »

Hmmm, reminds me of an old saying, assuming, that is, that ninjalass is female .

Your daughter's your daughter all her life, your son's your son till he takes a wife.

QUOTE]

As a mum of 3 sons I hate that saying got no chance:p

Don't worry, its utter rubbish, as long as you're a good mum!

The only men I know who start to turn away from their own family when they grow up/marry are the ones who had cr*p parents anyway, and realised when they were welcomed into the fold by better ones!

kathy206

Ninjalass, as others have said, you will never change him. The best thing you can do is take the satisfaction knowing that you ARE there when your Mum needs you and that you are making her life just a bit easier in the process. My mum had this with all her siblings (2 brothers and one older sister)when Grandad was widowed. Mum was the one who got the phone call at stupid o clock in the morning because his heating/washer/telly....were on the blink. Mum was the one who made sure she rang even though EVERY time she got the same "you 're the first person I've spoken to all day" every single time she rang. One uncle lived less than 30 mins away appeared once a fortnight if we were lucky, the other down South and Auntie in Lancashire visited perhaps yearly for a couple of nights. Whenever they appeared they were treated like royalty. My parents and sisters were grinding our teeth at the funeral as the cousins who had said some really hurtful things about Grandad and never went to see him when he was alive (even though they lived 20 mins away themselves)were swanning around at his funeral parading his medals to all and sundry.:mad:
DH has 3 brothers and a sister. 2 of the brothers didn't even bother sending their dad a Father's Day card even though they both live within walking distance, and Dad in law runs around after one of them all the time, so it's not just the fact your brother is a bloke, he's just plain selfish.
Be dignified in the knowledge that you can hold your head high and be proud. I'll bet your mum is really glad to have you as a daughter :T

webitha

if that was my brother, i would send the invite and let him make his own way (uncle's car not working perhaps)

and if he tried to speak to me i would say "sorry? and you are? do i know you?" then just walk away

but thats just me


but for your mothers sake maintain a dignified silence and carry on being a good daughter